


When You Hear My Heart Stop

by AlibiRooms



Series: Possibility [2]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gay Twilight, Lesbian Twilight, M/M, POC Bella, POV Female Character, Vampires doing vampire things, but in college this time, the dumbass lesbians return
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2020-12-24 08:54:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 55,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21096776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlibiRooms/pseuds/AlibiRooms
Summary: The college AU set in Seattle that nobody asked for.





	1. Sanctuary

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this, I love you.

Blending into the crowed was like second nature to me now, as was staying with the pack for protection. I was small, and I’d learned pretty fast that cars would pretend not to see me as they zoomed past. But the walk from campus to Java Company was short, so I’d only gotten lost the once. I tugged my hood up higher as rain started to sprinkle from the gray clouds.

Rain was different in Seattle than Forks. Forks came alive in the rain; the greens were more intense, shallow brooks developed in the woods and bubbled their satisfaction. I could thank Edythe for knowing that – all the Cullens were bona fide experts when it came to the wild parts of the peninsula. I’d seen nearly everything worth seeing. Things I’d never seek out on my own without falling off a cliff or being attacked by a hungry squirrel or something equivalent. I’d even, finally, seen a grizzly, after lots of asking. Edythe had forced me onto her back before getting anywhere near one. It was as scary as Charlie always warned me, but I knew I was safe with Emmett and Edythe. She wouldn't let me watch him attack it.

In Seattle, the rain was just loud. Echoing off the buildings and asphalt, creating puddles that pedestrians had to splash through. It wasn’t depressing, per se, but I missed ferns. I even missed the gravelly mud of the reservation.

The coffee shop was warm and welcoming. I was slowly getting used to the faces of other students that passed through or stayed to study, and some of them smiled at me as I tossed my backpack under the counter and shrugged out of the black windbreaker. I smiled back, clocking in and putting my hair up.

“Hey!” Jessica said, pumping the cappuccino machine so furiously that the defined muscles of her biceps stuck out.

It still shocked me how much she’d changed since graduation. Even though she’d been valedictorian, and had more scholarships than I could ever dream of, she’d been spiraling hard. Our lunch group probably never would have recovered after Mike dumped her, but there’d only been a week of high school left so it didn’t end up mattering.

So her parents had helped her – and Angela – move up here a full month early so she could get her head right. And boy, had she. Jessica was a total health freak now. She’d spent the summer in the gym, and now that the first week of school was over she was already in the know about literally any party going on around campus.

“How was class?” She asked, spraying up an expertly swirled mountain of whipped cream.

“Good, I guess.” I tied the checkered apron around my waist, storing my little serving notebook and pen in the pocket. “No homework, yet.” 

She raised an eyebrow, putting on way too innocent of an expression. “Guess you should blow off some steam while you can, huh?”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Know anything good going on?”

She gave me a very charming and not at all convincing little shoulder-wiggle. “I think this girl’s about to give me her number. Quit distracting me!”

I leaned against the counter and watched her approach a blonde sitting at the back of the room. The bisexual thing was a little shocking. As was the fact that I’d apparently been such a big part of it. She said watching me and Edythe had opened her eyes.

Life after Mike Newton seemed to be agreeing with her.

Or maybe it was just Seattle. I’d never _lived_ in a city before. Phoenix had always been close by, but far enough to be something else. Other. Seattle was very much alive, and even though I’d only been here for three weeks, I felt myself becoming a part of it.

“Bella?” Peter, the only employee newer than I was, waved me over. “The grinder’s stuck again. Can you do that thing you do?”

“Sure.” I took a metal spoon from the dispenser and held it up for him to see. “A good friend showed me this one.” 

The grinder made an unhappy noise when I stabbed the handle directly down into the blade. Peter laughed when it started off without a hitch afterward.

“Tell your friend I said thanks.”

We got in a bit of a rush then, and I didn’t have a moment to catch my breath until my shift was over, around four. Jessica had already gone, to God knows where, but she’d gotten the phone number so she was thrilled about that. I put my raincoat back on and stepped into the rain and darkening sky.

Just like that, my first week of college was done.

It was a new routine. Different. After doing the same things for so long – school, Charlie, Edythe, Jacob, sleep – the city was like a breath of fresh, exciting air. I was getting familiar with campus, and my classmates. I knew which store had the best food, the best coffee. Which side of the street to walk on and what kind of people would ram into me if I didn’t move first.

I called Jacob, wanting to beat him to the punch. But he didn’t answer. With Paul, then. It was especially weird to not be fifteen minutes away from him anymore.

My – our – apartment was all the way over the bridge, toward downtown. I took a bus over the water, watching the waves and ferries. Then I ducked onto the subway, checking my messages. Renée had called me early, so that was out of the way. Charlie knew my schedule well enough – he’d be calling any second. But it wasn’t any of them I was worried about.

I got off the train at Westlake, trudging past the Barnes and Noble and the movie theater. Rain drops fell heavier from the trees. And yeah, there were some trees, planted sparsely along the streets but allowed to overgrow. I bet having a few vines creeping up the side of a building was excuse enough to hike up rent. 

Our building was almost quaint compared to some of the others. It was close to the high-rises without being one of them, and far enough away from the main crush that there wasn’t noise and music blasting all hours of the night. Our apartment was on the sixth floor.

“Edythe?” I called, dropping my keys to the couch. Nothing. The apartment was clean. Her many papers and books had been gathered up and taken to a second location. There was, though, a big vase on the counter. Spilling over with white flowers I couldn’t name. I set my backpack down and walked over to them, stomach sinking.

These weren’t a present. They were an advance apology. Ugh, they looked expensive, too.

My phone started buzzing right on time.

“Hi, Dad,” I said, stroking a petal.

“Bella! How’s city life?”

I laughed, because he asked that every time he called me. “It’s great.”

“Happy Birthday, Bells. I wish you coulda’ come home to celebrate. Sue bakes a hell of a cake.”

“Have some for me.” I sat on the couch and kicked my shoes off. “Nineteen isn’t too important.”

“What are you girls gonna get up to?”

I glanced at the flowers again. If Edythe wasn’t here, then she was with Alice, who would have seen me getting home safe. If she was with Alice, on my birthday of all days, then there was no use fighting. She hadn’t said anything about it this morning. Neither had Jessica or Angela, but maybe they honestly didn’t know. It wasn’t something I advertised, with a friend like Alice.

“I think Alice is throwing me a surprise party.”

“Oh.” Was all Charlie said. 

“Wow.” I let the betrayal color my tone. “What do you know?” Something horrible occurred to me. I sat up. “She didn’t rent out a concert hall, did she?” 

“Now, I don’t know if – “

“Dad!”

“Alright, alright. I _may_ have been asked what, hypothetically, might be done to make sure you didn’t hate a _hypothetical_ birthday party.”

“And?”

“And I think I did alright.”

I huffed, knowing full well he was too scared of Alice to reveal anything else. She would know if he did.

“Did she mention what I should wear?” I got up with a grunt – serving coffee was hell on my feet – and went into the bedroom. It was technically my bedroom, but the other one only had Edythe’s keyboard in it and some old books. I liked thinking of it as ours.

“Well, actually she did. Don’t much know why she thought I would care, but…”

I smiled, rolling my eyes a little. She sure covered her bases.

“I think she mentioned something about a black dress.”

That narrowed it down. I only had one. “Got it.”

“I’m sure you’ll have fun,” he said. I didn’t know if he’d be so optimistic if she threw_ him _a birthday party. “Don’t get too crazy, though. I do know some of the guys on Seattle PD.”

I grinned, for a second missing him so much it hurt. “You know how Edythe is, Dad. I won’t have anything stronger than a ginger ale.”

It was a lie, sort of. But he didn’t know that. If Alice really wanted me to enjoy myself, there would be booze. And plenty of it.

“I know,” he said fondly. “I wouldn’t want you all the way up there with anyone else.”

“Alright,” I sighed. “I guess I’d better get ready for this.”

“Good luck,” he chuckled. “Happy Birthday, again. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I hung up. It wasn’t even five yet. No rager started before at least nine, right? At least, that’s how Jessica put it. I had no idea. But I was abruptly very tired just thinking about the night ahead of me. I took a quick, hot shower, scrubbing the smell of coffee beans away and shaving my legs. Then I climbed into bed.

************ 

“Damn it, Bella!”

I pulled the blankets up, squinting against the sudden brightness. Alice pulled them away, glaring at me with immaculately kohl-lined tawny eyes. Light still shone through the window, but it was artificial and bright. The street lights were on.

“You were supposed to be ready!”

My nap left me groggy. I’d slept too long. Past the alarm I’d set, even.

“What, you didn’t plan for this?” I asked, grinning. She stood up, swiping imaginary wrinkles from her poofy pink dress.

“Get up. Seriously. God, I don’t know why I bother.”

I got up and stretched. She laid the black dress out and found my black heels, muttering dark things all the while.

“It’s my birthday,” I said as she brushed out my hair in the bathroom, speaking even through the roar of the hair dryer. She could hear. “I should be able to nap without consequence.”

When my hair was dried, she rubbed some sort of cream through it that made it smooth and wavy. I dabbed on some liquid eyeshadow she’d bought me, just around the edges of my eyes. It was glittery and silver.

“You look good,” she said, finally, looking me over one more time before forcing me into the shoes and all but yanking me to the door.

“Where are we going?” I asked innocently, locking the door.

“Can’t tell you.”

“I just want to know how far I have to walk in these things.”

“Not far.”

We clicked and clacked our way down the street. The city was buzzing, and it was only Alice’s supernatural presence – and probably just the fierce determination on her face – that kept people out of our way. My feet were already complaining.

“I haven’t seen much of you this week,” I said, struggling to keep up with her quick stride.

“I’ve been crazy busy with work. I think I have a whole department store in my bedroom.” She looked up with a wry smile on painted pink lips. “I’ve hardly slept at all.”

“You’re, like, the Coco Chanel of Seattle.”

“Coco Chanel was a Nazi, Bella.”

“No way. Really?”

She nodded, lips pursed as we turned on 8th, toward my favorite Starbucks and Alice’s apartment. I started to relax. 

“You’re going to have a pop quiz on Monday, by the way,” she said offhandedly as we entered her building. It was much chicer than mine. She must have been making a fortune at her new job. The doorman nodded and smiled to us.

“Do you know which class?”

“No.”

“Well, I better go home early tonight and study.”

Her tense frown broke into a grin as the elevator started its ascent. “I don’t think you’ll want to.”

I really didn’t know what to expect already, so her comment only put me more on edge. A party, I didn’t mind. A party in my honor, where I would have to be the center of attention at her carefully orchestrated planning, was different. It just made me anxious and jumpy. At least Edythe would be there. But how bad could it be, if it was at her apartment? Unless that was just the first location.

As I grew more apprehensive, Alice’s smile got bigger, until she was practically hopping down the hall, tugging me along. She stopped at her door, checking over my hair and pushing my breasts up toward the low neck of the dress.

“Alice!” I slapped her hands away, which hurt, but she relented.

“Do you trust me?” 

I sighed. “Yeah. I guess.”

“Good enough.” She turned the handle and thrust me into the pitch-black apartment. I almost couldn’t keep my balance at her little shove. There was a moment of near total silence, and then – 

“_Surprise!” _A cacophany of voices yelled in unison. Someone turned the lights on, and I gasped.

Everyone huddled together in some sort of presentational pose at the center of Alice’s vast living room. My eyes went to the tallest among them first – Jacob and Embry. Jessica, Angela and Ben – more humans, thank _God_ I wouldn’t be the only one getting drunk – blew on party kazoos. Emmett and Rosalie had just thrown some sort of confetti into the air, big fistfuls of silver and black sparkles. Edythe and Jasper stood at either end, too naturally conservative to truly join in on the charade.

But everyone was smiling ear to ear, and before the confetti had hit the ground Jacob was converging, pulling me into a hug so tight and warm I was sure there was steam coming off of my chilled body.

“Oh, my God,” I cried, throwing my arms around his waist. “You’re here! In Seattle!”

“I had to come sometime! I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“Don’t hog her,” Jessica said brusqely, pulling me away from him. “Alice got the real shit – tequila with _Spanish _labels.” 

“They don’t even sell those in Forks,” Ben added, following us to the kitchen. Someone started playing music, something non-descript with a thumping baseline. I reached out and snagged Edythe’s hand, pulling her into our tow. She was wearing a pair of high-waisted slacks, dark green and absolutely ridiculous on anyone else. Tucked into them was a white turtleneck. Clothes _loved_ Edythe. 

Jessica pulled us first into a tight group, making Edythe hold the phone out to snap a picture.

“Happy birthday,” she murmured in my ear, pulling me back against her chest. I relaxed in her arms, watching my friends bustle over each other as they made drinks with the impressive assortment of bottles.

“I saw the flowers.” 

“Freesia." She pressed her lips to my head.

“I’ve never heard of that,” I said, turning. She smiled knowingly, then Angela demanded my attention and she mysteriously disappeared. I joined Ang by the finger foods.

“Eat,” she commanded, handing me a carrot dipped in ranch. “You never eat enough, and you throw up.”

“Oops,” I said. She smiled at my false remorse and we fed each other carrots for a while, giggling.

“Alright,” announced Jess, stepping back from her work. She and Ben had concocted a series of shots in plastic little glasses. I knew it was tequila, but they had made it bright blue, somehow. “I think it’s shot time.”

“Shot time!” We all echoed in response. I took the glass I was handed, and we shuffled into a little circle. Shot time was a tradition we’d started over the summer, in Jessica’s parents’ garage.

“Bella.” Jessica’s voice was thick with ceremony. She tugged her short skirt into place and adjusted the amount of midriff that showed between it and her top. “We’ve been friends for almost a year now. Well, more or less. I really didn’t like you at first.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“I was a selfish bitch,” she went on. “And I’m so glad you never called me out on it, because now you’re one of my best friends in the world and I _love_ you, bitch!”

She was good at not being too serious, but I felt emotion stick in my throat, anyway. “I love you, too.”

“You called shot time?” Jacob asked, stalking in. “Without us?”

Ben pointed to the extra two shots sitting on the counter. It had become common understanding with them that the Cullens weren’t big drinkers. They’d questioned it at first, but Edythe and Alice always had a smooth lie ready.

Jess eyed Embry predatorially. I saw her tug the skirt up to expose more fishnet-covered thigh.

“No Paul? Quil?” I asked, leaning into Jake’s shoulder.

“We can’t all leave.”

I nodded in understanding. 

“What, we’re not good enough?”

“You’re alright,” I sniffed. He put a heavy arm over my shoulder, raising his glass.

“To Bella!”

Everyone repeated him, and I tried to hide my blush by throwing back the shot too quickly. It burned and I coughed a lot. Jacob laughed at me. There was another round of shots, and we rejoined the others in the living room. Ben tried to get Jasper to try the drink he’d made. I couldn’t tell if the sip he took was real.

I tried to get to Edythe, but a Tame Impala song started and Emmett pulled me into the open space. I blushed and giggled as he swung me to and fro.

“Nice of you to come.” I settled my hands on his shoulders and focused on moving my feet without tripping. The music was loud. Angela and Ben were dancing, too. Alice and Edythe were doing something that looked choreographed and antique. She spun Alice so fast she actually blurred a little, but I was the only one who noticed. Jessica certainly didn’t. She’d wound herself tightly around Embry, who clearly didn’t mind. “How’s Forks been without me?”

“Well, no one’s around to read my thoughts anymore… but I missed getting you drunk.” He lifted me up, setting the balls of my shoes on top of his feet. “We’re planning a trip to Asia.” 

“You and Rosalie?”

He nodded. “There’s some giant bison I want to try.”

The chorus to the song hit, and we all sang along. He set me down after and went off to make me a drink, calling Jasper for help. Jessica broke away from Embry and stumbled over, shoeless. Behind her, he looked at Jacob, who was dancing with Alice, with wide _did you see that? _eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me Jacob had such _hot_ friends?” She whispered, eyes wide.

Embry and Jake - and Alice - grinned at me. 

“I thought you were done with Forks boys,” I whispered back. Embry frowned and made a _cut it out_ gesture with his hand.

“I didn’t know they made ‘em like _that_.” She looked over her shoulder and sighed. Embry pretended he wasn’t looking. “How can he be single? He doesn’t have a girlfriend?”

“Not that I know of. Go for it.”

She nodded seriously, fluffing up her hair with her fingers. “I need another drink.”

“Here,” Rosalie appeared holding two cups. “I was sent with these.”

“Perfect.” Jessica took one, taking a gulp and calling Angela’s name. I took the other, and Rosalie and I stepped back out of the way. Alice and Edythe were together again. They spun and swirled in perfect harmony, talking to each other and laughing.

I took a sip, testing the waters. It was exactly as sharp as I expected, coming from Emmett.

“Asia, huh?”

“Maybe. In the future.”

“Like, next year?”

She shrugged, twirling blonde hair around her finger. “I’m not sure. Maybe longer.”

“What’s keeping you?” They’d graduated high school when I did, and if they had the means – Edythe was always very vague about the financial situation with their family, all I knew was that they had separate bank accounts and were very lucky in the stock department – why wouldn’t they go?

Rosalie chewed her lip. “Waiting for things to…settle down, I guess.”

“When do you think that’ll be?” 

She frowned. “I mean, whenever Edythe – “

“Bella!” Edythe took my hand, face bright and perfect. “Dance with me.”

She did that thing, where her eyes seemed to bore into mine and I forgot how to think. She hadn’t done it in a while, and I was drunk enough to be completely drawn into it, setting my cup down and letting her whisk me away. I definitely saw her send Rosalie an almost angry look, but it didn’t stick. I’d rather press my forehead into the curve of her neck, swaying slowly even though it was a fast song. She said something too quiet under the music. 

“What?”

“I said we’re the same age now.”

“Technically.” I kissed the fabric over her throat. “But we both know I’m the more mature one.”

She laughed freely, which didn’t happen often, tilting her head back. There was another gathering starting in the kitchen. I heard my name called, but was reluctant to leave the circle of Edythe’s arms.

“Go ahead,” she said, stroking my hair. “I just wanted to catch you before you blacked out.”

“I’m not gonna black out,” I tried, unconvincingly. Before she could make fun of me for it, I leaned up and kissed her. Probably too brazenly for mixed company, but she allowed it. “I love you.” 

She got that look on her face, just like every other time I said it. It was a serious kind of look, maybe even _too_serious. She bent down to my level, mouth twisting against mine in a wordless promise of more. I had half a mind to leave the party right then, because there was a certain point of drunkenness – one that I was quickly careening toward – where she would draw the line, and not touch me at all no matter how shamelessly I begged.

I always wished _she_ could get drunk, because I was sure it would be fun. But it was just as nice knowing there would always be someone there to take care of me when I was messy and stumbling even more than normal.

And then she opened her mouth, tongue meeting mine in a brief flash of sweet and cold. I tried not to think about the ranch I’d eaten. It was hard not to.

At first, after about a month of dating her, the paranoia had started to eat at me. Without really stopping to think about it, my diet changed. It was little things, like eating dinner at three and brushing four times a day. Then my stupid, complaining stomach would always growl and she’d caught on. She was so upset she didn’t stay the night for a week.

And it was crazy, I knew that now. It didn’t make me any less self-conscious about my breath.

She pulled away from me when somebody – Jasper – whooped. “I think it’s shot time again.”

“I’d better get in there.” Her fingers lingered in mine, sliding out of my grasp as I walked toward the kitchen. She moved toward Rosalie when she thought I wasn’t looking, face dark again. That was weird.

Just outside the kitchen doorway, I had to stop, wincing in pain and bracing myself against the wall. I sucked in a breath at the sharp pains in my ankles, mortified to see Emmett and Jasper look over from the speaker system.

“It’s nothing,” I said automatically, feeling Edythe’s gaze burning into my neck. It was nothing new. The pains had started around the same time I started serving. Jessica said I needed better work shoes. The heels couldn’t be helping.

“Are you sure?” Jasper asked. I nodded and escaped to the kitchen. I should just take them off, but then everyone would tower over me even more. I enjoyed the height.

But I did slump gratefully against Jacob’s side, taking a shot glass from Angela and tipping it back promptly. Jacob and Embry passed an entire bottle of whisky between themselves.

“Do you like it?” Alice asked anxiously after the next hour of dancing had passed. I wiped the sweat from my brow, still giggling from whatever Jacob had just said that I’d already forgotten. “Are you having fun.”

“Oh, Alice, of _course_. It’s perfect.” Her face cleared a little. I knew that me liking the party made her happier than anything else. “It was Charlie who told you to invite Jake, wasn’t it?”

She nodded. “Yep.” 

“I just have one complaint, though.”

She wrinkled her nose, unable to see what I would say with Jake and the others blocking her vision. “Tell me!” 

“You haven’t danced with me yet.”

The rest of the night was sort of a blur. There was only so long the humans could dance before getting tired – and the supernatural among us pretended accordingly. There was a solid thirty minutes of exultation of Alice when the pizza showed up. I think Embry might have kissed the ground at her feet. I talked to Jasper for a good while, but eventually lost him to the Xbox.

After Embry and Jess had disappeared – I didn’t ask where to, just trusted that none of the Cullens would allow them to try to get all the way back to Jess’ apartment in their current state – I lounged on the couch with my head on Edythe’s lap and my shoeless feet on Jacob’s. He was losing to Jasper at Mario Kart and getting irate about it.

Jasper’s laughs came easier and easier, the ever-present straightness of his back relaxing until he could have been just as drunk as Jacob. Maybe it was the atmosphere affecting him. Emmet, on the other hand, had Angela and Ben in hysterics with his pseudo-drunken charades.

“Sucks Paul couldn’t come,” I said. He laughed at me, so I knew it had probably come out in a slurred mess.

“Yeah, he sends his best.” Jake glanced at Edythe like he was uncomfortable. He did that a lot. Said it was hard to hide things from her that he didn’t want known. She’d gotten better at that, though. I hadn’t even known about Jessica until she came out to me.

So I wondered what he didn’t want me to know. I craned my neck to look up at Edythe, but she just smiled fondly, pulling her fingers soothingly over my hair.

“Something wrong?” 

“No,” I said. “Where’d Alice go off to?”

“She’s cleaning up the kitchen.” 

I tried to sit up, but her arm across my stomach held me down.

“You won’t be any help to her like this, trust me.”

“Okay.” I grinned stupidly, nuzzling my nose against her stomach. “My feet hurt.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

The next time Jake’s character got blown up by Jasper’s, he gave the controller over to Ben and sat back, digging his thumb into the center of my heel. It felt amazing.

“Is that where it hurts?”

I nodded, struggling to keep my eyes open. “You’re not going back tonight, are you?”

His shrug reverberated through the couch.

“I put a blow up mattress in our spare room,” Edythe said. Then, “Have you ever tried phasing when you’re drunk?”

“I don’t think so. Why?”

“I wonder what would happen.”

“Let’s not find out.” I mashed my open palm against her cheek, because it looked funny and because it made her look at me again. 

Ben accused Jasper of cheating, I could hear Angela’s laughter from the kitchen. Emmett started flicking squares of confetti at my head with unnerving precision, which made me laugh. Edythe tried to knock them out of the air, and her sharp movements made me dizzy, but she was laughing, too, so it was okay. 

And Jacob was there. I tried to make a mental list of all the things I would show him the next day. Maybe the Space Needle, or the Fremont Troll. He’d like the gum wall off Pike Place. We’d be hungover, so we’d have to go find coffee, first. It would be fun.

I was nineteen, and so, so happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this kind-of-preview of what's to come.
> 
> Adding to the playlist (in the comments of the first one if you're curious): 
> 
> No shade in the shadow of the cross - Sufjans Stevens  
My Body is a Cage - Arcade Fire  
Suspirium - Thom York  
Roslyn - Bon Iver  
watch you sleep. - girl in red  
we fell in love in october - girl in red  
I just wanna marry a mermaid - Orca Vibes  
I get overwhelmed - Dark rooms  
Genius (feat. Sia, Diplo, and Labrinth)  
Gangster - Labrinth  
Planning Date - Labrinth  
When I R.I.P. - Labrinth  
Paul - Big Thief  
Full Moon - The Black Ghosts  
Requiem on Water - Imperial Mammoth


	2. Neptune Beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF AND SMUT WARNING

It was lucky, really, that I’d found the job. My savings wouldn’t last forever, and I didn’t want Bella putting her entire paycheck into the apartment every month. She liked working, and it obviously made her happy, but I never wanted money to be something she worried about.

One of my cohorts had led me to it when I’d gone to one of the few campus meetings required for my degree. An upscale restaurant downtown. They’d been thinking about the live piano music. Not many places still did that, so it was easy to find. Explaining to the owners how playing there would help me with my compositions might have been enough, but doing it in their native French tongue had sealed the deal.

They’d been delighted, and so I’d taken over the lunch hours during the week. It was easy money; the October chill brought in bigger crowds, and I got to work on my own things, or whatever was on my mind. It would keep us afloat, and I could spend the afternoons with Bella. More the better, because when I was away from her I got nervous. Monsters flocked to more populated areas. Human ones, and ones like me.

All else aside, I’d missed living in a city. Even if my memories of Chicago were tainted by blood and general hopelessness. There were so many voices, running together into a humming pulse around me as I walked home. And in the center of it was always her.

My Bella.

“I brought food,” I announced, setting the brown paper bag on the table in front of her. She looked up from her laptop, blinking heavily. I liked finding her like this, sitting on the couch with a blanket over her shoulders, so lost in whatever she was doing that it took her a few moments to come back to me.

“Burrata salad and couscous.” Marion always tried to send me home with something – to put meat on my bones.

“Burr-what-a?”

“Burrata salad. It has grilled peaches.”

“Interesting.” She leaned forward to open the bag. I got her a fork from the kitchen before going to the bedroom to carefully fold and hang the ‘work’ clothes Alice had tailored for me. I tried to keep the wrinkles out, because while all of her habits were annoying, coming over with an iron in the dead of night was one of the worst yet.

“Is this Chemistry again?” I sat on the couch and put my head on her shoulder to better peer at the word document. “Study guide?”

“Yeah,” she rested her head against mine, sighing deeply and sending waves of warm, Bella scented air over me. “Angela just sent it over.”

I watched her delete the word _enthalpy_ in a sentence and replace it with _entropy_.

“That doesn’t look right.”

“Hm? Oh. I know. She keeps misspelling it.”

“What?” I sat up and looked at her. “You don’t know what enthalpy is?”

“_Huh?” _She blinked widely, realization setting in. “It’s a _different thing?!”_

“You know enthalpy! We both took Chemistry last year…”

“Fuck,” she whispered, shutting the computer, frustration bleeding from every pore. “_Fuck._ I don’t remember. I hope you’re gonna be okay with me becoming a prostitute when I fail out of college.”

I smiled at the thought. “As long as I can be your first client.”

“I’m not joking.”

“You won’t fail.” I reached past to take her text book. “I won’t let you.”

“Edythe,” she put her hand over the cover before I could open it, frowning. I turned my hand over, automatically winding our fingers together. “You can’t _learn_ chemistry just to teach it to me.”

“It wouldn’t be that hard.”

Her face fell, and shame coursed through me. That had been careless. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.”

“I know you didn’t,” she sighed. “But it’s true. I’m a moron.”

“Don’t say that.” I stroked her cheek, listening to her heart slow as her eyes fluttered closed.

I hated it as much as I loved it, that I could have that effect. It was something Tanya had cleared up for me after I finally asked; that this kind of proximity to us made humans relaxed and less able to fight. An evolutionary quirk that made consent that much more of a gray area when we were physically intimate, something Tanya should really be more worried about and something Bella consistently denied. But her heartbeat couldn’t lie.

“Thank you for caring, though,” she said tiredly.

“Of course.”

She leaned in to kiss me. Warm as always, pressing against me with a vulnerability that made it hard to resist.

“Are you not hungry?” I asked. She’d opened the food, but hadn’t had any.

“I guess not.” She leaned back in, then her stomach rumbled, and she groaned in defeat as I pulled myself away, standing.

The food issue seemed to be rearing it’s ugly head again. “I thought we were past this.”

She shook her head in frustration, crossing her legs and opening the book back up. “I just don’t want it right now.”

I packed the boxes back up and stuck them in the fridge. “Can I make you something? Pasta?”

“No. Quit it. I can feed myself.”

“Fine.” I closed the fridge and went to the spare room. I only nudged the door, but it slammed shut anyway. Bella sighed sharply in the other room, and I ignored a pang of remorse. I’d made myself very clear the last time this happened – she couldn’t just starve herself because of some imagined issue.

I didn’t _want_ to be a nag, but it was hard enough keeping up with how much humans ate on a normal day. It was _all_ they did! Everything was centered around food. Lunch dates, cooking together, doing homework at coffee shops. It felt like I was depriving her of something very intrinsically human, and I couldn’t stand it sometimes.

I stuck in my earbuds and pressed my fingers to my temples, distracting myself with memorizing Bach’s first twelve fugues. Music, at least, made sense.

**********

“Do you have any snacks?” Jessica asked, holding two pieces of fabric pinched around her waist while Alice took measurements and made markings. “I’m starving.”

Rain pounded the windows for a long moment while Alice was too absorbed to answer. Then she looked up, blinking. “Food?”

“I’ll go check,” I offered, shrugging the blanket from my shoulders. Alice kept her apartment _cold_. I made sure ours was at least habitable, even if it cost more. I always made sure to give Edythe enough for the electric bill, even though it just ended up back in my wallet or returned in the form of flowers or food.

There were dishes in the sink, which was always funny to me. They did it whenever one of my friends came over. If you asked me, the giveaway was that the counters were always spotless. Even the stovetop. If they wanted to be convincing, they’d bake on some cheese or something. I would have to come over and make use of it.

The fridge had a few things that I’d left the last time I was there, but the pantry was stocked. I took a bag of chips and opened it for Jessica, taking some for myself. I looked down at the label as I chewed, frowning. I thought I liked sour cream and onion, but it tasted oddly disgusting. I’d probably just been eating too much of Edythe’s French cuisine.

She’d calmed down since our spat earlier in the week. I still made a show of eating whenever she was home. It was dumb, and petty, but her pride kept her from being outwardly mad. I couldn’t help myself.

“Thanks,” Jessica said with relief, taking a handful. Alice made a quiet noise of distress as crumbs landed on the fabric. “So who’s your client, Alice? Someone my size…Emilia Clarke?” She gasped. “Lady Gaga?”

Leather squeaked as I sat back down next to Jasper. He turned a page in a thick, old looking book.

“What is that?” I asked, leaning over and peering down at the words. Probably something from Carlisle.

“_Leviathan_,” he said, turning the page so the words caught the light. I didn’t know what that was, but Jessica looked over mid-chew.

“Thomas Hobbes?”

Jasper nodded, and she made a face. “We looked at that in class. You’re reading it for _fun?”_

He looked amused. “To each their own.”

“I guess. Ow!”

“Sorry,” Alice said, readjusting her grip on the needle. “Don’t move so much.”

I settled back, turning reluctantly to my History book. But reading about the past just made me think about Edythe.

She was working the dinner shift this week. The owners thought there was some food critic coming around soon, and of course they wanted their favorite pianist there. She’d mentioned this to me offhandedly, but I knew she wouldn’t have brought it up at all if she wasn’t a little proud.

And she deserved to be. It definitely wasn’t a vampire talent – she _worked _at it. Sometimes she brought her keyboard into the living room and played while I did homework or sat on my phone or just laid there and watched. The way her fingers moved across the keys was mesmerizing.

And if I woke up in the middle of the night for whatever reason, I heard soft music through the wall, pausing and starting as she made adjustments or wrote something down. I couldn’t imagine being so talented.

“Have I gained weight since the last time we did this?” Jessica asked, fishing another chip from her hand.

“Uh…” Alice glanced at a smirking Jasper, seeming to weigh her options. “Yeah. But I only know because I’m actually measuring. It doesn’t show.”

“It’s fine. I knew I must have. Freshman fifteen is no joke.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “_You_ still look good, though. And you don’t even work out. Neither does Edythe, for that matter.”

I shrugged. “I haven’t weighed myself. I have no idea.”

“It doesn’t even make sense that I gained so much,” she went on, eating another chip. “I walk all fucking day back and forth across this city.”

“Embry thinks you look good,” I couldn’t help but add.

Her face lit up, but she tried to hide it. “What do you mean?”

Since my birthday, and her night of almost-but-not-quite sex with Embry, there had been a big question mark between them. She was very staunchly of the idea that this was her time to mess around and do whatever while she could, so she was still going out and seeing other people. But I knew she still thought about him. _He _sure did.

“That Instagram post from the other day. The one in the gym.”

“Oh, yeah? What did he say?”

“I just know he mentioned it to Jacob.” Me and Jake both thought – we were turning into Billy and Charlie in spite of ourselves, gossiping and speculating – that they would be great together. But they hadn’t talked at all since my birthday, to my knowledge.

“What do you think, Alice?” She asked, looking down. In the short time we’d talked, she’d been circling Jessica on her knees, doing something with a needle and thread that was slowly pleating the fabric. “Should I call him?”

Alice took the pencil from her mouth and met my eyes. “Me? I think men are dogs.”

I stifled a laugh, pulling the blanket up to cover my mouth and dislodging my textbook in the process. Jasper caught it.

“Thanks,” I said, blushing.

“No problem. This dog is going to bed.” He ruffled Alice’s hair as he walked past. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” she said back, rolling her eyes. Obviously, he was bored of us and was going to watch TV in the other room.

“Is it getting late?” Jess asked me. “I’m meeting Kat at ten.”

“Which one is Kat?” I glanced at my phone. “It’s nine.”

“The girl who left me her number at the shop.”

“You’re seeing her again?”

She nodded. “We’re going to Friday night drinkies at Kappa Sig. I have to go soon, Alice. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Alice said, taking the fabric out of Jess’ fingers and unwinding it from around her. “You’re a big help. Can you come back tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Let’s make it later, though. I’ll be hungover.”

Edythe got there just after Jess left, crossing the room in a millisecond and pulling me off the couch. I laughed in surprise at the odd display.

“Well, hi!”

“I missed you,” she said lowly, kissing the skin beneath my ear. She started gathering my things without letting go, arm wrapped tightly around my waist. “Thanks, Alice.”

“Don’t thank her!” I said indignantly. “She’s my friend, not my babysitter.”

“Have fun, you two,” Alice said, smirking. Edythe slung my backpack over her shoulder and walked us to the door.

“Yeah, you, too,” she said shortly. I waved my hand as I was dragged into the hall.

“Bye, Alice! Bye, Jasper!”

She didn’t let me go until we were in the lobby. I held on tight to her hand, still a little dazed from the elevator kisses. The rain was a good excuse to cling to her as we crossed the street.

“Did the critic show up?”

“She did.” Edythe’s hair stuck to her face. She held the umbrella more over me than herself. “Not that I could tell anyone. How was your day?”

“Good. I ate lunch with Angela and managed not to blow anything up in Chem lab.”

“Well, that’s something.”

I continued to be shocked as Edythe crowded me against the elevator wall in our building, kissing me long and deep with wandering hands. I couldn’t remember the last time she had initiated. It was usually me, and I’d started to feel like kind of a creep.

She didn’t break the kiss as she carried me to our door, which probably looked very strange. But I didn’t care. I heard the door shut, my backpack hit the floor, and then her attention was all on me. I pushed my hand up under her shirt and against her stomach, chilled from the cold outside.

My back hit the mattress before I realized we’d moved away from the door. “Your clothes,” Edythe murmured, standing and starting on her own. “I’ll just rip them off if I try.”

I shivered, pushing my jeans down and pulling the sweatshirt over my head, exposing myself to the cold air. I heard the nightstand drawer slide open, and flushed all the way to my chest. But even amidst the arousal, I wondered if this was what Alice’s little comment had been about. _Have fun. _

Had she seen what was about to happen? I wished I didn’t have to wonder if our most private moments weren’t so private after all, but she _was_ always watching. Watching me especially. And dropping hints. I wasn’t stupid.

Edythe materialized between my legs, pushing my thighs apart and licking a cool stripe up my center. I gasped and rolled my hips up. This was always her go to, what she thought was “safest”. I certainly wasn’t complaining, but every step we’d taken past it was a fight against her Edwardian hang-ups. And I definitely wanted to touch her today. We had to move on before my brain shut down.

The vibrator clicked on, pressed firmly against my clit as her tongue teased and tasted. I hummed in pleasure. It was probably something very close to nirvana, but I wouldn’t let her out so easily.

“Come here,” I commanded, pulling for several seconds on her arm before she complied. The cool slide of her thigh against me was almost more satisfying than the vibrator. I moaned, and her hand flattened against the small of my back to cant my hips upward, keeping the pressure and rocking forward in time with my exhales. She was _really_ trying to distract me now.

The heat between us in the elevator had dimmed a little. That was the thing, I thought. The Catch 22. Sleeping with Edythe was probably, _definitely_, the best possible experience for a human to have. She was just holding back _so much_. To the point where, even if I came five times – which was usually the par – it felt like I’d just been teased to death.

Even now, she moved so slowly, hands feather light wherever they landed. My face, my arms, my breasts. Followed by tongue and lips. Her body made a cage around me, long limbs of solid, cold steel. I felt my way down to the light dusting of sunset-in-Phoenix colored pubic hair.

The cage went perfectly still as I kissed down her neck, hands leaving me to curl into fists on either side of my head. The valley between her legs was cool against my fingers.

It was all, if I was being honest, totally counterintuitive. Her skin was soft and pliable until I tried to exert any amount of pressure on it. Then it just turned into impenetrable stone. I’d found out the hard way once, trying to bite her lip lightly and almost shattering my teeth in the process. But I’d had a year to get used to everything. Like the way she went quiet and still when she was enjoying it the most. Or the odd, cold wetness that developed to guide my fingers.

“Can I…?”

“Yes,” she whispered, nose against my temple. I stroked my fingers up and down her opening before pressing in. She was incredibly tight, and there would probably be bruises on my fingers tomorrow that I’d have to hide from her. I pulled out and pushed them deeper, brushing against the part that always got a reaction.

Her breath left her in a big gust, and she pushed back onto my fingers slowly. I sealed my mouth against where her pulse point should have been, moaning as I pushed myself against her leg and moved my fingers faster.

“You feel so good,” I whispered in her ear, hoping that maybe talking would get more of a response.

_“La Gloria di colui che tutto move,” _she murmured, breathing labored. “_Per l‘universo penetra, e risplende in una parte piú e meno altrove.”_

I had no idea what she was saying, but it was hot. She went on for a while like that, words coming faster as she tried to distract herself from me. I hooked my fingers, driving in as deep as I could, only pausing as my own orgasm forced me into stillness. She seemed vaguely aware of that, shifting along with me so I rode it out as long as possible.

A little groan broke through her recitation, which was even more musical than her voice, and, finally, she stopped talking all together. I slid my fingers out as her inner walls pulsed, rubbing my thumb in a circle around the crest of her vagina. She made another noise in her throat, and her entire body seemed to vibrate for a few seconds. I made a game of trying to pry her hand out of the fist as I caught my breath.

“_Io nol soffersi molto, né sí poco_.”

“English, please?” I laughed, shifting and enjoying the way our bodies slid wetly against each other.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

She relaxed slowly, holding me close and stroking my hair away from my sweaty face. Her breath made the air smell sweet, like fresh mangos or coconut. It reminded me of the first time we’d said those words.

On Neptune Beach at sunset, just a half-hour drive from Renee and Phil’s place. We’d been swimming out deep all afternoon, Edythe pulling me down so I could walk on the seafloor next to her without floating up.

We were just lying there in the sand, waves lapping our ankles, for what felt like the longest time. She looked like a sea goddess, or a mermaid. Long red hair, salty and tangled, stuck to her shoulders and arms, and she looked so good in her one-piece that the few people that walked past us stared. I’d said it quietly, more into the wind than anything, but when I looked over she was watching me, a slow smile spreading over her face.

She smiled the same way now, pressing her face against my chest.

“What was it this time?”

“Dante.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Which one?”

“_Paradiso_,” she said, rolling the _r_ against my chin. “Of course.”

I gasped as her fingers pressed into me, long and cold and quick. I didn’t know any other languages, and I definitely couldn’t recite anything poetic from memory. All I had to offer was her name on my lips, over and over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Io nol soffersi molto, né sì poco" - "I suffer'd it not long, and yet so long" 
> 
> Here ya go, guys. Some domestic stuff while I work on the real plot. All the feedback on the first chapter was great, and I appreciate every last one of you.
> 
> I will say I'm VERY excited about the next chapter, but this one was really fun to write. Vampire sex is a lot to ponder. Let me know what you think!


	3. Everybody knows, everybody sees

I woke up the next morning with a migraine and a folded sheet of paper crushed under my hip. _Be back Sunday, _it read_, chaque jour je t’aime advantage. _Hunting, back in Forks. That explained why she’d been so eager to please the night before.

Lucky me, I thought, rolling toward the window and holding my hand up to the meek morning light.

Deep purple bruises lined the middle and pointer fingers of my left hand. Injuries well earned. The pain when I bent them tentatively didn’t even come close to that in my head. A sunbeam sparked off my wrist, a faint reminder of the year before.

Vampire bites never healed. Not for me, or even other vampires. All of the Cullens retained the bite that turned them, albeit so hidden and faint that I could only just see it under direct light, when they were cast in relief. I’d seen the one on Edythe’s neck, once, but when I ran my fingers over the spot it was undetectable.

The cold air and warmth beneath the blankets could have kept me in bed all day, but there was a lot to do. Studying for History, meeting with Caleb for the Stats project, finding time to go to the store for food. First, though, I needed to get rid of this stupid headache.

I read the note again. No one else could have gotten away with the anachronistic sappiness of a love letter, but I couldn’t make fun of her for it. I liked them too much. I stashed it in a desk drawer with the others.

Caleb was supposed to be over at eleven, but just after ten was when my headache decided to crescendo. I called and canceled as apologetically as I could. He said he was already off the train near my house and asked if I needed anything.

“No, no,” I assured, holding a cold cloth against my forehead. “Don’t worry about me. Maybe we can get stuff done tomorrow. I’m so sorry.”

“Alright,” he sighed. “Feel better.”

Drinking water didn’t help. I popped two ibuprofen and tried to cook breakfast, but the smell of frying eggs made my stomach turn. I ate them anyway, hoping it would help, and ended up leaning over the toilet.

“Mom,” I whined, resting my head on the edge of the bathtub and holding the phone to my ear. “My head.”

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” She was in Atlanta this weekend. I heard baseball practice in the background.

“Migraine.”

She clucked sympathetically. “You haven’t had one of those in a long time. Did you take medicine?”

“I threw it up.”

“Well, take some more and drink plenty of water. Is Edythe there?”

“She went home.” A blessing and a curse.

“Well, here’s what I do: make some strong coffee and take a hot bath. And stay away from screens. Okay, baby?”

“Okay,” I wiped my mouth. “Sorry I bothered you.”

“Oh, hush. Just rest your eyes for a while. I’ll call and check in later.”

The bag of coffee in the cabinet was more or less empty. Not even enough to make one cup. I would have to go outside. A glance at the window told me it was raining, but I put on sunglasses anyway. Even the bright light in the hallway made my headache rear up in anger.

I almost walked right past Alice, but she stepped in front of me, umbrella popping open with a flourish. “Hey! Can I walk with you?”

Unsurprised, I nodded, stepping under the cover in defeat. “I thought you were meeting Jessica.”

“Not for a few hours.” She already knew where I was going, so I let her lead the way, instead focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. “Are you sick?”

“Headache.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

My favorite Starbucks was only two blocks away, but it felt like a marathon. Alice talked the whole time. I did my best to contribute.

“So now they want the lace appliqué by Wednesday, and I told them I ordered it but of course I’m making all this myself. It was a last minute change, but I had a feeling I needed to be prepared, so they’re at least half done – “

Her voice blended into the crowd as we entered the coffee shop. She sat me at an empty table and braved the line while I squinted against the muted light. Everything was taking on a dreamy, warbly atmosphere.

“Here,” Alice pushed an americano across the wood, watching me take a sip and burn my tongue. Maybe it was just motherly advice working as a placebo, but the slightest bit of pain receded. “Do you want to come over?”

I shook my head. “No. I think I’m gonna just lay in bed all day.”

She perked up. “Okay. I can cancel with Jessica and come take care of you.”

“I’ll be fine,” I insisted, trying not to get irritated. Alice looked down at her hands.

“It’s no trouble.”

I stared. She glanced up at me, then away, tapping the wood with one finger. It was all extremely suspect.

“Edythe told you to watch me, didn’t she?”

No answer, but her eyes turned pleading. I stood up, clutching the coffee. “I don’t need to be _babysat_. God, I hate it when you guys do this.”

“I know…” She followed me into the rain. I pulled my hood up instead of using her umbrella. “It’s just – “

“What?” She went quiet as we crossed the street. Cold raindrops fell down my nose as I waited, impatient. “It’s just _what_, Alice?”

“You still haven’t made up your mind! I can’t see what you’re doing later.”

Something ugly pushed itself out of my chest. Real anger. Fury, even.

“So, what? You’re _fact _checking me now?” I snapped. Alice faltered, looking at me strangely. “I’m going to bed. I don’t give a _fuck_ if you see it or not.”

It occurred to me, in the back of my mind, that I’d never talked to Alice like this. I half-expected her to snap back, the way she did when she and Edythe argued. But she just pushed her hair back and looked around us, frowning. “Fine.”

“Fine.” I walked the rest of the way alone, pinching the bridge of my nose as I waited for the elevator. It did nothing to stop the building pressure. Inside, I locked the door and drew a bath. The hot water stung, almost distracted me from the pain in my head. After coffee and more pain pills, I just sat there and closed my eyes.

The worst thing about migraines was the way they made sleep impossible. I tossed and turned in my dark room, eventually trying desperately to get some reading done in what light came through the window. Moving my eyes over the words racketed the pain up to such an extreme that I could only pull the blankets over my head and cry in frustration.

Renée called again, just to make sure I was still alive. She got migraines from time to time, so she could sympathize. I did, too, though not one this bad since the summer.

That one had been a consequence of severe dehydration, after a bout of the flu. Which was odd, since I never got sick and it wasn’t even flu season. Edythe had been overbearing in the extreme, forcing me to drink lots of water and checking my temperature on the hour, in case it got too high and I needed to make Charlie take me to the hospital.

I wished she was there. Her cold hands would feel so good against my face. Even just hearing her voice would make me feel better… but she would just come straight back if she thought I was sick again. I couldn’t call. Coming back meant she’d have to go away again that much sooner.

Maybe Angela would bring me soup if I asked. My stomach twanged, pitifully empty. But I didn’t want to throw up again, so I just laid there, until the light started to fade. A whole day. I’d wasted a whole day. And yelling at Alice had been so _stupid_. I felt terrible, and lonely, and pathetic. I’d apologize in the morning…

I snapped awake sometime after dark. First, I was surprised that I’d fallen asleep at all, and upset that I’d woken up. The pain was still there, and I’d much rather be unconscious throughout it. Second was the thing that had woken me up. A pervasive, complete awareness that I wasn’t alone. Something in the air was…wrong.

“Edythe?” I asked hopefully, sitting up. My head spun, irritated at the sudden movement. Then the lights flashed on, and the pain was the last of my worries.

Because while the girl at the foot of my bed looked very much like Edythe, she definitely wasn’t. Her copper hair was too light, too curly. The blood red eyes were terrifying instead of alluring. Strange, torn, overlarge clothes hung off her body. Freckles dotted her nose and cheeks.

Of course I knew who she was. I must be dreaming…like the nightmares I’d had about James. Horrible nightmares that would have me shaking in Edythe’s arms, too scared to go back to sleep. Even if I knew he wasn’t the one I should be scared of. He was long gone. The real threat was faceless.

Maybe she hadn’t found her way into my dreams because I had never seen her.

“Vic-Victoria.”

Her lips pulled into an alarmingly cherub-like smile, revealing white, shining teeth. I started to shake, my arms only barely holding me up. James had been beautiful – unnaturally so. It was a vampire thing. But even he had been…civilized. Victoria stood hunched, like she was about to pounce or run. It was catlike, made even more terrifying by her utter perfection. A beautiful woman with a warped spine.

Edythe said she wouldn’t come after me.

“I had to see for myself.”

Her voice was high, like Alice’s. Breathier, even though the words were gibberish. It wasn’t until she went on that I realized she had a thick accent. Irish, maybe.

“You’re her sweetheart, aren’t you? The one who…” Her eyes flashed around the room continuously. Her hands looked like claws. “Who killed him.”

I found it in myself to nod, some flash of anger pushing me to speak. “He was a monster.”

She tilted her head to the side. “Aye. He was that.”

In a startling, impossibly fast movement, she was straddling me, forcing me down to the pillow with a hand around my throat. She pulled my arm out and turned my wrist up toward the light. Wherever she touched me there was only pain. And fear. Too much of both. It felt like my head was going to explode.

“And now his essence lives in you.”

I tried to stammer out a confused _what?,_ but her hand was too tight around my throat. The grip around my wrist was even tighter. My pulse beat against her fingers as she examined the old bite with narrowed eyes, searching for something.

“I can still smell him…” She pressed my skin to her nose.

_Please, _I tried to beg. _Don’t do this._ Only a strangled, warbled _p_ made it past my lips. There wasn’t any air going in or out. She ran her tongue along the indentations where James’ teeth had torn through my skin. It was like ice. My vision started to go dark around the edges.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” she said, though her eyes were glued to my wrist predatorially. “I’m not. I’m too curious.”

It sounded like she was trying to convince herself not to kill me, and another wave of terror kept me from understanding her words. My body, in a desperate attempt at surviving, tried to force air into my lungs. It created a horrible, gasping cry. Victoria turned her gaze to mine, and then to my throat. Her hand loosened a little, letting me gasp freely for oxygen. She smelled just as good as Edythe.

“A-about…what…?” It hurt to speak.

Her smile was fascinated, like I was some forest creature that had started speaking out of nowhere. “Your blood. I can smell him in it.”

My voice was barely more than a whisper. “No.”

“It was your fault.” Her hair draped down, the frizz tickling my nose as she leaned over me. The perfect, smiling face wasn’t angry, but her voice was. “He chose the hunt over me. I _told_ him – I _protected _him, always. Now I face eternity alone. And you – and _her_ – live on. Breathing. Talking.” Crimson eyes flashed to the other half of the bed, where I was sure our scents from last night still mingled. “Making love. Doesn’t it hurt?”

“Hurt?” There was no way she was asking what I thought she was asking. “Of – of course not.”

She frowned, unsure. I wondered why I even bothered defending my sex life to her. Then I wondered where the hell Alice was. She wasn’t here already. She hadn’t seen Victoria coming…Maybe it was a last minute decision.

Or…maybe she didn’t see it because she wasn’t watching me. I’d basically screamed at her not to.

“She should have changed you by now,” Victoria muttered. “If you’re hers, why would she leave you like this?”

Alice wasn’t coming.

“Like _what?”_ I asked, desperate to keep her talking.

_“Weak,”_ she said with distaste. “James thought you must be mates, but it looks like she doesn’t want to keep you.”

Keep me. A cold, creeping dread gripped me. As tightly as Victoria’s hands. “Edythe – Edythe loves me.”

“_James_ loved me,” she snarled. “He saved me from a meaningless life.”

Her weight disappeared. I put my back to the wall on instinct, watching her pick up a Polaroid from my desk. I couldn’t see which one.

“I suppose you will see very soon her true feelings. Once she realizes.”

“Realizes what?” Somehow, my confusion was stronger than my terror. Victoria set the picture down, eyes still flashing all around.

“What you are. Will soon become.” Her eyes sparkled as I stuttered for words.

“Human. I’m human.”

“A half-life,” she said. Then she looked at the window. “It’s already started.”

“Wait!” I cried, but she was already gone. Wind blew through the open window, and my limbs shook with fear and cold. I wobbled my way to the window and pushed it closed, locking it, like that would do anything. The picture sitting on the corner of the desk was of Edythe, back in my bedroom at Charlie’s house. She made a half-hearted attempt at covering her face. The camera flash sparkled off of her teeth as she smiled.

My knees gave out.

I was safe. Victoria was gone. So why was I so _scared?_ I retched once, but nothing came up. My throat ached like I’d swallowed sandpaper, and air was hard to get down. It just whooshed in and out of my mouth without hitting my lungs properly.

When somebody touched me, I flinched away. It took that same person several seconds of saying my name for me to realize that it was Alice. I opened my eyes, and relief flitted over her face.

“Are you hurt?” She asked, reaching out. “Anything broken?”

I pulled back, my shoulder slamming into the wall. Her eyes went wide.

“Bella…Bella, it’s me,” she whispered, knotting her fingers together. “Please don’t be scared of me.”

At her quiet plea, the fear seemed to break, and there was only aftermath. I reached out, and she pulled me into a tight hug. Her little body was still beneath mine as the sobs wracked through me.

“My…head…” was all I could say, voice harsh and scratchy. After everything, it still hurt so _bad_.

Alice pulled away sharply, holding my shoulders. “Did she – did you hit it?”

I shook my head, trying to stifle my sobs as she stared at me, concern etched across every pore.

“C’mon,” she urged, pulling me to my feet and eventually having to carry me when I couldn’t support myself. I was sure I’d heard Jasper’s voice, but he wasn’t anywhere I could see. “You need to shower, okay? There’s no telling what sort of germs she had.”

When I just stood there, bare feet on the bathroom tile, she sighed and started undressing me herself, pulling me away from my reflection. I didn’t have the mental capacity to be embarrassed, and just let her usher me under the hot water.

After she pulled the curtain shut, instructing me to scrub myself down, the bathroom door opened. I heard Jasper again, just under the noise of the shower.

“I’m so sorry,” Alice said when I was wrapped in a towel and dripping. Everything about her expression indicated crying, but of course there were no tears. “I’m so sorry. I – I was trying to give you some space, like you asked. But…I still should have seen it! It should have just _come_ to me. There – there wasn’t _anything_ until I saw her leaving!”

I wanted to tell her it was okay, but trying to speak irritated my throat and I could only cough, leaning against the wall for support. Alice’s lip trembled.

“Can you bring me some clothes?” My voice was a disaster. She nodded and flitted away. In the quiet, I stepped forward, looking at my reflection. Nearly black, finger-shaped lines stained the skin on my throat. My arm, too. And they stung.

I cradled the pile of clothes she handed through the door against my chest, staring at the mirror. It wasn’t just the bruises. Exhaustion had carved dark circles under my eyes. There was a zit forming on my chin, and one above my eyebrow. My eyes still looked panicked, like some abused animal found with matted hair and its ribs showing.

Every inch of me screamed _weak_.

_It looks like she doesn’t want to keep you._

I should have been more worried about the fact that Victoria had been there at all. What she said shouldn’t matter this much.

But it did. Did Edythe _not_ want to keep me?

When people loved each other, and wanted to be together forever, they got married. Moved in together. But Edythe wasn’t people. Forever with her was something very different. Maybe I was meant to understand that from the start, or at any point over the past year when we had very pointedly not talked about the future.

“Bella?” Alice said, knocking lightly. “Are you okay?”

I cleared my throat, but it didn’t help. “Yes.”

When I was dressed, I sat next to Jasper on the couch. Right away, calm washed over me and I could breathe. He’d been outside – his hair and clothes were damp and smelled like rain. I ignored the way his eyes lingered on my bruises.

“Here,” Alice said, forcing a hot mug into my hands. I sipped the tasteless green tea perfunctorily as she kneeled at my feet. It burned. “What happened?”

Alice wanted to know what happened. Of course she did. I should have told her everything Victoria had said. The stuff about Edythe, and about…about my blood. I’d nearly forgotten about _that._ That she could smell James on me, or something. Through my pounding headache, I tried to recollect to myself everything she had said and commit it to memory.

I would see Edythe’s true feelings soon, she said. Once she saw what I was becoming. A half-life. Too many different things that I feared.

The flash of cold dread that tried to grab me was quashed as soon as it appeared. Jasper’s frown told me that he was trying to understand, too.

“Bella,” Alice urged. I realized I’d been slowly shaking my head, and stopped. “Please.”

“She was here when I woke up,” I blurted. “I – she was curious.”

“Curious,” Jasper repeated, voice hard. I pressed my lips shut, taking another sip while he and Alice looked at each other. She shook her head in warning.

“What is it?” I asked, used to their little ways of communicating silently.

Jasper pulled one leg up on the cushions to face me. “I find it strange she left you alive. It’s not our way.”

I nodded in agreement, biting my lip. His bluntness made me feel slightly less crazy.

“What did she say to you?” Alice asked, tapping my knee for attention. Her eyes held mine for a long moment, narrowed in concentration. I knew what she was doing – scanning the future for answers and only seeing my silence. I was shaking my head again, and that irritated her. “She didn’t say _anything?_ Come on, Bella.”

Jasper exhaled loudly, and her eyes flicked to his. “What?”

“Give her a minute!”

“I’m just asking what – “

“You don’t believe me,” I whispered. Her mouth fell open at the accusation, like she was offended.

“Edythe is going to go _berserk _when I tell her what happened!” She exclaimed. “I’d like to have something of value to say when I call!” She got to her feet. I saw Jasper staring at me from the corner of my eye, his eyes wide with surprise. “She waited this long to show up and said she was _curious _about you? Why?”

The anger was back, and stronger than before. I couldn’t fight it, and Jasper seemed too caught off guard to fight it for me.

“It’s _your_ fault this happened,” I said through my teeth. Alice looked baffled. “I don’t want you here.”

_That’s enough, _a voice in the back of my head urged. _She doesn’t deserve this._

And yet my hands shook with the force of it. It must be how Jacob felt, like at any moment my body would split in two and I’d become some _thing_ with sharp claws and gnashing teeth.

And because I couldn’t think of anything else to say that wasn’t mean, because I was so scared that I might break and tell them what Victoria said, I just buried my face in my hands and tried to control my breathing. The silence was tense. I didn’t think either one of them was breathing.

When the door finally opened and shut, I looked up. Jasper hadn’t moved. He was just kind of staring at me, face blank. I didn’t feel so angry anymore. It wasn’t Jasper’s doing, I didn’t think – the source of my irritation had just left.

“We should call Edythe,” he said slowly. I groaned and dropped my head into my hands again. I remembered _very_ vividly how Edythe acted when she thought my life was in danger.

“Can we not?”

“She should hear your voice first,” he said almost apologetically, pressing my phone into my hand. I hadn’t even noticed him going to get it. “It’ll…help.”

My hands shook as I found her name and hit _call_, the dial tone like a shrieking alarm to my fragile head. She picked up on the first ring.

“Hello, my love,” she said warmly. A voice in the background – Emmett – interrupted my answer. I could hear the eye roll in her voice. “My _least_ favorite brother says hello. What are you doing still awake?”

I almost couldn’t do it. Her voice was so light and joyful. “Edythe,” I breathed, and just saying her name opened up the waterworks. Jasper grimaced, like this wasn’t exactly what he had in mind

The other end of the call had gone silent. “What’s wrong?” Edythe asked, much quieter. I could basically feel her panic spinning out of control, assuming the worst. “Did you have a nightmare?”

“No. I’m with Alice and Jasper – “ getting louder was a mistake. I sounded horrible. “I’m fine. I – “

“What. Happened.”

I cringed at the starkness in her voice. Jasper held his hand out, and I passed the phone over gratefully.

“Victoria was here,” he said into the receiver without hesitation. A pause. “Yes,” his eyes moved away from mine, troubled. “No.”

He hung up.

“That’s _it?_” I spluttered, wiping my eyes.

“I’m sure it’s not,” he said dryly. “She’s on her way.”

I nodded in resignation, turning horizontal and resting my head on a pillow. My head hurt, my throat hurt. And now…

Everything would change, if Edythe had anything to say about it. I wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but I had to stop it.

The resolution that formed was abrupt and final.

“Jasper?” I whispered. “Can you make me go to sleep?”

The couch shifted and he was sitting on the floor by my face. His deep ochre eyes were kind. “Give me your hand.”

I held it out, and his icy fingers wrapped around mine. The flood of drowsiness covered everything else, and I let my eyes slide shut.


	4. Fights and Frights

I ran to Seattle in under two hours by sheer force of will, only just deciding not to swim straight through the sound. I’d ruin another phone, at any rate. Emmett and Rose were somewhere on the road with my car.

Once in the city, I took to the rooftops, coming to our apartment from the West.

“Get away from her,” I snapped, gliding in through the sitting room window. There was too much danger here. Victoria’s scent, and Bella’s fear. It was thick and palpable in the air.

_ I was just helping her sleep. _Hurt seeped through Jasper’s mind as he let go of her hand and backed toward the kitchen.

I dropped to my knees next to her unconscious form, checking everything I could without moving her. Heartbeat and breathing both normal. The bruises were not.

“Tell me,” I demanded, pushing up her sleeve to examine the marks. Jasper replayed everything for three long seconds. I turned, so beyond fury it was difficult to think.

“You lost the trail.”

He nodded. _Over the bridge. I missed her by minutes._

“Minutes.” I pulled my hands away from Bella. “Get Alice over here.”

_Bella sent her away, _he thought, remembering.

“I saw that.”

_It wasn’t like her. She was so _angry_, Edythe._

“I don’t _care_.”

“I’ll call,” he murmured. I nodded and got to my feet.

The scent was heaviest over the bed. I moved slowly around it, horrified. My presence disturbed the air, recreating the scene.

Alice was right to make her shower. Vampires didn’t need to keep up with personal hygiene when their only contact with humans was for mealtimes. Bacteria lived a long time on our skin. I ripped the sheets off and stuffed them into the trash bin, pouring a small amount of bleach over the fabric. I didn’t want it here. That scent _couldn’t_ be here.

“Ed,” Jasper said quietly, hanging up the call. “She’s not coming back here. She’s upset.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” I hissed, dropping the beach onto the counter and closing my eyes. “Just go.”

_Edythe, calm down. Don’t let her see you like this_. He watched me, insistent but not dumb enough to force calm on me. _She’s scared you’ll do what you always _–

“Get out.” I snapped. “Please.”

He left. I kneeled next to Bella, listening to her breathing and watching the minute changes in expression that creased her brow as she slept. Eventually, as her heartbeat remained constant and strong, the worst of the anger faded into the background. She was alive. I could think around that.

And my thoughts were on Victoria. She was _curious_, Bella had said. Curious wasn’t good. It wasn’t a _reason. _Curious was unfathomable – I couldn’t’ imagine her leaving Bella in one piece after what we’d done to James.

And Alice had gaps in her vision. It was all the same. It was all happening _again._ Only without the wolves here to intervene, there was no explanation for why she was missing things.

_Qui court deux lievres a la fois, n’en prent aucun – _he who runs after two hares catches neither. Jasper was right - I knew I had a tendency to overreact. And Bella was happy here. She said as much, all the time. It was _my _‘life’ that was a façade. I’d quit my job, maybe even drop out of school. Whatever it took to keep her safe, without repeating my previous mistakes. Because she wouldn’t leave no matter what happened. And trying to make her wouldn’t work, either.

Rose and Emmett didn’t call. They must have gone to Alice’s. Jasper would have warned them off of seeing me. I was grateful for it, and hated that I would have to apologize to him for my outburst.

Bella woke with a start in the early morning, before the sun touched the sky. I’d forgotten to turn the lights on, but moving even a foot away felt like too much. I reassured her as best I could, making my voice edgeless and quiet.

“Edythe,” she whispered, voice ravaged.

“Yes,” I leaned forward, touching my forehead to hers. Her breaths came fast and hot, nearly condensating on my cold face.

“How long have you been back?”

“Not long.” I remembered her complaint to Alice. “Does your head still hurt?”

“Not as much.” She gripped my hand, drawing it to her chest. I could tell when it started – when she began carefully collecting her terror and hiding it away from me.

“Do you need anything?” I asked. “Medicine?”

She nodded. “I think the headache stuff is in the kitchen.”

Reluctantly, I stood, getting a glass of water from the kitchen. I turned the light on as I returned, helping her sit up to drink it. She winced at the movement, and the glass shattered in my hands.

“_Shit,”_ I hissed, watching the water soak into the rug. “Sorry.”

Bella gave me a frightened look. “You’re mad.”

I dropped the rest of the cup onto the mess, sitting back on my heels. “Apparently.”

It sounded strange when she took two pills without water. “Are you mad at me?”

“Of course not,” I breathed, shocked she would even suggest it. “Why would I be?”

“You should…” She took a deep, shaking breath. “I told Alice not…not to watch me. Don’t be mad at her.”

“_You_ are,” I challenged.

“I was.” She looked down. “I don’t even know why.”

“Don’t worry.” I tried for levity, afraid to touch her. “She has that effect on people.”

Bella stared down at her hands for a long while. I waited.

“You’re not trying to get me on a plane,” she said. Her eyebrows were drawn together, eyes fixed on her lap. Jasper was right. She was afraid of me, and I hated myself for bringing us to this point.

“Bella – “

“I don’t think you should overreact,” she said in a rush, eyes wide. “She didn’t hurt me – let me finish!” She gestured to her neck. The horrible bruising. “This…I don’t think she _meant_ to do it.”

I stared at the discolored skin.

“There’s no use trying to find her. If she can mess with Alice’s visions…”

I didn’t care if the bruises had been intentional or not. I already had more than enough reason to kill Victoria. This was just insult to injury.

“I agree with you,” I said anyway. She looked shocked.

“You do?” I nodded. The wary look didn’t leave her face. “So…so we agree? On keeping things normal?”

“Normal?” I tried the word. “Yes. Things can stay normal for you. I’ll make sure of it.”

Her eyes narrowed. “For me?”

I nodded again.

“What are you going to do?” Her voice took on a panicked edge.

“I’ll make sure she never gets near you again.” Things getting this far showed just how much I'd been living in a cloud the past year. It was all my fault.

“Oh, yeah?” She sat up straighter, eyes ablaze. “How will you manage that? Quit your job and follow me? Make Jasper babysit me all hours of the day?”

I _knew_ she would make this difficult. I was doing everything I could to accommodate her, and she was still fighting it. “What do you suggest, Bella? We act like nothing happened?”

“_No,”_ she cried, throwing her hands up. “But I won’t let you throw _your_ life away to keep me happy! You _love _your job. You _love_ school!”

“I love _you_,” I said harshly, rising to my feet. It was wrong, and I was a little resentful of her for making me say it. Those words should only ever be spoken in happiness. “The job doesn’t matter. Carlisle can help us – “

“No.”

“What do you mean _no_?”

She looked up at me obstinately. I grit my teeth. “I won’t let you. I _won’t_. We don’t need to let her come between us.”

“She didn’t come between us. She came here while you were alone. Are you even aware of what could have happened?”

“Don’t talk down to me,” she said quietly. I clenched my hands to keep from breaking anything else. “I’m not scared of her.”

I laughed. “You were catatonic. Shaking on the floor.”

“Edythe.” She got to her knees, placing her hands on my sides, gripping my shirt. “I can’t explain it. You have to believe me – she’s not a threat.”

“How can you _say_ that?” I cried. She flinched at my volume. “Look at yourself!”

Those words did something I didn’t anticipate – Bella gasped. She gasped, and she pulled away from me. With movements that pained her and tore agony into my chest, she climbed over the far side of the couch – away from the glass, and me – and stood at the window.

“Would it be so horrible,” I whispered gently. “To have me around that much more?”

“I’m asking you to trust me.” She sniffed loudly.

I paced to the other end of the room, glass crunching underfoot. Maybe I should have gone for a walk to get away from her scent, or her tears. I was susceptible to both, too easily manipulated. That must be why I was so confused – why I could even _consider_ that her words had any degree of sense.

“Trust you with your own life, Bella? I _can’t_. Not after what you pulled the last time.”

There was a shocked breath from the other side of the room, but I couldn’t bring myself to apologize. She needed to understand where I was coming from. I had never expected her to go to James on her own. It couldn’t happen again. _Someone _had to place value on her life, if she wouldn’t.

“I’m not a child. And I’m not an idiot, whatever you may think.” I heard her hands move through her hair, pulling at it in frustration. Her voice took on a frantic tone. “I – I can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect me!”

Irritation hit me like a train, and I had to grit my teeth not to respond with anger. I dug my fingers into my temples, glaring at the wall. What did she think this _was? _Some domestic display of power? Couldn’t she see my _terror_?

“Okay, Bella,” I forced out. A coward, that’s what I was. Paralyzed in the face of losing the only thing I’d ever loved completely. “Whatever you want.”

**************

I’d been assigned a seat in the back of the huge Chemistry auditorium, thanks to my last name. It was hard to focus on the best of days, but having to squint didn’t help. And now I was so hopelessly preoccupied with what had happened over the weekend that I might as well stop coming. _Mondays_, I thought darkly.

Some people had shed their coats or scarves, but I was directly under the vent and shivering. Wet, mushy rain drifted past the windows as my professor lectured on about whatever it was I was supposed to understand. I glanced over my shoulder at the clock, watching Angela scribbling notes furiously in the backmost row.

Twenty minutes left. The scratching fabric of my scarf irritated my neck as I pulled it tighter, ruffling my hair so it hung over my shoulders, damp and curling. My coffee cup was empty, so I peeled at the Styrofoam with my fingers.

I felt hungover emotionally. From the fight, from the stony silence hanging over our home like a cloud. I didn’t like going to sleep alone.

What I said – and I still didn’t even know what had come over me – was horrible. I deserved for her to laugh in my face at the petty, veiled threat. But she didn’t laugh. She didn’t react at all, really.

I’d just wanted to prove Victoria _wrong_. Prove that Edythe wanted to keep me, in some way. Maybe it would be easier to know how she felt if I just told her …

Half-life. What if Edythe knew what it meant? _She_ was the one I wanted to talk about it with. More than anyone. But bringing it up was too hard. _Apologizing_ was too hard. It was so _dumb_. Because instead of being angry, Edythe was quiet. I’d all but given her an ultimatum, and she was just being _polite_ about it. Ugh.

I walked to the library after lecture. Angela would meet me after her next class, and then maybe she could help me with the lesson I’d just all but ignored. It was busy between classes. I sat at near a window, watching people climb and descend the two central stairways. When that couldn’t hold my attention, I turned to watch the rainy plaza.

Jacob was my second choice, but that was complicated, too. The pack. They’d put a target on Victoria’s back long before we had. Someone should tell them what was going on. And as for the rest…

It reminded me of my promise. Back in spring.

_“Jake!” I sang, skipping into the garage. He sat up from the nearly-finished motorcycle, turning down the volume on some rock station._

_“Hey! You’re back!”_

_“I’m back.” I jumped into the ratty old armchair, sending it rocking. He laughed as I almost tipped straight backwards._

_“Bring me a souvenir?”_

_“I think there’s some sand in my suitcase.”_

_“You shouldn’t have.” He wiped his hair out of his face with the back of his hand. “Why are you smiling like that?”_

_I shrugged. “I’m in _love_.”_

_“Oh.” He raised his eyebrows. “Finally told her, huh?”_

_“Yes.” I tried not to be put out by his reaction. I was always excited for updates about him and Paul. “Aren’t you gonna ask if she said it back?”_

_“Oh, I know she said it back.”_

_“You’re that sure?” I mocked._

_“She’s said it before.”_

_I stopped rocking. “What?!”_

_“She said it before she…” he gestured. “Made out with your wrist.”_

_I made a face, looking down at my arm. “What, you mean the bite?"_

_He nodded._

_“When she...?” He nodded again, like I was stupid._

_Why didn’t I remember that? It would have been nice to know, instead of fretting over when to say it for the past few weeks._

_Jake stood up and stretched, a little frown on his face. “Hey, you’ll…I mean, if you decide to, y’know, could I get a heads up or something?”_

_“What?”_

_He wiped his hands on a rag. “I just don’t want to be surprised by it.”_

_“…by what?”_

_He gave me a pleading look, and I understood with a jolt. It probably shouldn’t have caught me off guard, honestly. It was just that sometimes…_

_I knew Edythe was a vampire. It wasn’t something I could forget…but we had just been so wrapped up in each other. Something like that didn’t seem to matter. Without the threat of James after me, she had been more or less…a girl. Maybe a little less than most, but still. _

_“We – we don’t talk about that. I…” My words ran dry too quickly, and Jake softened._

_“Well, isn’t that the next step? That’s what they do, right? Find their soulmate or whatever and seal the deal?”_

_Not quite. Not like this. Rosalie had saved Emmett from death without knowing him. Alice found Jasper long after he’d been turned… The person who’d turned _her_ had done it out of pity, not love. Edythe and Esme, too, had been bitten on the brink of death._

_“Look,” he said, worried by my silence. “I’m not trying to burst the bubble or anything – I won’t even bring it up again.”_

_“It’s fine. You’ll be the first to know when I decide to become a vampire.” I thought it was obvious I meant it as a joke, but Jake didn’t laugh. He just nodded and said a quiet thank you. _

I thought about that word now, staring out at the clouds. Soulmate. Jacob had used it, and so had Victoria. Mate…mate…I puzzled over it, trying to define what it was that perturbed me. Edythe had never called me her soulmate.

For the nth time that day, I checked over my shoulder. Not for Victoria, but for Edythe. I almost didn’t trust her not to have dropped everything to start following me around.

So I did a double-take when Emmett was waiting for me as we left the library later on. Surprise, then anger. I stomped over to him, vaguely aware of Angela following. “What are you doing here?”

His little outfit, too – a sweater over a button up. And slacks. Trying too hard to look like a college student. People still stared.

“Hey, Emmet!” Angela said, throwing me a look. Probably wondering why the hell I was upset to see him. He pushed off of a pillar lazily.

“What up, kiddos?”

“It’s good to see you,” Angela said, giving him a one-armed hug. “I’ve gotta run to my last class. How long – ?“

“Not long at all,” I clarified. Jessica would have started the inquisition right there, but Angela just squeezed my arm in goodbye, opting out of the argument. Emmett grinned wider when she was gone.

“Thanks for the warm welcome, Jingle Bells. I was in town, and I couldn’t help but wonder if you needed someone to walk you home.”

His tone was light, teasing. I wanted to punch something. “I can’t _believe_ her,” I growled. “Too scared to face me herself, so she makes _you_ come all the way up?”

“Like I said, I was in town.”

“Since when?”

“Hm…” he pretended to try and recall. “Saturday night, maybe?”

I shook out a pain in my wrist, irritated that no one had told me he was here. “Is she at work?”

He nodded. Ugh. I thought I had been clear, but of course she’d found the loophole. I said _she _couldn’t give up everything to watch me. She never promised not to make the others do her dirty work.

I started walking, past the central plaza. A wintry, sinking sun was out for the moment. People tentatively closed their umbrellas and pulled their hoods down, looking around dazedly.

“Get away from me,” I said when his arm brushed mine, nearly knocking me sideways. Obviously, it wouldn’t matter how fast I walked, but I tried to leave him behind anyway. “Go home.”

“Stop looking so mad,” he admonished. “People are gonna think _I’m _the one who bruised you up.”

I tugged my collar higher. “How can you even joke about that?”

“Sheesh. Someone’s got to.” I could feel him watching me out of the corner of his eye. “You two had a big fight, huh?”

I hit the crosswalk button with too much force. “Did she tell you to annoy me to death? Because you’d think that would kind of defeat the purpose.”

“Edythe didn’t _make_ me do this.” He stepped onto the road a second before the _walk_ signal started blinking, waving cheerily at the taxi that had to slam on its brakes. I hurried to stay between him and the traffic. “I volunteered. Being a nuisance was just incentive.”

I balked when he started to follow me into work, putting a hand on his huge chest. “What are you doing?”

He shrugged. “Thought I’d get a cup of coffee. I heard they have cute waitresses here.”

I ignored his wink, shaking my head. “Absolutely not. Fuck off.”

“Sorry,” he stepped over the threshold, pushing me along with him. “I’m already here.”

And he stayed, for my entire three hour shift. I gave him my backpack so he could watch TV on my computer like a toddler. Jessica came in after me, her delight only egging him on. I refused to speak to him, but she kept going over to his booth to chat or offer him more coffee. The to-go cup lid hid the fact that he wasn’t actually drinking it.

He ordered three different pastries, meeting my eye as he chewed. It was his favorite party trick, only funny because of how disgusted everyone else was by it. Watching a vampire throw up was somehow more graphic than actual vomit, because it all came back up in sopping wet, undigested pieces – and it smelled _good_ to me, which was highly disturbing. But I carefully didn’t crack a smile throughout the whole ordeal this time.

“What’s your problem?” Jess asked, toasting him another bear claw. Then her eyes lit up. “Since he and Rosalie are here, maybe we could all go out tonight? C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

“It’s Monday,” I chastised, cashing out a customer. “I have homework.”

“I _never_ have homework,” she said, almost regretfully. “Political Science is a joke. I guess they know we’ll get our asses kicked when we get to law school.”

“Will you be my defense when I murder him?”

Emmett gave me an exaggerated eye roll from behind her back.

“What did he _do_?” She laughed. “He’s Emmett!”

_I’m Emmett_, he mouthed, giving what he clearly thought was an adorable little shrug. He moved his gaze back to the screen when Jessica looked over her shoulder.

I was still angry when I clocked out. He left Jessica a ridiculous tip that she tried to refuse.

“Are you gonna be here this weekend?” She asked hopefully, sliding the bill into her apron. “There’s a Halloween party! It’s gonna be huge, I hear.”

I tried to duck past him to get to the door, but he put his arm around my shoulder casually, holding me in place with the force of an industrial clamp.

“Halloween, you say?”

Jessica cocked a tray on her hip. “Halloween. Secret location. The theme is…_indie_,” she waved a hand dramatically. Defeat sat heavy in my stomach. Emmett loved indie horror.

“That sounds awesome,” he said earnestly. “We’ll be there.”

Her eyes widened as she looked to me. “Really?”

I shrugged, and she only got more excited, already talking about texting me costume ideas. Emmett advised her to talk to Alice about it, and my fury shot through the roof. Once Alice caught wind, it was a done deal.

I shrugged his arm away when we were on the street, headed toward the bus stop. His placid, unshakable smile irked me.

“This is ridiculous,” I muttered.

“Which part? The part where you think the scary, evil vampire won’t be back? Or the part where you get mad at Edythe for caring?”

“I _wish_ she cared,” I scoffed. He frowned at me.

“That’s harsh, Bella. She’s…complying.”

“’Complying’. It really paints our relationship in a good light, doesn’t it?” And she wasn't even, not really. I wanted _normal_, and that didn't include being followed around all the time. “What’s she planning?”

He shrugged, not meeting my eyes. “No plan.”

“Is anyone going to tell the pack?”

His teeth glinted in the streetlamp light. “Not unless you snitch us out.”

“Is she mad at me?” I asked, quieter. Emmett took my backpack from me, slinging it over his shoulder.

“_No,_ Bella. Now can you stop pretending you’re not happy to see me?”

It was useless. I couldn’t pick a fight with him, and I couldn’t make him talk. He continued to thaw me against my will, so that by the time I got home I was almost happy. New sheets were waiting for me, still in their wrapping.

I was washing them and pulling the back-ups from the bed when Edythe got home. I looked up to find her watching me from the bedroom doorway.

“Hey.” I sounded stiff, despite my best intentions, and she gave a resigned little sigh. Abruptly tired of the distance between us, I walked over and buried my face in her neck.

“I’m confused,” she admitted after a second. “I thought you’d be upset.”

“I am. I’m furious.”

“Oh.” A hesitant hand cradled the back of my head.

“Sorry,” I muttered, feeling safe where she couldn’t see my face. “You know I didn’t mean it, right?”

She must have known what I was talking about. Her breathing stopped. “Do I?”

“Edythe.” I tried to pull back, but she wouldn’t let me. “Let me see you.”

“I don’t want you to see me,” she whispered, turning her mouth to my ear. “Just listen – I would let it happen.” She was talking fast, forcing me to listen intently as the words ran together. She only talked this fast around me when she was very nervous. “I _would _have our relationship end before I let something else happen to you. If there weren’t others who cared about you almost as much as I do, that could help me provide you this peace of mind, then I wouldn’t think twice about it. It wouldn’t be a question.”

I swallowed. “Even if I didn’t want you to.”

“Yes,” she said, with some conviction.

My next words spilled out from pure panic. “Even if I found someone else.”

Once again, I didn’t know what reaction I wanted. Her silence only disappointed me. I didn’t even have a heartbeat to hear, or heat that rose to her skin in anger, like mine did. She was impossible to read.

Finally, “I wouldn’t care less about you if you did.”

Something shattered to pieces in my chest before I could really analyze her words. So that was her plan. That no matter what, she’d just watch over me like some benevolent guardian angel. Was I supposed to take that as some kind of courtesy?

Maybe she was _counting_ on it. If she didn’t want to ‘keep’ me, it would sure be a lot easier for her if I moved on before asking questions about my mortality.

She didn’t prod me while I thought, which was unusual. But I couldn’t make myself voice any of my worries. I was too chicken. Horrified that perhaps we didn’t understand each other on a simple level. Or that _I _just didn’t understand. I miscalculated what it meant to be in love with someone immortal. That even though I was the one getting older, she would grow out of me.

We stood there for a long time, holding each other tightly like that would bring understanding.

************

_She’s upset, _Alice thought, pinning something in place over Jessica’s hip. _All week. Jasper feels it._

I looked up from my sheet music. Bella and Angela pored over a study guide on Alice’s couch. Jasper lay on the floor, quizzing Jessica over sociology terms. He liked her. She was always happy.

Bella didn’t _look_ upset. She blushed and giggled and joked. The past four days had been normal. But I knew something was amiss. I didn’t want to assume…if she wanted to talk about it, it must be her prerogative. In the interest of keeping things _normal_, I didn’t broach the topic. My patience was waning.

Rose and Emmett were out touring the Space Needle, or so they said. Either way, they wouldn’t be back tonight, preferring to spend their time doing vulgar things on some secluded rooftop.

_You need to talk about it, _Alice nudged again, giving me a pointed look. _It’s festering._

I ignored her. We still weren’t really speaking, and her repeated apologies were less annoying than _this_.

“How’s that?” She asked aloud, pulling some of the draping black mesh out so it fanned down Jessica’s legs.

“Perfect!” Jessica sang, twirling. “Now I just need some kind of big gaudy amulet thing. There’s gotta be some kind of new age store around this city. What do you think, Bells?”

Bella looked over, shrugging. “You look great. I just don’t think anyone will know what you are.”

“People have seen _The Love Witch_,” Jessica snapped. It was a running argument. “Besides, I don’t have my hair and makeup done.”

“It’s beautiful,” Angela said, secretly quite relieved to be going home for Halloween. She was taking her younger siblings trick-or-treating, and much preferred a tame night with them and Ben.

“You’re gonna be hot, Bells,” Jessica continued. “God, those frat guys won’t even look at me.”

Bella smiled, catching my eye. Jessica’s words sent a thrill of contained jealousy through me. I didn’t truly mind, and there was no harm in it, but Bella was marginally more sociable while drinking. Men tended to take it the wrong way. It was hard to not think about ripping apart anyone who looked at her with anything less than total respect. And with the costume she had in mind, I’d be in for a very long night on Saturday.

Her smile faded when I just stared, and she looked away from me. Alice noticed this and drew a very incorrect conclusion. Jasper felt our respective shifts in moods and dropped the sheet of paper so it draped over his face, letting out a quiet noise of exasperation.

_Why can’t you all just communicate?_

“We can work on yours tomorrow, Bella,” Alice said. “Two o’clock works.” At Bella’s raised eyebrows, she cleared her throat. “I mean, does two work?”

“I think it might.”

We walked home together in deceptively companionable quiet. She seemed deep in thought, as she had been since Monday.

“You’re so far away,” I murmured, looking over her shoulder as she cooked dinner. The room smelled like tomatoes and garlic and steam.

“No, I’m not,” she said lightly, spreading sauce across another layer of the lasagna. I _harrumphed _my dissatisfaction with that answer into her hair. She giggled as she sprinkled a layer of cheese on top. “I can’t think. Too hungry.”

She bent down to deposit it in the oven, her rear pressing against my thighs. “How long will that take?”

“A half-hour.” She turned and pressed herself against me, leaning on her toes for a kiss. I brought a hand to the back of her neck, gazing at the flush that spread under her skin, the way each eyelash curled upward as they brushed her cheeks.

She opened her eyes and saw me looking, pulling away with a smack. “What?”

“I love you.”

There was a slight hesitation before she answered, and it terrified me.

“Can we talk about it?” I asked. This wasn’t fair. I had done everything she asked of me, and it still felt like I was being punished. Her gray eyes shuttered automatically.

“About what?”

“About this.” I pressed a pointer finger against her forehead. She grimaced.

“Why do I have to do all the talking? I can’t exactly read _your_ mind, either.”

I pulled my finger down the bridge of her nose. “I’m an open book.” She snorted. “Truly.”

“Our anniversary is coming up.”

The change in subject brought me up short. In the back of my head, I of course knew it had been a year since we met. But I hadn’t kissed her until December.

“What are you basing that on?” I asked. Her full lips tilted up in a smile.

“Not the concert. You were way too antagonistic.” I couldn’t help but smile – we remembered that night very differently. “The fundraiser was better, but I was trying to annoy _you_ that time…”

“Wrong,” I cut in. She blinked. “You only made me fall more hopelessly in love with you.”

“I threw up!”

“You made me laugh.” I kissed her lightly. “Are you saying you want to celebrate?”

“No,” she said hesitantly. “No, I…it’s just been a good year, is all. The best one.”

“The best one _yet_,” I corrected. Her smile faded into something painful. Serious.

“The best one,” she said again, looking away and sniffing. “I have you to thank for that.”

“Stop _doing_ that,” I pleaded, shaking her shoulders. She kept saying things that sounded like _goodbye_. “And you say I’m cryptic!”

She chewed the inside of her cheek, so hard I heard the skin nearly break. Then her lower lip wobbled.

“What’s _wrong?_”

“Nothing.”

“_Something_,” I growled. “You’re sad. Jasper feels it. Victoria said something to you, didn’t she?”

It was the only thing I could think of – Alice thought she’d left something out in her recounting of Victoria’s visit, and I was starting to agree. We hadn’t seen hide nor red hair of her since Saturday, but Bella was _off._

“Don’t tell me what I feel!” She said, with a burst of exasperation. “You and Jasper both. I’m in college! Stress is normal! I’m _terrible_ at Chemistry, and I’m gonna get _fat_ because all I do is eat! I’m so hungry all the time and _you_ keep bringing me this _food_ that I _know_ is horrible for me but I don’t care because I’m so _stressed_! What I _don’t_ need is my perfect, supermodel-thin girlfriend to ask me _why _I’m upset because you. Don’t. Get it!”

I stepped back from the force of her outburst. “_That’s_ all it is?” I hadn’t considered that the underlying tension could be from something so mundane as _weight gain_.

“Yeah.” She rubbed her eyes and breathed a laugh. “That’s all it is. I’m gonna go shower, then stuff my face with lasagna. Can we watch the witch movie so Jessica will stop pestering me?”

I nodded, confused, and she smiled. Like our former conversation hadn’t just happened. While she showered, I picked up her Chemistry book and started reading, one half of my brain absorbing the information while the other gave a futile effort at understanding her. I didn’t think she was gaining weight, and it wouldn’t much bother me if she did. She ate healthier than most humans I’d been spending time with. Definitely better than Jacob.

But she was right. Even after a year, I still didn’t _get_ her. Not completely. I just wasn’t human, and that was more clear to me now than it had ever been.

***************************

“Close your eyes!” Alice crooned, dipping a paintbrush into the cooking pot full of homemade blood. I held my arms out to the sides and tilted my face away as she slung the paint over my nurse outfit. The skirt was tight and short, and the top showed off enough cleavage that even Renée would have been second guessing my choice. The shoes I would be squeezing into later would give me some height, at least, but for now I was barefoot in Alice’s bathtub as she splashed blood across my tits.

“How’s that?” She asked, stepping back. I looked down at the red streaks and nodded.

She took some time adding the dirt Jessica and I had cooked up with flour and instant coffee, smearing it into the white fabric artfully. Her eyes were almost black. I figured she hadn’t hunted on purpose, so the purple skin under her eyes would look more real for the costume.

“Emmett’s too excited,” Jasper drawled, leaning against the sink. “He won’t let me see what he’s wearing.”

“Well, I’m not telling,” Alice said. For now, the pink and white flowered shift dress hung off of her with an excess of fabric, but it would make sense once she put on the fake pregnant belly. Jasper’s sweater and slacks would, too, next to her. Guy and Rosemary Woodhouse. Her short hair was perfect for it, even if it was a surprisingly downplayed costume. She seemed much more preoccupied making mine and Angela’s look good. I knew she made Rosalie’s, too, but I hadn’t seen hers yet. She was in the guest room helping Emmett.

I wondered how she found time to do all of this, but maybe it was just her putting extra effort into not having one-on-one time with me. She’d waved off my apology, saying it didn’t matter, and I was right to be angry. But even that was strange. I’d expected her to milk it, just a little.

Other than that, they’d all been doing a good job of pretending nothing had happened, besides Emmett walking me home whenever Edythe couldn’t. They must be planning something, but I hadn’t asked, stuck between panic and forced calm. And now we were all dressing up, going to a party. _S__omeone_ should have been pointing out how bizarre it all was. But no one did.

“Alright,” Alice said, stepping up on the side of the tub to affix the nurses bonnet to my head. “All done. Do _not _touch anything in this apartment.”

I promised not to, then heard the front door open. “Is that Edythe?”

Jasper nodded. I stepped carefully onto the tile and nearly fell over as my ankle all but gave out. I managed to not cry out in pain, so Alice only rolled her eyes and blamed it on my clumsiness. I looked at Jasper, but he hadn’t noticed either. Good. I didn’t want to be fawned over all night because I hurt myself. I really needed to go find better work shoes.

Edythe stood by the door, beyond radiant. She was the main character from _Suspiria_, and it was absolutely perfect. Her hair hung loose over her shoulders, wavy and ethereal over a tan leotard, gray sweatpants, and ballet slippers.

“How do I look?” I asked, even though I could never come close to her. I struck an exaggerated pose to mimic the photos I’d seen. I never actually watched _Silent Hill, _but it was a pretty boob-centered outfit and Jessica said I had to work with my assets.

“Indecent.” She pulled me in by the waist, kissing me twice firmly. I sighed against her, my body wound up and needy after a week without sex. It was the longest we’d gone maybe ever, the one real indicator that everything was not okay.

I needed alcohol. And fast.

“Wait,” I said, trying to back away. “You’ll get blood on your clothes.”

“I don’t care.” But she let me go. We smiled at each other for a minute.

“Em’s ready for his big reveal,” Rosalie said cynically. I turned around and groaned.

“You look amazing.”

“Oh,” she smoothed down the fabric of her pink shorts, having the audacity to look a little flustered, like she didn’t already know. “Thanks.”

I looked at the matching bralette, and the ankle-length flowing cardigan. “Who are you?”

“I don’t know_._ It was Emmett’s idea.”

Of course it was. We waited patiently for Alice and Jasper to join us – she looked absolutely ridiculous with the big fake stomach, but that only made the costume more recognizable. Only then did wobbly ghost sounds begin to emanate from behind the guest room door.

Emmett ran out at me with his arms flailing, making the white sheet he had over his entire body billow. The cutout circles for his eyes were displaced to his nose and ear respectively, and he stopped to readjust before continuing the act. Jasper laughed in delight.

“Are you done?” Edythe asked, amused. He heaved a sigh at my lack of a reaction and nodded.

Alice knew the directions, and we crossed the bridge and got off the bus near campus. The location must have been even more secret than I was expecting, because we turned away from the familiar red brick buildings into the big, scary industrial area I’d only ever seen from afar. The cars and crowds of wide eyes – usually pointed at Rosalie – ebbed away until we were walking alone down a barely-lit street. The buildings were tall and faceless, packed so closely that every turn felt like an alleyway. It would have been terrifying in any other company.

“They might not let you in, Emmett.”

“Shut it, Jingle Bells. Good vibes only.”

I looked around, perturbed by the dead silence. “Alice, are you sure this is the right place – ?“

“Yes,” they all said in unison. I wondered what they could hear that I couldn’t.

“Hey!” A voice called – echoed – across the pavement. Jessica and one other person stood alone under a streetlamp that illuminated a metal door. We crossed the street, and she trotted over in heels much taller than mine. She’d been right about the costume – now that I’d seen the movie, it was remarkably spot on. Her eyes were done up with bright blue eyeshadow and thick winged eyeliner. A large ruby pendant hung around her neck, just above the start of the mesh robe.

“You found us!” She said, winding her arm through mine and taking us to the door. “You’re gonna have so much fun. It’s crazy in there.”

The guy standing by the door was some kind of bouncer, charged with checking that our costumes were up to par before letting us through. He was _big_, and the fact that I could think that with Emmett right there was a testament to his size.

His jaw went a little slack when he saw Rosalie, but when Emmett noticeably tensed under his sheet he seemed to come back to himself and opened the door.

“Silent Hill,” he fist bumped me. “Nice.”

He also complemented Alice and Edythe, but looked over Emmett’s sheet dubiously. Maybe it was the eerie glow of yellow irises from the eye holes that had him think better of whatever he was going to say. Jessica ushered us all inside, into a dark, derelict little hall with another door at the end. The walls shook and rumbled with a bass beat.

“Did they break in here?” Jasper’s voice echoed. Jessica gave him a coquettish look over her shoulder as she pulled the door open.

I drew close to Edythe as the noise washed over us. There was pounding music and almost nothing else. I couldn’t even hear my own _thoughts_ as I took in the large room.

If they did break and enter, they must have done it quite a while ago, because the decorations were extensive. Strobe lights hung from the rafters, casting the writhing bodies in sickly green, red, and ultraviolet spectrums. The vampires’ skin glowed bright white instead of dark in the black light, but no one noticed.

“I’m gonna go find Johnathan,” Jessica pretty much screamed in my ear, dancing off.

I took Edythe’s hand and pulled her after me as I followed the sashaying black robe around the outskirts of the crows. There had to be two hundred people, at least. The rest of our party slid right into the crush. Emmett was one of the tallest people in the room, so at least I wouldn’t lose him.

Edythe pulled me deftly out of the way as a group of drunk Disney princesses ran past.

“_Suspiria_!” Cinderella cried, giggling. Edythe waved. She looked like she was having fun. I’d worried some of the quiet sulkiness of the past week or so would follow us here, but it looked like I could get safely drunk without too much guilt.

Some of the sound dimmed as we followed Jess through a set of double doors. This room was bisected by a low metal shelving unit-turned-bar, like it was some sort of kitchen once. The odd stains and faded, vaguely repulsive smell indicated that a lot of food had been cooked in here at some point.

Jessica made for a tall black guy dressed like a pirate, who turned away from his friends to smile at us. She introduced him as Johnathon. He seemed nice enough - cuter than most of the guys she hung around, anyway. Edythe stood next to me while I waited for the bartender to notice us. There was a long line of people at the other end, so it would probably be a while.

“You’re hot,” I said decisively, surprising her.

“So are you.” She caught the bartender’s eye and gave him a half-smile before giving me her full attention. I was sure he’d come over here now. “Everyone thinks so.”

“Are you jealous?”

The bartender appeared just then, speaking to Edythe with the usual reverence any man did after she smiled at them. He was lean and muscled, with skeleton makeup that probably looked great in the other room, under the blacklight. She just told him to surprise her, and he rushed off without looking at me. I poked her stomach, running my fingers along the pale fabric. “_He_ doesn’t think so.”

“I’m sure he would…” she plucked the cup from his hands and let her smile drop. He scurried away, frightened. “Men have one track minds.”

She handed it over, and I took a sip. Pumpkin beer.

“But, to your question, yes. Very much so.”

“Why?” I asked, smiling.

“Because it’s one thing to know people are fantasizing about you, and quite another to see it firsthand.”

“I don’t really buy that they’d fantasize about me instead of you.”

She rolled her eyes. “They’re scared of me.”

“I’m not,” I sang, leaning up to kiss her chin. That got me a real smile. “C’mon. Let’s go find your family.”

I only saw a few people I recognized from campus. Everyone kept complimenting Emmett on his _Ghost Story _costume, until he exasperatedly complained that he had no idea what that was, and he was supposed to be a character from _Peanuts._

I broke away after a long while of dancing with Alice to look for Jessica, headed for the doors I thought led to the bar room. But I just found myself in a dark hall. The door clanged shut behind me with an ominous echo.

I took a few steps, leaning against the wall and taking a breath. It was cooler away from all the people, and I wiped some sweat from my forehead, wincing as pain shot up my forearm. Carrying trays was giving me early arthritis. One more drink would probably take care of it.

My stomach grumbled unhappily. I should have eaten a bigger lunch. But, because it was so empty, I was even more sure that the next drink would tip me over into drunk territory. Eager for that, I pushed off the wall.

This was a lot of fun, actually. I _definitely_ wasn’t thinking about all the shit I didn’t want to deal with. Not Victoria, or the fact that Edythe was definitely going to break up with me someday. No, I wasn’t thinking about it at all.

Just as my hand touched the door to push back through, there was a soft noise behind me. Just the suggestion of a footstep. I turned around toward the darkness, listening intently.

A perverse, alcohol-induced curiosity took hold. It was probably someone just hooking up, but I crept toward the bend in the hall quietly, squinting into the black.

Another footstep, behind me again, and then two hands locked around my arms and a voice whispered _boo_ in my ear.

I relaxed, laughing. “Edythe!”

She spun me around, walking us around the corner, farther from the doors and into the real darkness. I couldn’t even see her face. “You’re lucky it’s only me. Don’t you know what happens to people like you in horror movies?”

“How’d you know I was out – hey!”

She hefted me up by my ass, putting my back against the wall and pinning me there with her hips. I gasped, my body _very_ interested.

“I thought to myself; what’s the most trouble Bella could get herself into in an abandoned warehouse? And here you were.”

“I was just getting some air,” I said between kisses. Her hips shifted, making room for her hand to slip up my skirt. “What’s gotten into _you_?”

Her eyes flashed in the dim light. “I want you.”

I nodded, meeting her in a mess of lips and tongue. It had been too long. Her taste and scent multiplied the effects of the alcohol, and I was suddenly so intensely aroused that her fingers found me already wet and ready. Not that my arousal had ever been at issue, with her. We didn’t even _own _lube.

She pushed aside my underwear, working two fingers inside me with such a deft quickness that I felt like I was on a roller coaster. I moaned at the careful addition of a third, hoping against hope that the sheer number of people here would shield us against the other vampires and their super-hearing.

“You’re mine,” she said in my ear. It was low, and…angry? I tried to focus on that, noting the hard line of her shoulders. But her fingers weren’t as careful as usual, her thumb brushing my clit only every few pumps. It was driving me too insane – like I might pass out from over-stimulation. “Mine.”

I nodded helplessly. Edythe was actually, almost talking _dirty?_ And in English, too? I rolled my hips desperately, trying to gain some sort of friction against her hand. Her fingers went a little faster, making obscene, wet noises.

“Say it.”

“W – _ah _– what?”

“Say it,” she repeated. She licked up my neck, fingers moving too fast for my human brain to comprehend. My eyes rolled back in my head.

“I’m yours,” I gasped. She didn’t let up on the speed, but my clitoris finally got the attention it needed as she palmed me. “F-forever.”

“Forever?” She asked tightly. She _was_ mad, I knew. I just couldn’t make my brain put the pieces together. Her hand stilled, and I would have gotten on my knees to beg for more if I could.

“Yes. _Yes._ Please – “ I nodded fervently. The back of my head knocked into the wall as she started up again, mercifully bringing me to orgasm without trying to make me think too hard. It left me in a dizzy, shell-shocked state.

Light kisses brushed my lips as she tugged my underwear back into place and set me down on my feet. When I came back to myself, a question sat on my lips.

“Thank you,” she said before I could ask.

“What did_ I _do?” I giggled nervously. Without answering, she pulled me back down the hall and into the party. "Wait! I'm not done - "

"Later," she promised, one hand on my ass as she swept me onto the dance floor. I was probably blushing furiously, but none of the others seemed any the wiser as I glimpsed them scattered in the crowd. Or maybe they were good at hiding it.

I pressed myself close to Edythe as we danced, still a little shaken by what she had done. It wasn’t _like_ her to be so adventurous. Not sexually, anyway. I liked it. I wanted more, even if it was purely territorial. I’d dress this ridiculously every day if that was how she responded.

It was during a slow, breathy cover of a Britney Spears song that something happened. I frowned at the loss of her tongue on my neck, just about to ask for another trip to the hallway.

“What is it?”

“Someone’s about to put something in a girl’s drink. I’m gonna go put a stop to it.” She patted my arm, looking around warily. “Rose!”

Rosalie looked up, even though she was halfway across the room with Emmett. Edythe murmured something, and her perfect face went blank with determination. They walked off in search of the culprit, and I didn’t see Alice and Jasper anywhere, so I made for the bar, finding it on the first try this time.

It was more crowded now as groups took breaks from the dancing, and a mass of people in the corner were smoking cigarettes. I leaned against the bar and ordered another drink, looking around at all the costumes. Only one person looked back at me.

I turned away, embarrassed, but he was still looking when I glanced over. At least, I thought he was. He was wearing sunglasses, so it was hard to tell. The girl he’d been talking to waved her hand in front of his face to get his attention, clearly feeling ignored. I smirked when he turned his face back to her. My fingers tapped the bar impatiently.

“Hey.”

I looked up just in time to catch the girl stalking off. The guy – man, I realized – had slid over to stand next to me. A lit cigarette trailed smoke from between his fingers, the same hand he had wrapped around a cup.

“Can I help you?” I asked. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I got the distinct impression he was looking at my chest.

“You’re a nurse, right?” He took a drag, exhaling smoke into the already cloudy air. “Know CPR?”

I rolled my eyes as I took the drink the bartender slid me, but I didn’t walk away. Maybe Edythe would come find me and get jealous again. “That’s a shitty line. Try again.”

“Hm.” He wiped his nose, every line of his body indicating drunkenness. If the bar wasn’t there to support him, I thought he’d sink straight to the floor. “Maybe I’m not as charming as I thought.”

“_Interview With a Vampire_?” I asked, looking over his costume. He wore an open, flowy white shirt. The old-timey kind. His slacks were high-waisted, and his wavy black hair was long enough to evoke the image of young Brad Pitt. A young, possibly-Indian Brad, anway. “It’s not exactly indie. Wait! Are you from _What We do in the Shadows_?”

“Oh,” he realized. “You’re talking about movies.”

“Unless you dress like this all the time.”

He smiled, a dimple forming above dark stubble. His golden-brown skin and high cheek-bones suggested extreme handsomeness, but I couldn’t tell with the glasses. “I can be whatever you want me to be, babe.”

I groaned, shaking my head in disappointment. He relaxed further, if that was possible.

“You’re not here alone?” He asked in a hushed voice, like it would shock him if I was.

“Nope,” I said, popping my lips on the _p_. “I’m with my girlfriend.”

His smile faded. “I see.” He held out the cigarette. Only because I was mostly drunk, I decided to take it, letting it settle between my fingers but not taking a hit. Jake always looked cool holding a cigarette, but the smoke made my throat hurt. “I was really hoping that wasn’t the case.”

He talked like a grad student – kind of affected for no reason. Like being vaguely British made you more interesting.

“Even if I was single,” I sniffed, feeling bold. “You’re not really my type.”

“Funny.” He leaned in conspiratorially. “It seems like vampires are exactly your type.”

I stepped back, looking up at him, now. He wasn’t slumped over the counter anymore, nor did he appear drunk in the slightest. The cup he’d set down was totally full.

“I – I don’t know what you mean.” I couldn’t do flirty anymore. My voice broke.

There was a commotion by the doors. Edythe actually shoved some people out of the way, drunken complaints falling short at the look on her face. I knew, then, and my throat filled with fear. The guy didn’t react the way I thought he should have – surely there was about to be a fight. Memories of James and fire and screams made me cling to Edythe dizzily as she stepped between us.

He only watched, smiling wryly. “I was wondering when you’d show up.”

Edythe didn’t yell _or_ attack. She just sighed.

“Hey, Garrett.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to y'all who don't like indie horror.
> 
> Edythe is Susie Bannion from Suspiria (2018)  
Rosalie is Jay from It Follows (2016)  
And Angela doesn't like horror, but if she were there Jessica would have dressed her up as Laurie Strode


	5. Nomad

“It’s true, then,” he remarked as I put myself between him and Bella. _Relax, love, I was just making conversation._

Garrett. Garrett _here_, now. It was…unexpected. And of _course_ Alice hadn’t seen anything.

“How long have you been here?” I asked quickly, keeping a hold on Bella as she tried to peer over my shoulder.

“Not long. Caught your scents downtown and followed them here.” _Never guessed _you’d_ be at a party._

“Why sneak around, then?” My senses were alert, vibrating with panic. What else was I missing?

He raised his eyebrows. _Defensive, aren’t we? I wasn’t aware I _was_ sneaking. Besides, can you blame me for being curious about this one?_

“Edythe!” Bella hissed, pulling against my grip on her wrist. I held on, turning enough to pluck the cigarette from her fingers and stab it out in a cup of beer. “You _know_ him?”

“Yes,” I said over my shoulder. Then, to Garrett, “Curious? You’ve heard something.”

He started to look confused, tilting his head to the side. “Just a rumor.” _I was in Spain a few weeks ago. Saw Amun there, who heard it from Chelsea._

“Chelsea knows?” I whispered. “Impossible. Not even Demetri…unless they worked together?”

“I think that’s the general idea,” he said blithely. “I’m more surprised to learn that they were right.”

“About what?” I asked impatiently.

_A big shift in loyalty. They don’t know she’s human, I don’t think. That’s bought you some time._

Our words were almost too quick for Bella to keep up. “Who the hell is Chelsea? Who the hell is _he?"_

I was saved from answering by my family, who had finally caught on.

“Garrett!” Emmett cried in disbelief, meeting him in an aggressive embrace. Several onlookers turned at his loud call. “Now it’s a party!”

“How have you been?” Rosalie asked, hugging him. I sighed, waiting through the formalities. They genuinely liked Garrett, besides everything they felt they owed him. Only Alice and Jasper showed restraint, appropriately alarmed.

_Edythe…_she shook her head. _What is going on?_

“We don’t have time for this,” I pressed. Rosalie threw me a sour look. “How did you get in here?”

“That way,” Garrett said, nodding toward a door. I went, climbing the spiral staircase at speed. It wasn’t until Rosalie yelled my name that I realized I’d been dragging Bella along far too quickly behind me. I gathered her against my chest and took off, through the open window and onto the damp asphalt in a matter of seconds. It crunched beneath Bella’s feet as I set her down.

“I _hate it when you do that_,” she yelled indignantly, banging a soft fist against my shoulder. I held her at arm’s length, considering. Running wasn’t an option, thanks to Demetri. The bastard. We couldn’t fight them, either.

“Ed,” Rosalie said, exasperated as she pried Bella out of my grasp. “Christ, it’s just Garrett!”

“So?” Alice crossed her arms over the costume’s bulging stomach, looking at Garrett questioningly.

“Alice,” he said, lowering his glasses. Bella gasped. His red eyes moved to the false belly, then to Jasper. “Of _course_ I’ll be the godfather. When’s the little monster due?”

“Garrett.” Jasper looked to Bella, frowning. _How is she so calm? She doesn’t look calm._

“_Garrett_, what?” Garrett huffed, half-thinking it all a joke.

Bella gazed at him stormily, wrapped in Rosalie’s cardigan. We didn’t have much time before she started demanding answers.

“What is it?” Alice bit out. _Get to the fucking point, you hippie._ “Why are you here?”

He looked around, gazing at each of us and finding only solemnity. “Why…are you all playing dumb?”

The Volturi, Victoria, whatever was going on with Bella. It was too much to think through, think logically about.

_Edythe, _Jasper thought in alarm. _Something’s wrong – _

“I can’t see what you’re going to say, okay? My visions can’t be trusted,” Alice breathed, looking skyward at the tops of the buildings. “There’s a nomad running around messing with our powers.”

“Your _powers?”_ Garrett looked over sharply. “But you can hear my thoughts, yes?”

“I can _now.” _I felt shaken to my core. I knew Garret’s mind _very_ well. I should have heard him a mile off, and yet… “Fill him in. I’m taking Bella home.”

“Oh, man,” Emmett slung an arm over his shoulders. “So, you know how our lives are dramatic as hell?”

I had already picked Bella up again, springing with a bit of effort to the top of a streetlamp, then to a roof. Bella wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, gasping against my throat.

It didn’t make sense. Victoria had never messed with _my_ abilities before. Or had she? Would I even have known? Garret’s mind had been silent until I heard Bella talking to him with my own ears. It snapped into focus, then. His familiar, unworried thoughts. Sure, I had been preoccupied scaring the fraternity scum away from his prey, but it was _Garrett!_

I couldn’t even spend time worrying about it. Alice couldn’t see. We would have no warning when the Volturi decided to come. Even if they were trying to be courteous, they’d anticipate her visions. No point in contacting us first.

All Aro had to do was touch any of my family, or Tanya’s, and he’d know that Bella was human. I couldn’t hide it. I couldn’t hide _her._

“It’s okay,” I said into her hair, standing on the fire escape and pushing up the window. “We’re home.”

She pushed away from me as soon as I let her down in the bedroom, throwing the cardigan to the side. “_Why _did you do that?!”

I had no answer, except that I was very afraid. “I don’t know. I needed…”

“_What?”_ She said, taking an angry step closer, actually _pushing_ at my chest. It was aggressive, coming from her. “Goddammit, Edythe! _Who was that?_ You treated him like…”

She trailed off, staring at my mouth. It was all the warning I got; her brow furrowed, then she threw herself at me. I stayed stock-still, eyes wide as she kissed my unmoving mouth desperately.

“What are you – ?!”

“Please,” she nearly sobbed, pulling at the drawstring of my sweatpants. “If you won’t talk, then just – just – “

“Bella.” I pulled her hands away, holding them in mine. Her eyes were bright with emotion, but where had the anger gone? “What is this? Why are you doing this?”

“Don’t you want me?” She whispered. “I want you. All the time. And sometimes it feels like – like – “

She shook her head, fighting my grip. Abruptly, terror struck and I didn’t know what would happen if I didn’t kiss her back. So I did. Did she know? Could she sense that we were running out of time? Perhaps that’s why I couldn’t fight my panic. Her desire was mine, the earlier need to feel each other filling all the space between us with heat. And it felt like there was a lot of space, recently.

Her breasts broke free from the ridiculous shirt with the slightest provocation. I ripped the skirt off, too, lowering her to the floor and licking a stripe up her heaving chest. She tore the leotard I wore – actually tore it, with her human strength. That shocked me for nearly an entire second, then I ripped the rest of it away, and it was just our skin. I must have been freezing, but she only pressed herself closer. Sweat and fake blood rubbed into my skin, my chest, my arms – anywhere we touched.

It overwhelmed me. Fighting every instinct, I slowed myself. Control was an elusive thing that skidded just out of reach. Bella’s gasping and reaching only became more frantic, like she was doing her best to chase it away.

“Bella,” I pleaded. My tongue had just dissolved the last of the makeup on her neck. A thin film of color that had been hiding the last of Victoria’s bruising. The thought of adding another through this thoughtlessness was too much.

“It’s been so long,” she said breathily, heedless of my distraction. “Will you fuck me?”

The heat was so present, so _real_. It burned worse than any thirst. Being with her, touching her until she was boneless and sated and moaning my name. It was more satisfying than any blood. And when she touched _me…_I felt human. I felt weak and vulnerable and wanting. And that was when she was in the most danger. My love could kill her

“I – I can’t. Not right now.”

I glanced up to the nightstand. We didn’t use that _thing_ often, but she very much liked it. She liked what little I could do with it, anyway. I rarely felt I had the control necessary.

She sighed sharply, pulling our faces together as roughly as I allowed. Her heels made a grating sound against my lower back. “Then I’ll wear it.”

I gasped against her mouth. She’d never suggested _that._ My first thought was that it wouldn’t work. The next was a very sharp need to _try_.

“_No,_” I grit out, with some effort. “This isn’t right.”

Her body stilled, hand dropping from my breast. “Not right.”

“You’re drunk,” I tried. Her nostrils flared. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

“_Get off of me,_ then,” she snapped. Automatically, I did. She refused my hand, kicking the shoes off before standing up on her own.

I didn’t follow her to the bathroom. I didn’t _want_ to. The words had been knocked right out of me.

When she was done showering, I was still just standing there. Without a word or even a glance to me she climbed into bed and turned her face to the wall. Panic welled behind my chest. Panic at the unknown. Panic at the way she’d just spoken to me. _Looked_ at me. 

“Bella?” I walked forward slowly. “What did I say?”

She ignored me. Her heart was still racing. Was she angry? For several seconds, I just stared at the back of her head. If only I could cry. Maybe that simple display would pull some mercy from her, as it always did from me. She never needed words in the same way I did. Emotions bled out of her; tears, flushed anger, gasping lust. I was just…stone. My pain stayed firmly inside.

I snatched clothes from the dresser and took my own shower, scrubbing furiously at my hair. I heard when Garrett approached, following our scents curiously. He wisely hopped up to the guest room window instead of the bedroom. I let him peruse my things for a while. Bella, somehow, was asleep already.

They warned him not to come over here. I wished he had listened.

_Stuck with the piano, hm? _He thought, setting his fingers to the keyboard. The tune was entirely too happy. _I remember telling you that flute would be the instrument of the twenty first century. Thank God you didn’t listen._

I exhaled, shutting the water off and getting dressed. He waited just outside the bathroom door, pulling me into a tight hug. “It’s been a while, killer.”

“Garrett,” I sighed, squeezing his arms. “Thirty years?”

“My, we’re getting old.” He reached around to twist some water out of my hair. I wrinkled my nose at the smell of cigarettes. _And you aren’t very happy to see me._

I glanced to the bedroom door. Her breathing remained deep and even. “I’m more worried about what it means.”

Garrett released my hair, stroking over my temples before stepping back. “She’s feisty. I half-thought she’d throw that drink in my face.”

I glowered, remembering their conversation. “She should have.”

“So it’s quite serious, eh? They said her name is _Bella._”

“Yes.” I turned the thermostat up a few degrees. “Bella.”

He laughed quietly. _Don’t look at me like that. You know I don’t go for the innocents. _“Besides – it couldn’t have been any clearer she was _yours_.”_ She was practically dripping with your pheromones. _

I might have blushed at that, if I could. But he’d also noticed the bruises. “I didn’t do that,” I snapped. “It was the nomad.”

_Right. The nomad. _I saw that my family had told him everything about Victoria and James, carefully omitting the existence of the Quileute wolf pack. _Quite the pickle._

“You haven’t seen her?”

“Haven’t seen anyone since Montana.”

I went to the kitchen, pulling a few dishes from the sink and placing them in the dishwasher. He leaned against the fridge, watching me with evident concern. 

_And I thought _Carlisle_ had domesticated you._

My human home was a novelty to him. Bella, too. I shut the dishwasher with enough force to shake the countertops, but it didn’t sound like anything important had come loose. It started up with a groan of rushing water through pipes. Someone a few floors down played distractingly loud television.

“Yes, I'm unsettled," I said in response to his judge mental thoughts. “I thought it was just Alice she was affecting. But now it’s _me._” I shook my head at his mocking thoughts. “It’s not _pride_, Gar. It’s her. I can’t – “

I stopped myself. I couldn't protect Bella like this. Not while I was crippled by a vampire with all the motive in the world to kill her.

Garrett watched me with chagrin. I almost regretted rushing through our reunion. “Thirty years,” I said. “Have you been alone all this time?”

He raised an eyebrow. _What other way is there?_

“Yeah,” I sighed, looking down. I used to think the same. “How has it been?”

“You mean since Toronto?” He smirked at the memory. _Same old, I suppose. Did you notice Winnipeg dropped off the list of crime capitals? You’re welcome, Canada._

“Canada? Did you ever get to Alaska?”

“No.” He looked through our cabinets with matching parts curiosity and disdain. He knew Eleazor’s coven lived in Denali. “I’m not interested in rehab.” _People still eat canned beans? _

“Well, you can’t hunt here.”

“I _know_ that, mother.” Experimentally, he tried popping the tab on a can. With an explosive _pop_, the lid flew into a cabinet and beans trickled through his fingers, the crumpled metal falling to the floor. Wide red eyes blinked at me. _Oops._

“Where was your last?” I asked, handing him a roll of paper towels. I was surprised it hadn’t woken Bella up. 

Garrett made a disgruntled sound and squatted to start wiping up the mess. “Some guy in…let’s see…Leavenworth?” _Or something equally depressing. Beat the shit out of his girlfriend. I got him as he was driving to the gas station for cigarettes. He tasted like one._

“Not that I mind,” he added, patting the pack currently in his pocket. He threw the soiled paper towels into the bin, shouldering past me to wash his hands in the sink. “What? I left a few hundred in her mailbox.”

“Money that you _stole_.”

He laughed, dragging wet hands over his shirt. “So _ethical_, now. What else did you have to change to be with her?” He leaned down to my eye-level, gasping. “She _does_ know you’re a creature of the night?”

“She knows everything,” I grit out. He straightened with a frown.

_She doesn’t know about me._

“No.” I turned away, hiding my face.

_Or the Volturi._

I shook my head. She knew about…that part of my life. The spare details. The darkness. But not specifically Garrett. Or the Volturi.

_You edited,_ he guessed, opening the fridge. _Are you going to tell her?_

“Yes.” There was no other option. “I have to.”

“Do you?” He walked into my line of sight. “Do think they’ll come so quickly?”

“With my luck.” With the way the past year had gone. Yes, absolutely. They'd be on my doorstep tomorrow.

“You’re terrified,” he realized, somewhat surprised. _Why? All you have to do is turn her. Even if she’s human, they wouldn’t – _

“I can’t know that. Even…Even if I believed it, the last thing I want is another reason for Aro to take an interest in us. And what were Chelsea and Dimitri even looking for?” Not that it mattered. Whatever it could be, this would be better for them.

“Interest?” He raised an eyebrow.

How to explain… “When I met them,” only the once, so long ago. “Aro _noticed_ me. I saw his thoughts, his...plans. And the people he notices usually end up in black robes. If you catch my drift.”

He nodded seriously. _That’s true. But Carlisle – _

“Yes. Because of Carlisle, he didn’t say anything. But I’m not stupid enough to believe he’d forget. If he were to meet Alice…” Alice would be the tipping point. Aro's plans might be put into action.

Garrett thought it over for a moment. I couldn’t blame him for not understanding – he didn’t have the full picture. He didn’t know how many of the mysterious coven collapses over the centuries had been orchestrated so Aro could add one more to his ranks.

“Well,” he said, forcing a positive tone. “First things first – you need to find this nomad.”

“Hadn’t thought of it.” I rolled my eyes. “She’s tricky. Hard to track down.”

I’d only seen her mind once. James’ obsession with Bella had vastly overpowered my attention, and now I was kicking myself for it. Garrett didn’t know about the wolves, but even with their help we hadn’t caught her.

“Maybe not,” he said. “I could hang around on the outskirts a bit, try and find her. I hear the bottom of the Sound is beautiful this time of year.”

It was a nice thought. “She probably already knows you’re with us. We're being watched by her, too.” If only we knew another tracker – one that would help. Alastair was too skittish. He wouldn’t even come to the continent if he heard the Volturi were involved. 

Garrett tilted his head to the side, trying to think of something helpful. Like our situation wasn’t perpetually without hope.

“Sorry,” Bella breathed. Garrett made a noise of delight.

“Ignore that,” I said, swallowing. “She talks in her sleep.”

“How quaint,” he murmured. His mind was warm and surprised, more at me than her. _Can I meet her? Properly, this time?_

My thoughts stuck on her outburst before, bringing the dread back to the forefront of my mind. Bella meeting Garrett had never occurred to me. It was going to raise a lot of questions I didn't want to answer.

He drifted in behind me as I sat in the spare room, drawing the keyboard into my lap. I was ashamed. Ashamed that my fear rested more heavily on what Bella could do to me than what could happen to her _because_ of me.

“You should stay,” I found myself saying. “For a little while.”

I had missed him. The circumstances weren’t ideal, but, unlike Bella, he was predictable. I knew where I stood with Garrett. One more body on our side could only help.

He smiled brightly. _I think I will._

_________________________

I woke up with a vampire suctioned to my back. She hadn’t been asleep, but her movements took on the slow ebb and flow of morning, like she was waking up with me. A cold leg slid up mine. Her nose pushed into my hair. That sweetness was in the air, and I shuffled to my other side sleepily, nuzzling her collarbone in search of more.

“Good morning.”

“Morning,” she whispered back. I almost fell back asleep, but her silence tipped me off. Edythe being there when I woke usually meant she had a purpose. Normally it was to ask what I wanted to do that day, if we were both free. Or if I was too tired of eggs, and did I want her to make something different?

I’d gradually narrowed the breakfast in bed thing to Sundays only. Her cooking had improved a _lot_ since she met me.

“What’s up?” I yawned into her skin, leaning back when she didn't answer. Her eyebrows were pulled together in confusion. “Hm?”

“Are you feeling all right?”

I frowned back at her. Then I remembered. It was the worst kind of morning. The kind where so much had happened the night before that it all hit me like a ton of bricks.

“Where’s my phone?”

“I don’t know.” Her face twisted in further befuddlement. “You didn’t take it last night.”

I threw the covers back, looking around wildly and finally finding it fallen between the bed and the table. I fished it out on my knees.

Only fifteen missed calls from Jessica. Only…_thirty_ texts.

_I’m fine, _I sent her quickly, dreading the talking-to I was bound to get later_, I got too drunk. Edythe brought me home to throw up a bunch. I’m fine._

My drinking tolerance made that lie believable. I didn’t even feel hungover. At least it was too early for her to respond. I set the phone down and sighed, running my hands through my tangled, still-damp hair before standing up. Time for the real damage control.

“I’m sorry,” I sighed quickly. Edythe started at me. “Last night, I – I guess I was way more drunk than I realized.”

Thinking about it hurt. Oh, God, I’d _yelled _at her.

“Drunk.” She sat up, the sheets falling to her waist. So beautiful. The part of my chest that had shattered last Monday started to ache. “That wasn’t _drunk_. Bella.”

I was sure my fear showed on my face. Couldn’t she just let this go?

She couldn’t. “Whatever it is, my love.” Her shoulders tensed as she leaned forward. “We can work through it.”

“W-What do you mean?” My tongue felt heavy. It wasn’t fair that she could make me feel so _guilty. _'My love' - pretty words that made my stomach churn.

Amber eyes searched my face. “I think… Forgive me, but I think you know exactly what I mean.”

“Say it, then.”

Edythe startled me by appearing inches from my chest, crowding me backwards until my thighs hit the wood of my desk. “Wha – ?”

She kissed me, her mouth firm and unyielding, for two long seconds. I waited, eyes open, for her to pull back. When she did, her face was so pained and drawn I couldn’t even muster a response. That expression scared me as much as it had a year ago.

“What have I done?” She whispered, cradling my cheeks. “What did I do to make you feel like you can’t talk to me?”

She was doing it. Dazzling me. I couldn’t look away from her eyes. “Nothing.”

“Bella.” She moved impossibly closer, pressing our bodies together. “Please.”

I hadn’t even brushed my teeth yet. “I’m _fine_, Edythe. Everything is _fine_!”

Even I could hear the hysterical note to my voice. She clenched her jaw.

“Listen.” I wrapped my arms around her waist, pouring every ounce of my truth into my words. “I don’t know what happened last night. I know it was…weird.”

It was like looking through smudged glasses. My state of mind was clearer now, whatever the difference was. A good night's sleep, maybe. And since when had fighting with her made me horny, anyway? “Everything just freaked me out a little. Okay?”

I didn’t think I had managed it, but after a moment she nodded, her eyes no less hurt.

“So.” I set my shoulders and accepted that this wasn’t going to be a lazy Sunday. “Who is he?”

The stranger. The vampire with _red eyes_ that everyone had treated like an old college buddy. Aside from Edythe dragging me like dead weight up those stairs, that had been the most jarring thing _ever._ The Cullens had yellow eyes - that's what made them the _good guys_. It had seemed a clear enough rule, before. Now I was confused, and angry, and sick of being treated like a fragile little bird that had to be whisked away anytime anything interesting happened.

Edythe didn’t answer right away, eyes tracking my face. I knew that look. But she couldn’t read my mind. She _couldn’t._

“They’re waiting for us.” When she stepped away from my touch, it felt final. My anger subsided at the distance. Suddenly, I was fighting the urge to follow after her and beg for forgiveness. "There's a lot you need to hear."

I stayed silent, grappling with it. No wonder she was so freaked out. Even _I_ didn't understand what was going on with me. If I could just hold her for a few more minutes, neither of us asking any questions, then maybe it would be okay.

I just wasn't strong enough. I couldn't hold Edythe to anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist update:
> 
> Apocalypse - Cigarettes after Sex  
Space Song - Beach House  
White Knuckles - OK Go  
I'm not in love - Kelsey Lu  
New Slang - The Shins  
Southern Nights - Whitney  
oh baby - LCD Soundsystem  
Slow Life - Grizzly Bear  
Gronlandic Edit - of Montreal  
Cutty Love - Milo Greene  
Two Weeks - Grizzle Bear  
Last Nite - The Strokes  
THE BRICK - Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross  
Violence - Grimes, i_o  
The Bug Collector - Haley Heynderickx  
Tiny Star - Blasting Company  
Lalala - Y2K, bbno$  
Sing - Travis  
Greenleaf - Generationals  
The night we met - Lord Huron, Phoebe Bridgers  
From now on - The Features  
Speak Up - POP ETC  
Unmade - Thom York  
GOOD - Erin McCarley  
Goodbye Horses - Q Lazzarus  
Another Life - Jadu Heart  
Falling in Loves too Mean - Hether  
Andromeda - Weyes Blood  
Caffeine - Lolo Zouai  
Cannons - Youth Lagoon  
Disparate Youth - Santigold
> 
> Sorry, I know that was massive. The big mood this chapter was oh, baby by LCD Soundsystem and Disparate Youth. Hope ya like!


	6. Speak Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning, for, um, some very mature, possibly grody non-vegan things and also fairly explicit sexual things.

Bella didn’t like him. Not at all. To his credit, Garrett was actually _trying_, which was nearly as hilarious as his frustration at not winning her favor. As hilarious as anything could be right now, anyway.

Outwardly, Bella was understandably stressed about the existence of the Volturi, and the possibility that they would come looking for her. It wasn’t my idea to tell her today. I understood the necessity of it, perhaps, but it was Alice that was pushing. So I let her do the talking.

She sat half in my lap, leaning away for proprieties sake but trapped in the circle of my arms. I couldn’t let go. My forehead rested against her shoulder blade, thoughts focusing on the thudding of her heart.

“_Why_ did no one ever mention this before?” She asked hotly, heel digging into my shin. I didn’t hear Rosalie’s answer about how only Carlisle actually kept in contact with them, or Emmett’s ill-timed joke about absences and hearts growing fond.

_I don’t think she’s going to run away,_ Garrett thought. He lounged near the window, a rare beam of sun scattering over his face. _You can relax._

“She might,” I whispered back, just as Bella said, “She can sense _relationships?_ That’s a power?”

It wasn’t about sex. I knew that much. Yet a bitter, regretful part of my mind wondered if I had done the wrong thing the night before. If only I’d given her what she’d asked for...

But that was the problem. Bella liked to test my limits. Whatever thrill it gave her when I left bruises and friction marks behind in our lovemaking wasn’t enough to justify the guilt_ I_ was left with. It was one small and surprisingly significant way we weren’t compatible.

Victoria, I reminded myself. That was the more prescient issue. This had started with her. Bella was hiding something, and begging wouldn’t get it out in the open, which only left two options: Victoria said something to scare her, specifically about me, or she said something that Bella was afraid of my reaction to. And because her mind was the only one safe from me, she couldn’t talk to anyone else about it.

Except that was no longer the case. I had to assume that Victoria could block my powers. A shield or something similar. Which made her the only one Bella could conceivably seek out to keep a secret.

Which made it impossible for me to let her out of my sight…which would only make her angrier. A hopeless, endless spiral.

I would go out that night, I decided. Me and Garrett. Victoria couldn’t be far. All we needed was a hint of a trail, and it hadn’t rained in nearly fifteen hours. There had to be something, mind reading or not.

“But it’s _not_ going to happen,” Alice said, mentally kicking me for my lapsed attention. “Because the Volturi don’t do anything by halves – which means they’ll plan any trip at _least_ a decade in advance.”

_You don’t _know_ that, _I wanted to say. I also wanted to point out how her and Jasper in particular were screwed if they did come. A touch to Jasper would put his history with the newborns in unwelcome light – connections to our family that the Volturi really wouldn’t like. And the prospect of having to promise to turn Bella would be viewed as an equally unwelcome expansion of our autonomy…It would be so easy to draw the right lines. The Cullen coven undermining the laws would quickly become the Cullen coven plotting a revolt.

“Why do they care?” Bella asked, going shrill. “Why – I mean, why does any of this _matter_ to them?”

The room went pointedly quiet, thoughts turning to me. Utterly absurd. This wasn’t _my_ fault! How did one broach such a topic? _Because you’re human and not allowed to know about these things, Bella. Because they’ll want to get acquainted with the new Cullen vampire, once I’ve turned you._ We had never talked about this. I assumed…I assumed things from that silence. Things I didn’t need confirmed.

“I don’t know,” I breathed, loud enough for her to hear. No one was unwise enough to let their frustration with me show, but it was there.

_Pants on fire, _Garrett taunted, as Alice just sort of mentally shrieked at me. _Is sleeping with humans _really _that satisfying? I’m sure she’ll be just as alluring after, if a bit colder._

“Carlisle and Aro were close,” Jasper said instead. A half-truth. I shot him a grateful look over Bella’s shoulder. “Any change is interesting.”

Carlisle was worried, of course, but shared Alice’s conviction that nothing would come of this within the decade. Reaching out, putting out feelers, would only draw more attention, so we were _sitting blind_ until Victoria was killed.

“Oh,” Bella said, going horrifically silent. Alice only allowed that for about eight seconds.

“Let’s go out tonight,” she said cheerfully. I growled low in annoyance. _Oh, come on. You know you’ll never find her. I think Bella needs you._ “I think there’s a light show at the Chihuly Garden!”

“Read the room, Alice,” Garrett drawled, drawing her ire. “What we need is a visit to a therapist.” _No matter how careful you are, Edythe, you will get caught. Lies and secrets are no fun. Lies and secrets _hurt_ someone._

“I have to go to work,” Bella said, faintly. “I – I took Jessica’s shift.”

“I’ll go with you,” I said. Her hand moved gently over mine where it was attached to her hip. “I’ll try and get some work done.”

“Me too!” Garrett offered.

“No.”

At Bella’s flat refusal, he slumped back against the wall with a massive sigh. She squirmed until I let her up, sweeping her hair back from her face and holding her hand out for me to take with a smile too wide to be genuine.

“You know,” she said, after I had grabbed my things from the apartment and we were on the bus. “It’s really hard to tell if you’re overreacting. I – I mean, usually it’s easy to see, but...but everyone else is scared, too. Aren’t they?”

I nodded.

“You’ve met them,” she stated. “The Vol – Val – “

“Volturi,” I intoned. “Yes.” Alice had made sure to mention it – anything to force me into this conversation.

“What were they like?” She asked, velvet lips framing her perverse interest.

“Awful,” I summarized, turning away from her to gaze through the window. “You will never meet them.”

*******************

Keeping my hands busy seemed like the only way to save off impatient, churning emotions I didn’t have time for. It may have been the most productive day of work any barista _ever_ had – I cleaned, blended, mixed, ground, and managed a mid-rush spot sweep, all without looking at Edythe. She sat far back from the windows, where intermittent sun glittered over the wet sidewalk. Earphones sat heavy over her ears, but I knew she could hear every voice in the establishment. Every heartbeat.

Jessica wasn’t there to question me, thankfully too distracted by her new Alpha-kappa-whatever boy she’d passed off this shift to hang out with. I tried to be as helpful as possible, even taking Edythe an empty cup for appearance's sake.

“Thank you,” she said, sliding her headphones to her neck. Her notebook was filled with complex musical notes and lines I didn’t understand. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I said, wiping my hands on my apron. “I think so.”

Her smile shrank as I hesitated, then sat next to her on the booth side of the table. It was slow, and my manager had just stepped out to the bank. I let myself lean in, ignoring how sweaty I must smell and focusing on Edythe’s breath. Sweet and dizzying. She tensed at my movement, drawing back as though she already knew what I was going to say.

“What will happen? If they do come?” I whispered.

Tawny eyes moved to my mouth, then back to my eyes, wary. “What?”

“Say it is a decade,” I tested. “Or more. When they come, what happens? Will they kill me?”

“No,” she said, but I shook my head. She was saying no to the idea, not to the truth of it. _Just say it, _I thought desperately. _Say what everyone else won’t, for some reason._ “We won’t let anything happen to you, Bella.”

“And what about Jacob?” I asked. If the Volturi really hated ‘shapeshifters’, then surely they’d be in danger. The one in charge could hear_ every thought_ anyone ever had. There was no keeping secrets from them. “Would you protect him, too?”

“Jacob can protect himself,” she said, reaching to touch my lower back like she wanted to pull me closer. “But we would. If it came to that.”

“I know,” I breathed. It was just good to hear her say it. “And you know you should have told me all of this last year. If I knew _that_ was why you tried to keep the wolves from getting involved with James, then – “

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, leaning closer so every word brushed against my cheek. “Bella, I’m so so – “

“I don’t _want_ you to apologize.” I sat back as much as I could, hating that she looked so _hurt_ by that. “That’s not the point.”

Slowly, she pulled her hand back, looking stiffly down at her notebook. “Stephanie is around the corner.”

My manager. I huffed and stood, making sure I was busy by the time Steph returned. Edythe pulled her headphones back up, but her hand no longer moved the pencil across the page. So I’d gotten to her, then. Good.

Rosalie said the Volturi had rules. Rules that were strictly enforced. No mass killing – that was a big one, she said. But even when I asked, no one got around to talking about the other ones. But I _knew_, bone-deep.

The Volturi didn’t know I was human. Alice pointed that out rather clearly, and I’d felt Edythe’s arms tighten around me. One of the rules, then, must hinge on that for it to be so important. If they got here and found Edythe dating a _human_, things wouldn’t go well. And she was going to do everything in her power to keep me away from them.

It wasn’t a difficult line to draw. She would put everyone in danger before turning me into a vampire. She didn’t want to keep me.

I managed an hour before looking over there again. Alice was sitting across from Edythe. I hadn’t even seen her come in. She wore one of her ridiculous dresses, a six inch black heel dangling from her foot where her leg crossed over her knee. And they were arguing. A quiet, nearly wordless exchange that had Edythe all clenched and scowling.

As I watched, she rolled her eyes and stiffly packed her things, leaving without a word to me. Alice sat there until my shift ended, hanging up a call as I walked over.

“What is it?” Edythe leaving me, even with Alice, was surprising.

“Nothing,” she sighed, slinging a purse over her shoulder. “She’s with Garrett.”

“Why?” I asked shrewdly. I didn’t like the guy, and for her to be with him _now _really sucked, but I didn’t let myself dwell on it.

“They’re looking for Victoria,” Alice mock-whispered, rolling her eyes like it was a ridiculous idea. “Waste. Of. Time.”

She surprised me by hailing a taxi instead of opting for public transit. “You were arguing,” I pointed out, sliding into the seat next to her.

“Ninth and Spring,” she told the driver before sitting back. Her address. “Are you surprised she’s being stubborn? You know better than that.”

We went to her apartment. Jasper was out with Emmett and Rose, she said. I didn’t ask what they were doing, or what Edythe had threatened her with to keep her so quiet and thoughtful.

I laid sideways on her and Jasper’s bed, watching her make her own lace on the floor. For people who didn’t sleep, they’d definitely done some research to get the most expensive, comfortable mattress available. I’d slept here a few times when Edythe was back home hunting, and it was always beyond restful. Until now.

“Alice.” I’d been watching her spin forty different lines of thread for over ten minutes, in a stupor.

“Yeah?”

“How long have you and Jasper been together?”

“Ninety-one years,” she said without hesitation. I let my eyes slide shut while I did the math. A long time for a human to live, much less be _married_. “Since 1928?”

She nodded, focused on her pattern.

“Do you ever fight?”

“Um…sometimes,” she shrugged. “Nothing serious.”

“Did you…” I swallowed. “Did you date?”

It came out awkwardly. Alice’s blurring hands came to a standstill. “Date?”

“Yeah. When did you start to like each other?” I knew the basics, I thought. Jasper had been a part of some huge political upheaval in Mexico, at the hands of the still-unnamed woman who had turned him. I knew enough to tell their relationship wasn’t exactly platonic. It made Alice uncharacteristically angry whenever it came up.

She deliberated, turning her head side to side. “I guess…I already knew it was gonna, y’know, _happen_. We just sort of…fell into it.”

“You’ve never come close to breaking up?”

Her hands, which had picked up speed, stilled yet again. She was more alert when she looked up. I wondered if she could see where this was going. “No. I don’t think so.”

“What about Carlisle and Esme?”

She shook her head slowly, eyes narrowing almost imperceptibly. I had started to pride myself on learning the micro expressions of vampires – this one meant I was onto something, and she didn’t like it.

“Carlisle’s pretty old. Does he have, like, a bunch of exes running around somewhere?”

“He’s not really the type,” she giggled. I laughed too.

“What about Edythe?”

Something flashed over her face, like a ripple over water. Her smile only faltered for a half-second. A year ago, I definitely would have missed it: uncertainty. “No, Edythe never dated anyone. Especially not Garrett, if that’s where you’re headed.”

“No, it’s not.” She was mirroring my language, now. I’d never once heard any of the Cullens refer to their partnerships as ‘dating’. Or even referenced an interval period before just…being together. I was curious. Victoria said she faced an ‘eternity alone’. The choice of words was what chilled me. Like she would never…move on. But vampires, who had nothing _but_ time, must go through lots of partners. It was what we humans did in our short lives.

“What do you think she’ll do when I die?”

“That’s _morbid_,” Alice said after a pause, still feigning levity. Her smile looked forced, and she didn’t meet my eyes.

“You’re right,” I allowed. She didn’t relax. “But I’ll get older.”

Her mouth opened soundlessly, then shut. “So?”

“Edythe won’t. She won’t want to _date_ a middle-aged woman.”

It was tense between us, now. I was asking questions Alice didn’t want to answer. She looked back down at the strings, winding them at a normal pace. Thoughtful. “You need to talk about this with her.”

So we weren’t pretending anymore. “Have _you_ talked about it with her?”

“It – it’s not my place,” she said, voice tight. I snorted.

“What do you see? In the future?”

I’d never asked her this. Not for this answer. I’d just wanted to live in the moment all this time, and not worry about what would happen. I’d been so _happy._ Even when Jacob brought it up, I’d dismissed him.

Alice didn’t answer.

“Will you come to my funeral?” The image of the Cullens at the back of a church, black veils drawn over their perfect faces was almost too sad to bear. Edythe, looking down at my casket with impersonal grief, long tired of my lined face and gray hair. Something hot slid down to the pillow. A tear I didn’t even realize was building up.

Alice looked away, expression guarded. “It’s not my place,” she said again, somberly. “Bella…”

“It’s okay,” I said, wiping my eyes. “We don’t have to talk about it.” She’d said enough.

“Just ask her, Bella.” Alice was at my side, stroking my hair back with feather-light touches. “I promise you’ll feel better if you…”

She stopped with a frown. Her cold hand wrapped around my wrist, holding it up so I could see my own trembling fingers. I pulled away, curling a fist into my chest.

“Are you cold?” She asked, making to pull the blankets out from under me. I shook my head and sat up.

“I’m just hungry. Haven’t eaten today.”

“Oh.” She bit her lip, clearly not knowing what to do with me. “I can bring you something.”

“No,” I stood up, feeling her gaze swipe all around my body, looking for anything else out of place. A dull thump echoed in my chest where there would normally be indignation. “I have food at home.”

“Okay,” she said simply, picking up her coat where it was strewn across the foot of the bed.

*****************

After a deeply unsatisfying PB&J, I fell asleep on the couch. My unfinished Chemistry assignment blinked judgmentally from my computer, unanswered texts from Angela and Jessica waited on my phone, and Alice was gone.

It wasn’t quite dark when I woke up. Gray afternoon light shone into both the bedroom and guest room when I checked. Nothing. Some faint awareness flashed in alarm, but more pressing was the pain in my gut. I pressed a hand to it, feeling and hearing the angry grumble that marked an empty stomach. Not just hunger, though – pain.

And a matching pain, in my head. Not quite a migraine but capable of becoming one, if I didn’t do something. The sandwich earlier hadn’t had time to digest. Why was I starving?

I poured a glass of water and opened the fridge, forcing down two big gulps. Water might stave off the headache, but my stomach would not be distracted. The salad in the crisper was starting to wilt. I was out of dressing, though, and the thought of eating dry leaves was laughable. There were other options, but, really, my mind was made up the moment I opened the door.

Angus Beef. 90% lean, 10% fat ground sirloin. I hadn’t bought it – red meat wasn’t my thing. But Edythe must have overheard Jess and I talking about making burgers…maybe we’d even made plans to hang out that I couldn’t remember. My phone was too far away to check if that was the subject of her texts, and I honestly didn’t care.

Far, far away, the sound of breaking glass registered. Like a dream, I picked up the little foam tray and popped the plastic covering with my thumbnail. It slid open easily after that, and the _smell…_

My fingers dug into the corner, ripped out a chunk, and brought it to my mouth without any consent from my brain. Distantly, I thought of how disgusting the texture was. _Should have been._ Squishy, wet. It broke apart too easily under my tongue, squelched between my teeth as I chewed. My stomach turned and twisted, but not in a way that made me stop.

More chewing. Swallowing. I dug for more, and all the while heat ran down my cheeks. Feverish, my hands shaking so hard I almost dropped it, I tilted the plate up against my lips, letting the cold, pink liquid that pooled at the bottom drip over my tongue.

I sobbed once. It tasted _good._

There was another, far off sound that I took note of only because it didn’t come from me. An intake of breath. I looked up, feeling tears, and maybe more, dripping from my chin. The tray slid through my hands and fell with a _splat_. My stomach screamed at me to pick it up, but every muscle froze as I met Jasper’s shocked gaze.

*******************

“Fuck, fuck, _fuck,_” I panted. “Not so fast. I’m gonna – “

Paul leaned forward across my back, pressing a hand against my mouth so he could ignore me. The bed creaked dangerously underneath us as he pounded into me; two more times and everything went painfully white. I buried my face into his pillow to muffle whatever noises his hand couldn’t. He was still going when I came out of the post-orgasm haze, not caring at all that I was way too sensitive.

We both groaned as he came, digging his nails into my hips hard enough to break the skin.

The cold of the room felt good against my back as he pulled away, and then pulled out of me. I slumped forward into my own jizz, pulling the pillow against my nose. His scent made my werewolf-brain happy.

There was a rubbery snap as he pulled the condom off. A disgustingly wet thump as he tossed it into the trash can. Shaking my hair out of the way, I watched him look around his room for clothes, one hand over his junk to protect it from the chill. The hard lines of his body were as familiar as my own, at this point (which, as with most eighteen-year-old guys, was _very)_, and just looking at him made my dick twitch pathetically. Our libidos were no joke – another reason I wasn’t taking this stupid fight too seriously. He’d have to go pretty far to find anyone else to fuck. Not that it would be too hard for him, if he really put his mind to it.

Jealousy only made my dick harder.

“I’ve got patrol soon,” he said stiffly, grabbing a towel. I recognized the dismissal and gladly ignored it, rolling onto my back – drying semen, ew – and taking my dick in hand. His eyes fell to the motion, an aggravated frown almost convincing me to stop while I was ahead.

“Just enough time for one more round,” I pleaded anyway. “C’mon.”

He glanced at the door.

“Fine.” The towel hit the ground and he was climbing on top of me and grinding our cocks together in one fluid movement, bringing us both back to full hardness within seconds, the hot slide of skin on skin about to make a joke of my stamina.

“Jacob…” he said against my cheek, soft and intimate. I moved my hands to his ass, kneading the flesh there.

“Paul,” I dipped one finger in, circling the warm ring of muscle. He liked it. He fucking _loved _it. I could feel him at the edges of my mind. Like the Call, but quieter. “Can I _please_ fuck you?”

“That’s funny,” he scoffed, putting a hand on my chest and pushing himself back off the bed. I caught his wrist. “Quit it.”

“You want it, too.” I waved my hand between us, trying to put a movement to the fucking mess we’d gotten ourselves into. “I don’t really think what happened is gonna go away, so why not just – “

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” He sneered, yanking his hand away to wrap it around my dick and squeeze. A startled noise jumped out of my chest. Started and horny. “Sink your claws as deep as possible?”

“I want to _fuck_ you,” I growled, though looking scary with another man’s hand on your crotch was kind of difficult. “Because I want to make you _feel_ good.”

“Mhmm.” He moved his hand up and down sharply, making me whine for more before he let go. “Well, I’m about to run a three hour patrol with no one to keep me company. Feel good about _that_ while I’m gone.”

“You’ll be with Leah.” I sat up on my elbows, watching him get dressed. He was gonna skip the shower, then, just to get away from me. “Finish what you started!”

“Is that an order?” He asked, mouth twisting in anger.

“Fuck you.”

“Yeah.” He gazed at me for a second, then picked up the towel and tossed it over. “You need it more than I do. Don’t be here when my dad gets home, ‘kay?”

“Whatever.”

He stopped at the door and looked back, like he had something to say. Something actually maybe not mean or rude as fuck. “Do your homework.”

“Is _that_ an order?”

He smiled. “Yeah.”

“I love you, too,” I mumbled after he was gone, rolling back over into the pillow. The door shut softly and I listened to his footsteps as they moved to the front door and out into the grass. After a while, I pushed up and took a shower, using his soap to scrub away what clung to my stomach.

The sun hung behind clouds as I walked home, wearing yesterday’s clothes. Big, wet snowflakes melted on my skin. I should be enjoying the weekend, not spending all my free time reading.

Billy didn’t acknowledge me – spending nights with Paul happened way to often to surprise him anymore, though for all he knew we’d all been out together doing Halloweeny, delinquent things – until I sat down across from him at the table with toast and coffee.

"_Hahch chee-eh," _ I tried. His eyebrows shot up as he returned the greeting, smirking as I struggled to form another sentence. “_Athla-chuh_?”

He straightened out his newspaper. “_Pakatlee_.”

“That’s work?”

The reluctant return to English made him smile. “You’re helping at the fish bake tonight.”

“You could at least _phrase_ it like a question, y’know.” I shoved a whole piece of toast in my mouth. “Like I’d take shit for being the only one who didn’t come.”

“_Hahch.”_

I squinted at the back of the newspaper, trying to catch the names on a Forks wedding announcement. No one I knew.

“Charlie coming?” I asked, refilling both of our mugs.

“How would I know?”

_Because you know everything_. “Dunno. You need me to go to the store or anything?”

He nodded. “We need a dessert.”

“’Kay,” I said, speaking around toast. “I’ll go later.”

I went to my room and shut the door, unfinished homework sitting on the floor, exactly where I’d left it. School was getting harder and harder to deal with, and I often looked back at my decision to stick it out instead of taking the council job with a lot of regret. But there was a light at the end of the tunnel, because college applications loomed ahead of me, whenever I gathered the courage to start them.

Quileute had never been something that interested me, but it was Sam’s idea to start using some of our words as code. Not just against Edythe, but any vampire, since they all had super special powers. It wasn’t too much effort to learn some more outside of that – it made my dad happy, anyway, and it was even more important now, when the pack minds were separated.

From one perspective, it was a good thing. Sam and I had started fighting. All the time. It took Emily finally snapping over dinner and yelling us into shame for us to realize that maybe it had less to do with us not getting along and more to do with the whole double Alpha thing.

I didn’t do it on purpose – the legends always said that I would eventually eclipse him as Alpha, so what we _didn’t_ see coming was for me to become a totally separate entity. Which meant no more Call, and no more thought-sharing. Only Paul had been sucked along with me, and he had some pretty strong opinions about why that was. Because Jacob Black couldn’t have a good thing without something being taken away. Namely, his boyfriend’s respect.

If that’s even what we _were_ anymore.

I forced down the rest of the coffee and started working on the damn essay. American Government. What a fucking blast.

Shitting out a few meager sentences took way too long, and when it was nearly sunset I gave up and jogged to the nearest store. Without unknown vampires running around anymore, the Council decided to make use of our limited energy through manual labor. First it was the charity drives, then helping old-timers move furniture. Nearly every roof on the rez was patched up and leak-free, thanks to us. And now this salmon bake. I never realized how much _work_ went into them.

Harry had started the fire the day before. A big one behind the Community Center, burning up seasoned logs of wood inside a big circle of bricks. We had a tarp tent ready in case any rain blew in. Now we were brushing salad oil onto the fish stakes.

“I hate her,” Embry announced, looking up from our table at Leah, who sipped a lemonade next to Sue and Charlie – the picture of relaxation. He didn’t mean it, but I didn’t say anything.

“Hey, Jake!” Seth said cheerfully, helping Sam carry a cooler from Harry’s truck. He knocked my elbow as he took his customary spot _right_ at my side. It was even more annoying now that he was nearing my height. The transformation hadn’t changed him as radically as we’d feared – his growth spurt over the last six months _almost_ seemed normal. And, to his disappointment, he was still all skin and bones.

“Hey, kid.” I handed him my brush. “Work on this for me?”

“Sure!”

Sam opened one of the coolers to show me the piles of salmon fillets. “You need to pat these dry. Then they can go up.”

“Okay.” I glanced around at the growing crowd. A bunch of kids messed around in the grass, one kick away from sending their soccer ball right into the firepit. I saw some kids from school off to the side. A year ago, going to say hi wouldn’t have been a question. Now they’d be freaked out. Non-pack friendships had really fallen to the wayside.

“I think I saw Emily trying to help Jared with the drinks.”

“Better go put a stop to it,” he sighed, heading for the building. I started laying the fish out on the table, grabbing a roll of paper towels from next to Seth. The work kept my mind blank for a while. Until Quil and Paul got there.

I was surprised he’d show. He’d been subtly avoiding hanging out with all the pack at once. It completely humiliated him that now everyone knew, or guessed, what we must have done for this to happen. It didn’t break my heart or anything, but I did wish he’d suck it up. Solo patrols for two months? Not that bad. We’d been together a _year_.

Which was exactly how long it took for whatever deep-set, cultural homophobia he had stuck in his brain to give up. It didn’t make much sense to me how fucking _me_ in the ass made him less gay. Finally having it the other way around (the best orgasm of my _life_, by the way), only to wake up and realize what had happened, was rough.

It also wasn’t great for a relationship that I _literally_ had all the power. I could make him do anything, and it sickened me. I never liked the Alpha commands. Not when Sam did them and not when I accidentally did the same. It seemed a hundred times worse now that Paul was the only person affected by that power. Power I wasn’t even using! So it was ridiculous for him to treat me like the bad guy. _Right?_

Billy didn’t know. None of the council did. I looked over at his dark, graying hair and wide shoulders. Exactly how I’d look someday. Old and tired, but strong. I didn’t want to keep it from him, and the fight would be epic, probably, when he found out about the big split. Like when Leah had turned and he all but demanded I go to Seattle and drag Bella back to Forks, away from the Cullens.

Quil joined us while Paul went straight to Harry, who’d been methodically prodding at the fire with a stick. I didn’t bother asking about patrol – nothing interesting had happened in a year. Sometimes a Cullen or two would drift this side of Forks to catch up, but it was rare.

But that was just speaking for the pack. _I_ got more than my fill of vampire, thanks to Bella. And the Vamp House had a kick-ass gaming set up. That didn’t hurt.

“Why does fish smell so much better _after_ you cook it?” Quil said, nose wrinkling as he slapped a dried slab of meat on a plate.

“Just don’t let my dad hear you complain,” I muttered, imagining the earful we would all get. ‘Civic duty’ was me sacrificing all my free time to fight demonic bloodsuckers – not running juice boxes to the t-ball games.

“_You _can pick out my splinters, then,” Embry called over, gesturing with one of the shorter pine sticks me and Paul had spent the day before cutting up.

“Yeah, you’ll need the extra reach when Jake shoves it up your ass,” Leah said, setting her chin on his shoulder. He knocked her away roughly. “Oh, calm down.”

Embry rolled his eyes and moved over a step, nodding to the pile of unwoven wood frames. “Shock us all and actually help for once.”

Her eyes narrowed, but she actually did pick up a pike and start weaving. “Someone’s upset they got caught thinking about my ass earlier.”

“Leah!” Seth complained, bright red.

Quil laughed, and a pang of sadness kept me from doing the same. I actually missed being subjected to Embry’s thoughts during patrol. Maybe it would make more sense why he hated her if I could hear for myself – from the human side of things, at least, her flirting was kind of obvious. Embry never seemed to notice. He should have been jumping at the chance. Probably still hung up on Bella’s friend.

I’d make fun of him, if my situation was any less hopeless.

Leah got five stakes woven before Embry had finished his first, exuding smugness as she fitted in a piece of salmon between the branches and set it aside. Finally done with my part, I took two beers from the cooler and walked them over to Charlie and my dad. They’d moved closer to the fire as the sun fell, just at the edge of the sphere of warmth before it got too hot.

“Good man,” Charlie nodded at me as he took the Ranier. “To Vitamin R!”

Billy echoed him, clinking their cups together.

“How’s it going, Jake?” Charlie asked, like he didn’t see me almost every weekend. Bella had just been back here a few weeks ago, but since then I guessed she was busy. Our weekly phone call had been short, like she was distracted the whole time. Alice was making them go to a Halloween party last night, so she was probably just dreading it. I reminded myself to call and ask how it went.

“Can’t complain. Hope you’re hungry.”

“Oh, you know I’m just here for the company,” he tried. I grinned at him, turning to Sue. “Need anything?”

She shook her head, crossing her legs under a blanket. “Harry’s worked you hard enough.”

I held up my hands in defeat, then pointed at Charlie. “I expect a tip for that, then.”

He and Billy both cracked up. Old men really went for the corny stuff.

Harry was supervising as Paul dug holes into the ground with a big screw, about a foot apart around the fire. I grabbed the finished stakes and followed behind him, making sure they were steady leaning forward before moving on to the next.

When the fish was up and baking and the heat of the fire had even me and Paul sweating, we collapsed on the ground next to the others, where someone (Emily) had laid out a large quilt. Leah, Jared and Seth played Jenga on an empty cooler. I pulled my shirt over my head, letting the cold air cool the sweat on my back. Embry stretched out perpendicular, using my shin as a pillow. He reeked of fish.

“So,” I said nonchalantly. “Leah’s ass, huh?”

Paul raised his eyebrows as Embry groaned. “What?”

“It’s too good for any of you,” she snapped. I lifted my head to wink at her, surprised she’d heard me from this distance.

“I wasn’t _thinking_ about it,” Embry insisted. “She just parades around – “

“_Parade?”_ She was looming over us now, a hand on her hip. Very much Emily’s cousin. “You should be so lucky. You think I like being forced into this penis side-show?”

The nudity had become a lot more of a _thing_ when she’d turned. Before, it was just an unspoken thing we had to accept. Now, she and Seth patently refused to be put on patrol together. Around the rest of us, though, she was definitely not as shy as she made out.

“You know what the surprising part is?” Embry said, and I knew from his tone it was gonna be bad. “That you turned out to be the hairiest – “

She kicked him in the side. Hard. He rolled to his other side with a groan as she stormed off.

“You _do_ know you deserved that,” Paul pointed out without an ounce of sympathy. I grinned at him.

“Boots,” he whimpered against my leg. “Why is she wearing boots?”

Sam and Harry stood point at the fire, brushing the fish with a butter and lemon mixture as it cooked. The smell made my mouth water and it was with heavy martyrdom that we let the crowd descend before getting our own plates. It was a while before Seth and Jared ducked into the fray for fish and sides – viciously guarded by some older women.

“My house, tonight?” Jared asked, when we were full of food. He’d waited until Seth and, by default, Leah had left. Charlie was gone, but Sue still sat next to my dad and Harry. They all looked cozy – I was glad Harry had gotten over his dramatics so Charlie could stop beating himself up about finally getting laid. Bella had been really worried about him all summer.

“Yeah,” Quil agreed, sitting up. “I’ve got that new Smash game.”

“Oh, _hell_ yeah.” I had a lot of practicing to do before Emmett got ahold of that one. If he hadn’t already. “Right now?”

“Let me call my mom and warn her.” He pushed up and walked off with his phone to his ear.

“Well?” Embry asked, raising his eyebrows expectantly at Paul, who hadn’t given an answer.

He glanced at me before shrugging. “Sure.”

Embry lit up. “Dope! I’ll go steal some dessert.”

I watched Paul more closely when it was just us. He was tense, one finger tapping his crossed knee. He’d always been kind of anxious, but it had gotten a lot worse lately. Because of me.

“Hey.”

He looked up, already frowning.

“I think I’m gonna go for a ride before Jared’s.”

It was obviously an invitation, but I didn’t want him to feel bad for saying no. Luckily, he didn’t.

******************

The bike fought me across the mud, but once I hit gravel it was an easy push onto the road where Paul waited. I threw a leg over the seat and slammed my foot down on the pedal, releasing the throttle at the same time. The engine purred to life between my legs, making my teeth chatter together as Paul climbed on behind me.

I wasn’t getting too excited – for all I knew, we were just gonna fight again. But when the houses on either side of us turned into thick trees and I let the bike really fly, he leaned in, arms wrapping securely around my stomach. Wind whipped some of my hair from its ponytail and rushed past my ears, not cold enough to touch me.

“Too far!” Paul called when we reached Forks, his lips brushing my ear. A cop seeing us without helmets or jackets wouldn’t be fun. I nodded and came to a stop, swinging around so that he had to tighten his grip or fall.

Dark trees flew past on either side, lit only by my passing headlight. I still debated selling it sometimes, because it _was _nice. But these late night drives were my favorite thing to do. Especially with Paul. Bella squealed and giggled the one time she’d ridden it, but he was still and silent against my back, his nose pressing into my shoulder blade. The air smelled like pine and oncoming rain.

I took a turn on the way back, shooting us inadvisably fast up a low hill and coming to a stop at the edge of the gravel, where the trailhead started. Third Beach was only about a mile off.

Without the headlight, it was almost too dark to see. No human could. As it was, I could see the shapes of Paul’s face as he tugged us toward a tree trunk. If I focused, the waves were faintly audible, but it might’ve just been my own pulse in my ears.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, when he backed me up against the bark and just stopped.

“Nothing.”

I pressed a kiss to his jaw. “You’re nervous.”

“I’m not nervous.” He pushed his fingers under the waistband of my jeans and kept them there.

“I don’t know why you think our friends care so much. They don’t.”

“I’m not talking about this – “

“_Please_,” I said, careful not to make any demands. “Please talk to me. I miss you.”

“Jacob.” Paul shook his head and kissed me, hurried and messy. I force myself to stop arguing – not a difficult task, really. It was clear he hadn’t agreed to come up here so we could talk. I’d wear him down, eventually, but now we were gonna give each other hand jobs against a tree.

And that was just fine with me.

*******************

A loud, unpleasant vibrating sound woke me up. I was far too sober for Jared’s floor to be comfortable, and when I stretched several things popped. Snoring, a truly hideous fart from Quil’s direction, and…yep, definitely my phone. I followed the sound, knocking Paul awake on accident with a misplaced knee.

“…Jacob?”

“I need my phone,” I whispered back, rubbing his shin in apology. He sat up on an elbow, shirtless and beautiful. No – I needed my phone. _Don’t get distracted_. “It might be Billy. If he fell out of the bed again...”

Paul helped me look, careful not to wake anyone up. It was hard with all of us shoved into this tiny room, but I climbed past Embry and picked up a thrown-off blanket. The screen lit up, flashing Edythe’s name.

“It’s Edythe,” I said, my tone snapping the others out of their sleep. Paul turned the light on and Jared’s bed creaked as he sat up.

“Edythe?” Quil mumbled, yawning. “Is this a Thing?”

“I don’t know!” _4:00 AM, November 2nd _, read the top line of the screen. I held it to my ear. This was just a drunk Bella-call, surely. She was calling me from this phone because she’d misplaced hers again. Edythe didn’t call me. Not ever.

“Jacob?” Okay, that was definitely Edythe.

“What’s up?” I asked, shrugging at the four questions hurled my way. She must have heard, because she hesitated.

“You’re not alone.”

“No. I’m with the guys. What is it?”

“I…” Panic flared up in my stomach at her unusual slowness. She sounded hoarse, like she was trying to keep herself calm. “I don’t really know how to…”

“Is Bella – ?”

“Bella is fine. She’s…asleep, now, but there’s something wrong, Jacob. Something is really, really wrong.”

“What the hell do you mean?” I asked, frustrated. “Let me talk to her.”

“Carlisle is driving up in a few hours. You can come with him, if you…” there was a broken off little sigh before she started talking again. “I need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. It's very important that you all know the transition from Bella to Jacob's POV is set to 'In for the Kill' by La Roux. Also, the bike ride is set to 'Om' by Hippie sabotage. (both added to the playlist)
> 
> 2\. I worked really hard to get the Quileute language as correct as possible - there are a ton of resources online for learning some basic phrases as well as a keyboard you can download to use their alphabet. I used that keyboard for the few phrases you see in this chapter, but obviously it didn't work with this website for whatever reason. I've instead attempted to write them out phonetically, which really sucks but I'll post the links below if anyone wants to check out some of the resources! The Quileute language is really beautiful and interesting, like all things about the culture.
> 
> 3\. The Salmon Bake recipe is online (link below), and I tried to portray as best I could the way it generally goes. I want to try it as soon as I get access to a grill/firepit in the future.
> 
> 4\. sorry for the icky meat things I made Bella do :)
> 
> Links:  
Quileute language resources: https://quileutenation.org/language/
> 
> Some examples of written Quileute with translations:  
https://quileutenation.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/quileute_words_and_phrases-sets_1-4.pdf
> 
> Salmon Bake recipe:  
http://nativefood.blogspot.com/2005/10/native-style-salmon-bake.html


	7. Shitnado in Seattle

I thought our days of knocking on Sam’s door in the dead of night were long over, but he answered quickly enough, all sleep vanishing from his eyes as he took in the five of us standing there.

“Where’s Leah and Sam?”

“Probably asleep,” I said, shouldering past him. “Edythe just called me.”

“What about?”

Emily stood at the end of the hall, a shawl clutched tight around her shoulders. I paced around, looking for my phone charger I knew I’d left here somewhere. Quil sat at the kitchen table, still only half-awake.

“Something’s wrong with Bella. She asked me to go up there. Oh, thanks.” I took my coiled up charger from Emily and shoved it in my pocket. “That’s all she would say. I just thought I’d let you know.”

“Something’s _wrong? _Does it have anything to do with us?”

“I can’t think of any other reason she’d call me like that. I tried Alice, but she’s not answering. I’m supposed to go meet Dr. Fang.”

“Why?”

“Beats me.” Energy buzzed under my skin, the need to go was impossible to resist. “I’ll probably miss school, though, so can you talk to the council?”

Sam squared his shoulders, sighing. “Not unless this has something to do with the pack. I can’t lie to them – “

“If she needs a _vamp_ doctor, then it’s probably pretty fucking serious.”

“ – _and_,” he went on, using his Dad tone. “I don’t want you up there alone.”

“Paul’s coming,” I said, then paused. “Right?”

Paul looked away from me, crossing his arms. Ah, shit.

“Someone of mine,” Sam said, apology in his eyes at the phrasing. “Just in case.”

Just in case we got attacked, he meant. Me or Paul wouldn’t be able to drop a line if our throats were being ripped out, but anyone else could at least alert the others. “Fine. Embry?”

He nodded, eyes wide. “Yeah, I’ll go.”

Quil pouted, but I knew he’d agreed to babysit Joy Reed’s twins Monday night. “I’ll call you when I get there,” I called to Sam, rushing through the front door with Embry on my heels. “Run to your house,” I said. “Pack a bag. We can take my bike to the Vamp House.”

“Are we riding with them? In their car?”

“No,” I decided, grimacing. Three hours locked in a car with vampire stench cycling through the vents was a little too much to handle. We’d be hanging our heads out the windows like poodles. “But if they haven’t left yet we can try and get some answers.”

I heard the door open and shut again behind us, hesitating to turn around until Embry had jogged off to the left.

“You coming, or what?” I asked, giving him one last chance to stop messing around.

Paul shook his head. “Sam said – “

“Yeah, I know. I still want you there.”

He clenched his jaw, and I sensed a real dilemma going on in his stupid, hot head. “I’ll go.”

“Great – “

“If you make it an order.”

“Are you serious, Paul?” I yelled, not caring if they could hear it in the house. “When will you give it up?”

“I’m serious! Just get it over with!”

“_Why_ would I do that? Do you need a _reason_ to break it off with me that badly?”

“No – !”

“I won’t beg you.” I turned around, rage shoved to the side as I turned my thoughts to Bella. “And I won’t miss you. Bye.”

********************

Carlisle and Esme were in the driveway, the open garage casting blue light over the gravel. Sunrise wasn’t far off – I’d seen the first traces of it passing through Forks. But time mattered even less to them than it did to us. All this had probably interrupted their late-night Netflix and chilled-blood.

Neither looked up as I careened in, dropping the kickstand into the mud and letting Embry climb off. “Hey,” I said, watching Esme lift a cooler into the trunk of their mean little Mercedes. “Good. We caught you.”

“Jacob.” Carlisle materialized right in front of me, dark-eyed and buttoned up in the usual youth-pastor fit. Embry flinched at the sudden proximity, but I was used to it.

We shook hands, a weird little quirk of his I always went along with. It used to bother me, how much I oddly felt the need to respect this man. Even when I thought of them as nothing but vampires, he and his wife were so PTA parent about everything I felt bad snapping at them. Esme more so, because she always offered food.

“I wasn’t aware…” Carlisle glanced at our bags. “Edythe contacted you?”

“Uh, yeah?” He and Esme looked at each other blankly. “Please tell me you know what’s going on.”

“Bella is experiencing some…complications. I don’t know much more than that.” I didn’t believe him, and he knew it. “I hesitate to assume anything before I’ve seen her myself,” he added.

“What kind of complications?” Panic really set in. _Complications_ was a medical word – the one doctors used when they didn’t know what the hell happened.

_I’m sorry, Mr. Black. Your wife had complications during recovery. There was nothing we could do._

Esme gently took our backpacks, stowing them in the car without asking. “Edythe says she’s had some sort of…breakdown. She refused to see a doctor.”

“What?” I asked, exasperation making me rude. “A _breakdown?”_ That didn’t sound like Bella. “Does she know you’re coming?”

“I don’t know.” Carlisle checked his watch before glancing up at my motorcycle. “Running won’t be as fast as the roads. Not at this hour.”

I decided to take that as a challenge. “It’ll be fine. Sorry, someone will be by to pick up the bike.”

“I can put it in the garage.” Esme made us wait while she darted into the house. I raised my eyebrows as she handed me a wad of cash and two thick rubber bands. Thick enough to tie around our legs, along with our clothes as we ran in wolf form. “You can take a ferry across the sound or get a taxi,” she smiled tightly. “No forests in the city.”

“Good thinking,” I said, shoving the money in my pocket.

“See you there,” Carlisle said, grim and assured as he slid into the driver’s seat. Esme retreated to the garage, waving us off with a frown I didn’t like.

***********************

It was nearly ten by the time we made it to the city. At least the ferry dropped us off close enough to walk – taxis were disgusting and way too small – the way to Bella’s apartment. The forced stillness of standing on deck over a freezing ocean gave us a chance to talk, finally. It was lonely, running next to Embry all that way without being able to hear him.

“Anything?” I asked as soon as we had phased at the edge of the trees. The Bainbridge Island ferry bell rang it’s approach from Seattle proper.

“Alice answered Quil on, like, the fifth call. Didn’t say anything more than what Esme told us.”

It was beyond frustrating to have to walk through the crowds. They still parted around us, because, well, we were two hulking brown dudes walking with purpose, but I would have preferred jogging. Maybe the road trip with Dad-cula would have been less filled with coffee cup carriers and skateboards. I had to duck out of the way of two different dudes, ignoring the urge to slam my foot down on the backs of their boards and send them flying all the way to the Space Needle.

“That’s it,” I said, pointing to the tan building with the fire escape. Embry looked up, then across the street.

“I thought it was that one?”

“Well, you were drunk when we came here.”

“So were you!”

I was right. The code still worked, and we chose the elevator only because the stairs were farther away. “Do you think Carlisle’s already here?” He asked.

“Probably.”

“Do you think – “

We both stopped cold as the doors slid open on Five, a familiar voice filtering down the hall.

“ – think for _one second_ I’m stupid enough to believe your _bullshit!_ I’ve seen the bruises! She came to my house _sobbing _last night, and I _know_ it was about you!”

“That sounds like…” Embry didn’t move until I pulled him, rounding the corner until we could see Jessica at Bella’s door, all five-foot-fury and yoga-pantsed up. It wasn’t hard to guess who she was yelling at.

“I _will_ keep her away from your freak family, if that’s what it takes! Tell. Me. What – “

She caught sight of us out of the corner of her eye, though the yelling didn’t stop until she did a double-take, mouth falling to the floor. “_Embry?!”_

He looked just as shocked.

As much fun as it was watching someone yell at Edythe like this, it sounded like things were getting a little too serious. I closed the distance, glancing up at Edythe and feeling cold terror plunge through my chest. I’d seen her look like that before, for reasons I wasn’t eager to relive. “What’s going on?”

“I…” Jessica was still trying to come to terms with our appearance. “Did Bella call you?”

Edythe held my eyes, shaking her head just a little.

“No,” I improvised, watching Jessica’s big eyes narrow. “Just visiting.”

“Well,” she sniffed. “You picked a hell of a time.”

“I can see that. Where’s Bella?”

“She was at my house, then she left. With _Alice_,” Jessica hissed, her cheeks turning pink. “Now they won’t let me talk to her.”

“That’s not true,” Edythe said. She looked terrible – hair pulled roughly back from her face, something like a coffee stain on her shirt. The circles under her eyes were faint, but that they were there at all was a bad sign. “She doesn’t want to see you.”

“_Liar!”_ Jessica grabbed my arm, grip almost as tight as a vampire’s. And she had _long_ nails. “Bella’s been acting _really_ weird, Jake. Last week, she had these _bruises_ – “

I heard wood creak dangerously. Edythe was gripping the edge of the door, keeping the apartment from view. She shook her head again, eyes widening in silent appeal. It was an answer to the furious question in my head. _I didn’t do it_, she was saying.

At my next question, she nodded once.

“Jessica,” I said, putting a hand on her shoulder and letting just a touch of authority bleed into my voice. “I think I know what’s going on.”

“You do – ?!”

“But I need to talk to Edythe. I think the best thing you can do for Bella right now is to go home.”

Jessica’s eyes went wide. Her shoulders jerked away from me, and I heard Edythe take a very quiet breath.

“You’re in on it,” she whispered. Her head snapped to Embry, and I could almost feel him recoil. “Both of you.”

“Just go,” I said. “I’m gonna go check on her.”

A truly terrifying, false smile stole over her anger. “Fine,” she chirped, fixing Edythe with a black glare. “Embry can walk me home.”

Behind me, Embry made a short, high noise in his throat. She thought she was going to get information out of him, I realized. Well, damn. That was just good strategy on her part. Those yoga pants were _tight._

I turned and raised an eyebrow. _Can you handle it?_

Like a man to the gallows, he nodded and turned to follow as Jessica stomped off.

“What the fuck, Edythe?”

The door complained again. She stepped back so I could come inside. Two steps in, my hackles rose. The scent wasn’t Victoria, but someone else I didn’t recognize. My senses zeroed in on the pile of paper towels in front of the fridge. It wasn’t blood they were soaking up – too pink and the wrong smell. Like a faint recreation of a rotting animal corpse we sometimes came across on patrol. Broken glass glinted across the kitchen floor, and a different set of shards scattered the carpet, under a considerable dent in the wall by the TV.

Well, some serious shit had clearly gone down, but not what I feared. “I thought you said – “

“Yes. Her scent’s faded already.” It was a second before she answered my thought. “A week.”

“WHAT?” I spun around, almost tripping myself. I even forgot about the other scent. "A fucking _week?"_

I had _talked _to Bella since then. Why wouldn’t she – ?

“She came while Bella was sleeping,” Edythe droned on, leaning back against the closed door. “I wasn’t here. I didn’t – Alice didn’t see her coming. She left these – these bruises on Bella’s arms. And her throat. No bite,” she added when I opened my mouth. “Bella said she was curious, but I know there was more because she…”

“Why?” I asked, arms shaking. “I won’t even get _started _about the treaty, but – Victoria is _ours._ I thought you respected that! Why wouldn’t you tell us?”

Edythe put her face in her hand. “It’s so much bigger than that, Jacob.”

“How?”

She crossed the room, leaning down into the trashcan to pick up a thing of beef – ground beef, the kind you get at a grocery store. Plastic wrap still hung off of it, but a few chunks were missing. It was turning a sick shade of gray, and smelled almost as sharp as she did.

“Jasper found her,” Edythe said. “Yesterday.”

I looked down at the paper towels and what they were covering, uncomprehending.

“I saw what he saw.” Her face twisted in that freaky, tear-less kind of crying. She didn’t seem able to go on with that line of thought, skipping forward without really explaining. “The first thing Carlisle noticed was her weight. He saw her three weeks ago…I knew she hadn’t been eating as much, but I – I’m only around her so much of the day. I didn’t see…”

I hardly understood that last part, she was speaking so fast. “What are you talking about?”

“She was eating it!” Edythe yelled, kicking at the paper towels so I could see the puddle of meat water. “Drinking the myoglobin!”

“Eating it…_raw?”_

“Raw,” she confirmed. The meat fell back into the trashcan with a muffled, wet sound. “By the fistful. Like an animal.”

I felt my stomach twinge in sympathy and disgust as I tried to picture what she was describing. “Did Victoria bite her, or not?”

“_No_. Jacob – “ she sucked in a breath. “She’s not a vampire. That, I would know. Whatever this is…it’s all her. Jasper tried to make her throw up, but she wouldn’t. I wanted to take her to a hospital, but she flat out refused. She ran away to Jessica’s, and I didn’t wanna make a scene so I called you - ”

“Why would she – “

“The _screaming_,” Edythe breathed, holding her fingers to her temple and closing her eyes. “Jasper was so affected by it. And she was angry at _me_, Jacob. I don’t know why, or what I did. Maybe – “

“What?” I looked at the dent in the wall. She shook her head.

“Something she said to Alice. It doesn’t matter. I just need you to go persuade her to…to…”

“_What?”_ I said again.

“She won’t hear me,” she breathed. “She won’t even look at me. Please just go to her.”

I didn’t need to be told twice, and Edythe stopped answering me after that anyway. Alice buzzed me into her penthouse right away. I got some dirty looks from the lobby staff for my general scruffiness, but no one stopped me.

That same smell – new, dangerous – hit me as soon as I opened her door. Rosalie was there immediately, slapping a hand on my chest as I set my sights on the newcomer. It wasn’t her smartest move, but I did stop. Bella wasn’t in this room – I heard Carlisle speaking quietly to her behind a door. Everyone else sat around in various human poses.

“It’s Garrett. He’s a friend,” Rosalie said, stern. The guy just looked at me, curious. He had red eyes. Asian. “He won’t hunt here.”

“What the fuck is going on?” I spat, real tired of asking. “I don’t trust you, Hannah Montana. Jasper.”

Jasper looked over from a chair. “He’s helping us look for Victoria.”

“We need him,” Rosalie said. I pushed her hand away.

“_Why_? You have us. You know, the ones that _don’t_ kill humans for fun.”

“I see it more as an obligation, actually,” the guy said with a capital-A-asshole accent. Rosalie closed her eyes like he’d told a bad joke.

“Listen, whatever,” I said through chattering teeth. The smell was intense already, an Unknown making it that much worse. “Where is she?"

Rosalie pointed. I went to the nearest door, not breathing until I saw her. It was a bedroom, a long lounge chair at the foot of a massive bed. Bella sat on the edge, hands covering her face as she dragged in uneven, ragged breaths. Carlisle kneeled in front of her, going quiet as I barged in.

“Bella, what the hell?”

Her hands dropped, red-tinged eyes going wide. At least they were still the usual gray. It wasn’t too bad – tears, blotchy cheeks, exhausted circles under her eyes. Not nearly as grim as when we’d found her with James. Instead of looking happy to see me, though, her breaths sped up, turning into a panting stutter. “W – you can’t – Carlisle!”

“I know,” he said softly. “He was worried about you.”

“No! _No!_” She shook her head, gripping the seat so hard I heard her knuckles grind together. “He can’t be here!”

“Why can’t I be here?” I was trying to find the bruises Edythe mentioned, but Bella was all bundled up in a sweater. “Know what? I don’t care. Get up.”

“Jacob,” Carlisle said, faintly disapproving. I ignored him.

“I mean it, Bells. Let’s go. Get up.”

She just looked at me. At least the hyperventilating had stopped. I sighed and leaned in, picking her up bridal-style.

“Let me go,” she said, shoving at my chest like she always did. But it was weak, and there was an edge to her voice I didn’t like. “Jake!”

She didn’t kick or anything, and as I carried her out of the room she went quiet, hiding her face in my shoulder and smearing tears all over my shirt. Alice pressed her shoes into my hand. I took them and left, relaxing just a little once we were in the elevator.

“Don’t take me to Edythe,” Bella begged.

“I’m not.” I set her down gently, noticing how unsteady she was on her feet. She put the shoes on shakily. “Stop crying. I just wanted to get you away from all of…that.”

We got more strange looks on the way out. I kept my arm around her, aware it was cold and she only had a sweater on. She _was_ human. I could hear her heart pounding. And she was alive, and still Bella, and…what did that leave? What was wrong with her?

“Where – “

I shushed her, walking the opposite way from her apartment and looking around. “What was the last thing you ate?”

Her arms crossed tightly around her middle. “Jacob,” she whimpered. “Please, you can’t – ”

“Raw meat, huh?” She flinched and tried to pull away. Not a chance. “I’m gonna need you to explain that one.”

“You don’t understand.” It was hard to tell if I was making things worse or not. Her crazy hair was covering her face. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Yeah. Well, too late. You scared Edythe enough to call _me_.” I steered us into a restaurant. The cheap kind. She slumped into an empty booth while I used Esme’s leftover money to buy us both food.

I waited at the end of the counter, checking over my shoulder every few seconds to make sure she hadn’t run off. Vampires didn’t wipe snot on their sleeves. So, what? She had a fight with Edythe? Could _that_ have caused this? And the raw meat was completely unrelated?

No. No, because if it was a fight the first person she would have called was me. Or Jessica – and she clearly didn’t know what the hell was going on, either.

I took our trays over and dropped them down on the table, making Bella jump.

“Talk,” I said.

“Why are you doing this?” Her voice was miserable, but she looked at the food with more clarity than she had the whole walk over.

The cook had really taken the meaning of _rare_ to heart – her burger was nearly pink on the outside, as well as the inside. I was sure she wouldn’t actually eat it. Edythe was wrong. Bella wouldn’t have –

She ate it. Her hands were clearly shaking, but her eyes closed after the first bite and she made a low noise of satisfaction. The burger dropped back to the tray and she took the bread off, picking apart the patty – _ew _– with her fingers until it was all gone. Wordlessly, I pushed mine over. Cooked medium, but she didn’t seem to mind. Again, just the patty.

I was reminded of how the guys and I used to inhale food between patrol at Emily’s, starving and rude. Bella seemed to have forgotten all her table manners, too. Breathing hard and not looking at me, she wiped her hands thoroughly with a napkin, then her chin, though there was nothing there.

“Better?” I asked. She stared down at her hands, then the tears started up again. Deep, wracking sobs. Not loud, but people were really getting a look. “Bella,” I said, leaning in. “You’ve gotta chill out.”

“I c-can’t.”

I moved over to her side of the booth, blocking the view. Crying in a burger joint. Weren’t we a cute couple. “Just tell me everything. Starting with Victoria, and why you didn’t call me.”

She tried to stifle her sobs for a long while. I should have grabbed my phone, I thought. Carlisle had probably brought our stuff in from the car – I could be filling the pack in about Victoria. Shit.

“I’m still hungry, Jacob,” she said. I shifted, leaning to look at her face. She’d wiped most of the tears away, but they were being replaced just as fast.

“You can have my fries.”

“No. I don’t want that.”

“O-kay. I’ll get more – “

“Jake.” Her eyes fixed straight ahead. I waited, uneasy and afraid. Slowly, she turned her eyes to mine, dropping to something lower than a whisper. “I think…I think that meat is just…the closest thing.”

“No.” I shook my head. “No, Bella. That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I’ve been so hungry.” Her face went blank, tears still dripping down her cheeks. “For weeks, I think. F-food was tasting funny…I don’t know how to explain it to you. I thought it was just normal college stuff. But it all makes sense…I saw that meat in the fridge and it was like I was _starved_. And that feeling hasn’t gone away.” Her lip trembled and she bit down on it, resting her forehead against my shoulder for a minute, drawing deep breaths. “I tried to eat, um, salad last night. It came up right after. It _hurt_. And Edythe – “

Here she broke off. I patted her back a little until she’d calmed down enough to speak again. “Edythe tried to make me go to the hospital.”

“Yeah,” I tried to keep my voice low and soothing. “She said you wouldn’t go.”

“I was sc-scared. I don’t remember why I yelled, but I couldn’t – if I went, then – “

“Bella. What did Victoria do to you?” I knew I’d touched on something vital. Bella went stiff and sat back, blinking.

“Victoria.”

“Yeah.”

Her eyes closed, shaking hands bunched up in the front of my shirt. “She knows what’s happening to me. Half – half life.”

“The _video game?”_

“’His essence lives in me’. That’s what she said, Jake.” At my blank stare, she ripped her sleeve up, thrusting the scar in my face. Faded and pale, the shape of a mouth. And a bruise just above it on her forearm. Two marks that she should never have received. “His _essence_. She could smell him. In my blood.”

“She lied.” I pulled her sleeve back up. “You’re not a vampire.”

Her laugh caught on the edge of a sob. “I barely remember last night. Or Halloween. It’s like I get so confused, a-and angry. I think I broke up with Edythe," she added numbly.

“Why won’t you go to a doctor?” I asked, pressing my hand to her forehead. It was a useless measurement – she was colder than me and warmer than a vampire, that was about all I got. She let me, sighing like it felt nice – which it probably did, her slumming it with vamps all the time. “I get you’re hungry, but raw meat could give you salmonella or something. Mad cow disease.”

“I’m scared,” she whispered, holding my hand to her cheek. To anyone else, it would look lovey-dovey and gross. But we were just Bella and Jake, and I was supposed to make her feel better. Any way I could. “What if they take my blood? What if – if there’s something wrong with it?”

I knew what she was hinting at, and it didn’t make a lick of sense. “Edythe sucked the venom out, okay? I saw it. You were screaming and thrashing around, and then you weren’t.”

Maybe I could take her now. To the nearest hospital. She’d fight me, but maybe that’s where we were. Bella thought she wanted _blood_. It could be a psychological thing. Her friends were all vampires. She was in love with a vampire. A delusion: she thought she was becoming one of them, so her body was sending the wrong messages. Psycho-somatic, or something. I saw it on a TV show.

“You think I’m crazy,” she said, reading it from my face. I shrugged, which made her smile. “That’s what she thinks, too. Maybe that was what made me so…it doesn’t matter.” She slumped against the wall, pushing her hands through her hair.

“What else?” I asked. “What else should I know?”

There was a frightened flutter of emotion – really, her eyebrows were way too expressive for any hope of a poker face. “She’ll hear it. In your thoughts.”

So there was _something. _“What does it matter? It’s _Edythe_. She worships the ground you walk on.”

That only seemed to upset her more. “I can’t.” Her voice was shaky and wet. There was a really disgusting_squelch_ when she passed her sleeve roughly over her nose, leaving the skin red and irritated. “It’s too…too much.”

I weighed my options, chewing on some fries while she cleaned herself up. She was calmer, now, which was good. I didn’t want to push it anymore, but this wasn’t over. “Let’s go back to Carlisle.”

“Okay,” she said, after a long silence. It didn’t sounded like she wanted to, though. It sounded like she was too tired to argue.

********************

Embry was there when I brought Bella back, maybe an hour and a half later. She hadn’t wanted to go right away, just clung to my side in the diner without saying anything. Alice’s eyes watched us, but her mouth pressed into a thin line.

“Billy,” Embry said, tossing me my phone. I ignored the rest of them (_especially _Asshole), following Bella back into the room where Carlisle had set up.

“Are you sure?” He asked her, all doctorly concern. She nodded and sat on the long chair, pulling her sleeve up.

I sat next to her, scrolling through the messages I’d missed. _Sorry_, I sent to the four paragraph lecture from Billy. _Emergency. I’ll explain later, if Sam hasn’t already._

Paul had texted two hours previous, asking if we’d made it. I tried to think of an answer, then shut the screen off, gripping Bella’s hand. Carlisle drew blood from her inner elbow with some expensive-looking equipment. His face was bent low, mouth tight with concentration, but I wondered if it was so he could smell it better.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, voice soft against Bella’s harsh breathing. Her eyes were closed, face turned away from the sight of the needle.

“Fine,” she said. The first words she’d spoken since we got back. He frowned and looked up at me, nostrils flaring. _Stop smelling me!_

“What did you and Jacob eat?”

“Burgers.”

“Bella’s was rare,” I told him. She squeezed me tighter in reproach, and Carlisle – interestingly – looked almost irritated. His blonde eyebrows pulled together.

“I don’t think that was wise, Jacob.”

“Why not? It’s what she likes.” I was just making a joke, but her face twisted against fresh tears. “Sorry,” I muttered.

“Raw meat can contain a variety of bacteria. Symptoms present anywhere from twenty-four hours to five days after consumption, depending.”

“Food poisoning,” I said. He nodded.

“Among other, more serious infections. I may be able to catch it early with these blood samples – I’m removing the needle, now, Bella.” She nodded, still turned away. He said her name again after taping some cotton to the puncture, waiting until she opened her eyes and looked at him. “I’m going to ask again that you return to Forks with me. We can look after you there, the response time will be much faster – “

“No,” Bella said, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. You know I can’t. I have to keep Victoria away from Forks.”

If she was less breakable, or a dude, I might have slapped her. Bella was really making a career out of self-sacrifice, still blaming herself for everything that happened last year. I didn’t want to agree with Carlisle out loud, though. Maybe she’d freak out if she thought I wasn’t on her side.

“Very well,” Carlisle said tightly, putting the bag of blood in a secure little pouch and zipping it up. “I’ll call tomorrow after I run some tests. In the meantime,” he pressed two fingers to the skin just under her jaw, counting beats. I was sure it was all for show, and he could hear it just fine. “Call me if you start experiencing abdominal cramps, nausea, vomiting, fever or diarrhea.”

“I already was,” she said through her teeth. “Before I ate it.”

Carlisle closed his eyes for a half second, suppressing his emotions so well I almost missed it. “Let me know if any of it returns,” he said. He pulled his hand away and stood. “Don’t stand. I’ll have Jacob bring you something to drink.”

I followed him into the hall, where Jasper was waiting. He stood a little ways off, eyes flashing to the bag in Carlisle’s hand.

“She’s better,” he said, his always unreadable face creased with confusion. At least he looked away from where the blood was. I kept myself between him and the closed door anyway. “Did she talk to you?”

I considered keeping it to myself, but it really wouldn’t help anything. “She’s convinced…I mean,” I lowered my voice. “Victoria apparently told her that James’ venom was in her blood.”

Jasper and Carlisle blinked at me. I watched Carlisle’s hand twitch toward the zipper of the bag, but he seemed to think better of it. Good, I thought. Keep that stuff locked up.

“Bella said this to you?” Jasper asked, eyes narrowing. I nodded, and he turned to Carlisle with a frown. “The other week, the night Victoria came… I’ve never felt anything like it, from her. And another one last night. Rage spells.” He glanced up at me. “She threw a mug at the wall.”

I felt my face do something disbelieving. Bella wouldn’t do that.

“And she’s been having these pains,” Jasper went on. “In her legs, ankles, and I believe her arms, as well. She told me it was from waitressing.”

I’d never seen Carlisle look so close to rattled. “Is there anything else?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Is she actually going crazy?”

Carlisle hesitated, eyes down. I was deadly serious, and he knew it. “I’m not a psychiatrist…officially. My _unofficial_ opinion is that Bella is a very strong-minded young woman. I’ve never known her to be particularly fanciful, and there’s nothing in her medical history or family tree to suggest mental illness might be at play. I wouldn’t rule it out, but…

“There is a very real possibility that Victoria was trying to scare her, and succeeded. She made Bella believe that this could be a possibility.”

“So you’re saying it’s impossible,” I pressed. Again, he hesitated.

“I am over three hundred years old, Jacob. Experience has taught me that it would be shortsighted to believe I’ve seen it all.”

“So, what? Should we be giving her bloodshakes? Let her go hunt people in the streets?”

“Or turn her,” Jasper murmured. “Then we wouldn’t have to wonder.”

“Don’t even _joke_ – “

Carlisle put a hand on my shaking arm. “Speculation breeds quarreling,” he said, giving Jasper a hard look. “How is Edythe?”

“Crazier than Bella,” I answered. Jasper’s mouth twisted, but he nodded in agreement. Carlisle sighed.

“I’ll go speak to her. Thank you, Jacob. Keep talking to her. And here.” He took a juice box from his pocket and handed it to me. Fucking _irony._ “Make her drink it all.”

He stride out to the front room and asked Asshole to go with him. How was _that_ a good idea? And why was Edythe all chill with a wild vampire here? A year ago she wouldn’t even let Bella near _me_.

“Jessica is a problem,” Jasper said when the door shut. I knew he wasn’t just talking to me.

“What do you usually do?” Embry asked, miserable. I grimaced in sympathy, hoping she hadn’t laid into him too hard. “She thinks there’s a big conspiracy.”

“What’ll it be?” Emmett breathed. “Maybe we’re aliens. No! CIA operatives!”

“Too late,” Jasper went to another room and slammed the door shut, still audible through the wall. “She’s signed her own death warrant.”

“What?” Me and Embry said in unison.

“You wouldn’t,” Embry said darkly. It was weird to talk without looking at everyone. I moved to the end of the hall, leaning against the corner.

“He’s being dramatic,” Alice said, but she didn’t look too happy. “I’ll talk to Jessica.”

“No,” Embry snapped, getting up. He was less used to them than I was. The sheer number of leeches here brought his emotions closer to the surface as he suppressed the instinct to turn. “Just leave her out of it.”

“It’s too late,” Jasper said again. Something else slammed and maybe broke.

“Why does he keep saying that?” Embry exploded. I heard Bella get to her feet, too, padding over and creaking the door open to inspect the raised voices. I handed back the juice box, letting her lean against my arm.

“Bella,” Rosalie said calmly. “What did you say to Jessica?”

She swallowed loudly through the straw. “I said me and Edythe had a fight. Then she asked about…about the bruises. I didn’t have an answer.”

“Right. And then Alice showed up and yanked you away.” Rosalie glared at Alice. “See what I mean?”

Alice threw her hands up. “I was worried about her! I didn’t know Jessica would draw those kinds of conclusions! Edythe had already called Jacob. I couldn’t see!”

“What else was she supposed to think!” Embry cried. “It looks bad!”

“What did _you _tell her?” I asked.

Bella gasped. “You saw her? Today?”

“Hard to miss,” I said. “She was at your place wringing Edythe out for beating you.”

“No,” she whispered in horror.

Embry crossed his arms. “I told her that it was personal, and with you was the best place she could be.”

“And she accepted that?” Emmett snorted. 

“No,” Embry admitted. “Not really.”

“We can bite her, too,” Jasper said, voice muffled like his face was pressed to a pillow. “Bite the whole damn city. Sure the Volturi would love that.”

Bella hadn’t heard, so she was the only one who didn’t react. The vampires all went really still – except Alice, who made an exasperated noise and sat back down.

“What the hell is a Volturi?” Embry grit out.

*****************

The mess and broken glass had both been cleaned, the trash taken out, but no Edythe. Bella sat on the couch and curled in on herself. It was hard - she was supposed to be the chatty one. I had to force her to talk, asking questions about school until she gave me more than a one word answer. Me and Embry did our best to keep things light. He turned on a movie while I hid in the guest room to call Billy and let him yell himself out.

Dr. Fang had already given him and Sam the bare bones of the Victoria situation. Leah and Seth were about to get their first taste of real patrol, since I’d brought Embry with me, and I didn’t envy them. I hoped Sam ran Paul into the ground, and then scolded myself for thinking about Paul at all.

I stared out at the rain, tapping my phone to my chin and thinking. Jasper, like Carlisle, wasn’t usually visibly phased by anything. He didn’t really talk to me at all unless it was about video games.

_Volturi._ They had deflected away from it, going back to the topic of Jessica. Bella had gone all wide-eyed, though. So she definitely knew.

“They had sex,” I whispered, when it was dark out and Embry was snoring on the sagging blow-up mattress in the other room. Bella and I had been laying in her bed for a long time, under the covers and quiet.

“What?” She hissed back, rolling to face me in interest. “_Really?”_

As the night went on, she’d seemed a little more like herself. No matter how much I prodded, she didn’t finish the juice box, but she did keep down her two slices of pizza. It was obvious she didn’t enjoy eating it, despite the healthy amount of pepperoni.

Her hands had stayed firmly wrapped around her middle or hidden under blankets. Maybe she thought I couldn’t feel the shaking through the couch. It wasn’t a cold thing, obviously – I’d been side-to-side with her for over an hour, now, and she was sweating. Still her fingers shook. Like one of those little, scared dogs.

“Yeah,” I said. “As soon as we got away from the leeches I could smell it all over him.”

“Ew,” she laughed. “I thought he said she was mad at him?”

“Oh,” I scoffed. “Don’t be so naive. That just adds flavor.”

I thought she would laugh at that, but she didn’t, wiggling closer until her nose pressed into my bicep. “Good for them.”

“Yeah, he’ll start bragging about it tomorrow, don’t worry.”

Her breathing slowed, and then sped up. When she talked I heard tears. God, she would be big-time dehydrated in the morning. “W-where’s Paul?”

It wasn’t what she was upset about – she was trying to distract herself – but I had an idea.

“It’s a long, fucked-up story.”

“You can still say that, after today?”

I chuckled. “Actually? I think I can. But you have to tell me something first.”

Her fingers wound through mine, fine tremors bleeding over. I squeezed, trying to stop them by force. “What’s that?”

“I don’t understand any of this. Your explanations don’t add up. I think everyone else went easy on you because they’re worried – and I am, too – but _someone_ has to make you talk. You like to beat yourself up about things. It’s not healthy.”

“Jake.” It was almost a whine. “You do that, too, you know.”

“_Ouch._” She giggled wetly. “But I also complain. Loudly and without prejudice.”

“Yeah,” she sighed.

“You knew she was a mind reader, Bells. This is what you signed up for. But,” I turned over, sliding my arm under her head and pressing her into my chest. It was easier for her when I couldn’t see her face, I could tell. “You can tell me. I’ll leave before she gets back. I’ll go all the way back home and just avoid her for all eternity. Don’t laugh, Bells. I will do that for you.”

Her laughter turned to sobs, aborted and _wet_. Ugh. “I love you,” I said into her hair.

When she did talk, it was so garbled and rushed I didn’t even understand.

“Uh, what?”

“If – _hic_ – she wanted forever, she would have – _hic_ – changed me by now.”

I almost asked her to repeat herself, then the meaning sunk in. I didn’t like thinking about it – Bella as one of them. But it would be stupid to think it wasn’t a possibility, someday. “Is that…what you want?”

“It’s not about – _hic _– want. What if – what if what’s happening to me is what I _think_ it is, and she’s _stuck with me._ For_ever_.”

“Bella – what – “ I sighed sharply, trying to hear the things she wasn’t saying. “You didn’t get this from Edythe.”

Her silence was all the answer I needed. “Did…did Victoria say that?”

It would be ridiculous if James hadn’t done the exact same thing. More games. Victoria broke in, threw Bella around, and didn’t _kill_ her. Instead, she wanted to mess with their relationship. Get Bella all confused, make her serve herself up for dinner instead of being hunted. It worked for James, and now Victoria knew exactly how capable Bella was at getting away from us…

“She was…confused. About why Edythe wouldn’t…”

I held her through the next bout of shaking and tears, trying to understand her side of things. We hadn’t discussed this since the once, in March. She said her and Edythe didn’t talk about ‘forever’. It seemed weird, at the time, but I was glad for it. Bella was older than me, but still young. Letting Edythe bite her? Kind of a fucking commitment.

Edythe was a different story. She was such an _adult_ in some ways. Not just in age – everything was always existential and heavy with her. Before saving Bella’s life last year, she’d given me permission to kill her if she failed. One time, I even saw her and Esme look at countertops online for, like, four _hours_.

All the vamps seemed pretty good at picking and stickin’. I didn’t doubt for a second that Edythe was in this for the long run. I saw the way she touched Bella, or even just looked at her.

“I’m sor-_hic-_ry, Jake. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It hurts, and I don’t know how to stop it. I love her so much.”

“I know you do,” I whispered. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“I love you, too.”

“Duh.” I sighed, too comfortable even with the leech smell everywhere. Exhaustion overpowered the disgust. “I should probably get going. She might come back.”

“Don’t go,” she said quickly.

“She’ll know what you told me.”

Bella forcibly slowed her breathing, which was a good sign. “I don’t care. I – don’t go.”

I grinned. _Victory_. “If you insist.”

Her freezing toes pressed against the tops of my feet. They were shaking, too.

*******************

Edythe did come back. Much later, when Bella had fallen into an uneasy sleep. I heard the front door open, and close, and then nothing. Carefully, I disentangled myself from Bella’s limbs. She muttered something that definitely wasn’t English.

“She ate?” Edythe asked, looking at the open box of pizza crusts. She had brought back the smell of cigarettes and Asshole.

“A little,” I shrugged, sitting on the couch. She stood staring at the bedroom door for a long second, then sat next to me.

“His name is Garrett, not Asshole.”

“So what?”

Her eyebrows drew together as I thought about what he’d said. That killing humans was an obligation. She smiled – or tried to. “He didn’t mean that. He’s just rather gifted at finding weak points.”

“Red eyes don’t lie, Edythe. I doubt he got them from charity, like you did.” I pictured her irises after sucking the venom out of Bella.

The faint note of a smile sank away, revealing rough strain and grief. Just like last year, when she found out Bella had run off to James. She turned a little, hands folded in her lap. “Can I tell you a story?”

I picked up a pizza crust, sitting way back and propping my feet up. “Go ahead.” Since I was Mister Therapist tonight.

She didn’t start talking right away, staring blankly at nothing. “The beginning, I think. You know how I died.” I nodded. “Well, Carlisle tried to teach me, in the beginning, to be like him. To value human life even as every part of me demanded that I desecrate it. Tear it open and drink it down.”

I sighed and tossed the crust back in the box, but she didn’t break her rhythm.

“It was…difficult. To find purpose in it. I did love him. There was no way to hate him or what he’d done, when I could so perfectly see how his mind worked. He’d been alone for _so_ long, Jacob. Just trying to help people. To be good. But this life…it’s not something that can be done alone. And our way of life, the animal blood, is even more difficult. Emotions were so intense back then…it was hard to be patient. To wait for the initial blood lust to subside.

“It was ten years before he found Esme. They – obviously – formed a very different sort of relationship. I saw the beginnings of it, and decided to go away for a while. Live on my own. I think it broke his heart, to see me go and know what I was going to do, but he let me. He believed I’d find my way back.”

In spite of myself, I was getting pretty sucked in. She was almost as good at this as Billy – and I wasn’t used to her talking so much around me.

“I was lost,” she said, shrugging. “Carlisle’s God never appealed to me, nor his scriptures and catechisms. The only place I knew to go was back to Chicago. I didn’t expect it to be so different. The people, the city, had hardened. The nation was in the throes of the Depression, and the minds I was surrounded by were dark and hopeless. It didn’t help my state of mind.

“We owned a jewelry shop, my mother and I. After our deaths, I assumed it had been taken over by the bank, maybe sold into new hands that would take care of it. By the time I found it, it was derelict. Empty. Everything was coated in dust and grime…just vacant. I was standing outside the window when I heard it.

“A mind that was…beyond reproach. Beyond redemption. I won’t repeat some of the things I – “ She stopped, frowning into the distance. “Not that I think that justifies murder. Not now, anyway. But I did it, Jacob. Almost without thinking. I ripped his throat out and tasted human blood for the first time.”

I sucked on my teeth, looking at the ceiling. I’d never tasted blood, except my own. But I’d never forget the way James had tasted – it wasn’t blood, exactly, but when my fangs ripped through his stone body there had been a stinging, burning liquid from his insides. It tasted like poison. My wolf body knew to spit it out, not swallow any.

“There were so many people like that one. Men, mostly, that liked hurting others. I thought I was protecting the world from evil, even if it meant adding a little of my own. It felt better than doing nothing, anyway. I became a ghoul. I sat in the dark during the day and stalked the nights, trying to think as little as possible. It was at my lowest point that I met Garrett.

“I had come across a few other vampires in my travels. None of them tried to talk to me, past brief introductions or suspicious questions. We’re fairly territorial as a species. And their minds were…unsophisticated. Garrett wasn’t like that. He was a friend. In the truest sense. It wasn’t the paternal connection I had with Carlisle. It certainly wasn’t romantic. But…I liked him. His mind was bright, lively. The antithesis of who I was – “

The anti-_what_ now?

“Sorry,” she murmured, glancing over like she forgot I was there. “He shocked me out of my stupor. So to speak. I think I shocked him, too, when I asked him to kill me.”

“_What?”_

“Yes.” She worked her jaw. “I couldn’t kill myself, and nothing else in the natural world would do it – that I knew of. I didn’t know yet that your ancestors were out there. Garrett refused. He was angry with me…but he couldn’t lie. I saw exactly what he didn’t want me to know. The Volturi.”

That word again. It sounded like some really shitty metal band.

“I know. It is ridiculous.” She took a throw pillow and wrapped her arms around it. “A coven, in Italy. They’re old, powerful. The best description would be…our royalty.”

“Royalty,” I scoffed, but then I was kind of worried, too. Our legends said that bloodsuckers were nomadic. “You mean there’s, like, organized society?”

“Very organized,” she nodded. “But that’s beside the point for now. What you should know about them is that they enforce the rules.”

“You have _rules_?” She hadn’t moved, but I was sitting up, now, leaning forward.

“I stayed with them for a while. After I found Carlisle again, he took me to them. They – they’re on good terms. He wanted me to see what they were like, so I could understand…”

“Understand what?”

“They know everything that happens. They have people that scout, most of them are older than Carlisle… and I thought that they’d seen everything.” She shook her head. “I think I was wrong. I think we’ve found something new.”

I waited, all the new information kind of leaving me speechless. We’d always thought vampires were just abominations, a sickness. The idea that they had entire _societies_ was a little shocking. And terrifying.

Edythe stood and raked her fingers through her hair, pulling some of it out of her ponytail.

“You should be scared,” she whispered. When she looked at me, I could see some fear in her eyes, too. “When Victoria broke into our apartment – I knew she must have said something.“

“About James’ venom.” I rolled my eyes.

Edythe schooled her expression into something blank and cold, but her eyes were suddenly burning. “It’s true.”

“What.”

“I just spoke to Carlisle.”

“He said he wouldn’t know until the morning – “

“He lied.” She frowned. “The results are preliminary, but they told him where to look.”

“Edythe.”

“Trace amounts,” she whispered. “Anything else would have faded, been erased by her immune system. But it’s still there. After a year.”

I took a breath, hands shaking. So Bella wasn’t crazy – that was a relief. “Will she…?”

Edythe’s face crumpled, and she looked so vulnerable that I almost wanted to _hug_ her or something. When she wasn’t so stoic and vampire-y she actually looked like a teenage girl.

“He thinks… her immune system, Jacob. He thinks it’s being destroyed.”

“_How?!_ Can’t – can’t you stop it?”

“It’s too late.” She clenched her hands into fists. “It’s too _late!_ You can’t treat this with medicine!”

“Blood transfusions!” I spat, throwing my hands up. “Fucking – I don’t know! Figure it out! You’re telling me she has bloodsucker _cancer_ and you can’t do anything about it?”

“There is one thing.” Bleak dread. “We can find Victoria. And ask.”

Bella was right. Bella was _right._ Bella was…hm.

Edythe looked at me.

“What – “ I swallowed, pieces connecting. “What did you say earlier? About…emotions being intense?” She blinked once. “Jasper said she was having…” I couldn’t remember the word, standing and snapping my fingers.

“Rage spells,” Edythe supplied.

“That! And today, she _literally_ couldn’t stop crying.”

Her cat eyes moved to the side, and then up at me. “She’s human, Jacob. Those are human emotions.”

“You think it’s normal for Bella – _Bella_ – to throw a mug at someone’s head? Maybe the raw meat thing was coming – she does usually eat like a bird – but you can’t explain that.”

“Jacob – “

“I was thinking about it when you came in – the other thing Victoria said. Bella’s terrified you’ll _dump_ her! It’s too much going on at once. That must be it. You just need to tell her – “

“I can’t,” Edythe snarled. “I can’t do this _and _keep myself together enough to – “

“You know what she said to me. Why can’t you go in there right now and tell her how you feel? Why have you never said it _before_?”

All her anger broke like a wave against weathered rock. Her shoulders sagged. “I can’t…_push_ that on her right now. You weren’t here last night. You don’t know what she said to me.”

“She doesn’t even remember last night.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“Edythe.” I tried to keep my thoughts from running ahead of my mouth. “What would you do if she died?”

I knew I surprised her, because she didn’t have a chance to control her expression. It made me shiver.

“Or – if she’s still human, what will you do _when_ she dies?” She flinched. Why couldn’t she just admit to Bella what was so obvious to me? Why was Bella too pigheaded to see it for herself? Why was_ I _in the middle? “Ask Garrett to kill you again? Hope he changes his mind this time?”

“I won’t have to,” she said. “The Volturi are coming here.”

I felt myself shake my head like a cartoon dog. “What?”

“Those rules?” She raised an eyebrow. “We’re breaking almost all of them. Humans knowing about us isn’t allowed. Your kind are not tolerated.”

“My_ kind?”_

“Shapeshifters.” She waved my many questions away. “They’re coming, Jacob. Every last one as powerful as me or Alice. The only question is when.”

It clicked - why Bella had been so upset to see me here. She knew. She would have kept me out of this the _entire_ time if she could. “Why – “

“Be afraid, Jacob,” she said, stepping into my space. “What’s happening to Bella is new. What they don’t know, they destroy.”

I was much, much more scared of what she was saying than I wanted to let on. Grasping at straws, just to play devil’s advocate, I remembered what Jasper said about turning her. Edythe’s left eyelid twitched.

“Jasper’s the one grasping at straws. It’s not an option.”

Her confidence in that soothed me. “What else did Carlisle say?”

“He’s running more tests. Time will tell.”

“What about Jessica? She’ll be back.”

“Jessica,” she sighed, tilting her head up. “Is persistent, yes. But she doesn’t know the truth. That will save her, if we’re lucky.”

“You mean…?”

“It would be easier to let her believe that I’m a horrific abuser.” She turned back to me, shrugging like it didn’t tear her apart just to say the words. “It’s what she wants to believe. Bella can tell her I moved back to Forks. Alice will play the mediator. Problem solved. We’ve been there before, when humans notice too much.”

“Bella would _never_ go along with that,” I snapped. Her expression soured. “And neither will I. But you _are _hurting her, and I didn’t come up here to help you do it.”

“What do you suggest?”

There were too many fucking things to choose from – where to begin. “I have half an idea.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” she snapped, seeing the plan shape itself.

“I think it’s really up to Bella.”


	8. Nighthawks

“She’s not sick,” I whispered into the receiver, just to confirm. Garrett dawdled beside me on the rooftop, pretending to watch dawn break over the skyline. That was where I fixed my eyes, too.

“The venom _is_ the sickness,” Carlisle said. I could hear the notes of frustration and regret, even if he was too far for me to read his mind. Frustration that he could be so blindsided by this, and regret at not seeing it sooner. “Pains in the wrists and ankles, tremors of the extremities…you know what it sounds like.”

“How – ?” My voice betrayed me. I cut myself off, pressing my lips tightly together.

“I’m seeing venom cells. _Cells_, Edythe. Not a flood of transformation, but distinct individuals. It’s difficult to know what they’re doing, though early this morning I watched a T cell make contact with one of the venom-infected cells. It was transformed. It was the _only_ thing that changed. It’s _not_ spreading through contact with red blood corpuscles. At least, not as quickly as we’ve come to expect.

“You know I monitored Rosalie very closely. A bite to the inner arm introduced my venom to the blood stream. Fast action, as we now know, could reverse that. But Edythe…there was a nick. In her wrist bone. You remember.”

I thought back, picturing Bella’s x-rays with perfect clarity. The smallest of indentations. From James’ tooth, we thought. It healed over within a week. “What are you saying?”

He talked quickly. The medical lingo was difficult to interpret without the context his mind usually provided, but I understood. Venom, introduced to the bone tissue, infecting the marrow. Not a rapid invasion, but a creeping coup.

“It’s only a theory, Edythe,” he said gently, worried by my silence. “Repeat her symptoms to me.”

“Muscle aches. Loss of appetite. Vomiting.”

“And headaches. Good.” A pause. I heard computer keys. “It’s happening so slowly, in this sample…”

“What are T cells?” I mumbled.

“Apologies,” he said. “I’m used to having you here. Allow me to backpedal a bit…Those symptoms you listed? They indicate innate immune system response to Type A influenza.” I inhaled. “Yes. The body responds to flu infection in focused reactions following the lungs and respiratory tract. Secondary to that is the adaptive immune system response, when the body produces and releases T cells. Those would attack the influenza virion, creating unique adaptive molecules to guard against future infection. In a healthy individual, this is when Bella’s current symptoms would pile onto the sinus and respiratory irritation.

“I took blood from her left arm yesterday. From the right, I guarantee there would be more of the venomized cells. The hospital didn’t take blood when she came in for the flu, so I’m less than certain, but… she could still have it. The T cells, venom or not, are designed to attack infection. And flu could have gathered on any of her organs.”

“Could you speak plainly?” Garrett called. Carlisle sighed away from the receiver.

“No, frankly, I can’t. Not without a biopsy.”

“Venom transforms everything,” I whispered, feeling the truth of it slipping away from us. “In three days. Sometimes less.”

“Yes. Introduced to the bloodstream in a great quantity, yes. But one singular cell? Even… ten thousand? If the venom is only in her arm, and the T cells produced from that arm attacked the flu infection _only_, there could be venomized flu bacteria all over her body, and her immune system would have to produce more T cells to compensate. She felt better, and now it's getting worse. Because antibiotics she took would have come in after the fact, completely ineffective against any venomized cell.

“It’s a chain reaction, Edythe. And if she were to get sick? A cold, another bout of flu, even a bacterial infection from, let’s say, raw beef consumption? I _can’t say _if the venom would help her or make things much, much worse. Without her immune system at full capacity…”

It was all conjecture. He could study venom, as he'd attempted after biting Rosalie and Emmett, but after the first stages of the change it became impossible to see inside the skin. Carlisle didn’t know how it affected the organs, the bones. All we knew was that it should have happened within three days, and Bella should be in a lot more pain.

“If you had to project – “ I started.

“If she can’t keep her food down, or her body doesn’t respond to it, then it will start consuming its own amino acids to sustain glucose homeostasis. Amino acids come from skeletal muscle – possibly already infected with venom. Before that, though, malnutrition will have already suppressed her immune system even further. Things will worsen within the week. At the outset, a month or two. That's only if she keeps eating.”

His tone made it clear enough. A sickness would run, unimpeded, until it ravaged the parts of her that were still human. And any hospital would take one look and have her shipped off to the CDC. There was only one doctor in the world who could possibly help, and she had refused to let him.

“She’s dying.”

“I can’t even say that much. There’s no way to know, and there’s no way to forcibly bring her into the hospital without her father’s consent.” He was very irritated with Bella for refusing to come to Forks. Almost as much as me.

“Anything else?”

“…Yes. Just one moment!” He called, as someone knocked on his office door. “Circumstantial evidence, if you will; the influenza causes slight inflammation of the brain. Bella’s case was caught early on, but it is worth noting that the affected chemicals are dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin.”

“I don’t – “

“Mood regulation. Pleasure, arousal, alertness, among other things. Does that…?”

I nodded stiffly. “She told Jacob she was experiencing…lapses in memory, but I didn’t think…” It felt silly, now, to deny it. “Her brain is inflamed?”

“If her body remains infected, frozen in adaptive response, then it’s possible. Or…”

“Or she’s acting like a newborn,” Garrett finished. “Irrational. Out of control.” _Hungry, and getting hungrier._

“It’s where the pain is always worst,” Carlisle said. “Two migraines, scattered headaches…it's incredibly slow, but maybe, Edythe. Maybe.”

It had been ten seconds since the knock. “I have to go,” he said. “Keep your head, my love. Find something she can eat.”

“Carlisle – “

“Not that. Not yet.”

“Okay,” I whispered. He ended the call. I sat there, crouched on the edge of the roof with the phone to my ear, until Garrett pulled it from my hand.

“So. That plan the wolf-boy was talking about?”

I looked South as the wind pushed our hair back. The top of our building was visible – after some focusing I could hear Jacob’s snoring. Victoria’s scent was still strong on this rooftop, a single bloody handprint on the ledge in front of me, smudged from someone vaulting themselves over it.

“She’ll do it,” I said, long resigned to that fact. “I’ll tell her tomorrow.”

He harrumphed at my expression. _Remind me never to fall in love._

I forced a smile, feeling it crack over my frozen face. It had been too long since I held her. Nearly two days. “It really is incredible, Garrett. When no one’s trying to kill her, that is.”

“Tell me about it,” he requested, eyes soft. _Tell me about happier times than this._

I was sure I wouldn’t be able to – that even a word about it would be the end of my tenuous composure. Instead, the words welled up like blood from a fresh wound. “Let’s see,” I hummed. “Well, as if I wasn’t danger enough, within a week of knowing me she nearly got smashed by a van…”

****************

Rosalie followed me around campus – or so I assumed. I went through all the usual motions and oscillated between going looking for Jessica and putting it off for another day. At least I’d gotten my shifts covered for most of the week. Angela was there, in Chemistry, but it wouldn’t be too hard to slip away in the rush to get out.

“Oh, no you _don’t_,” a voice said, yanking me out of the tide as I entered the hallway, set on scurrying straight to the stairs. It was both of them; an ambush. Angela looked more worried than angry, but then she almost never looked angry.

“I want an explanation, Bella,” Jessica hissed. “And I want it now.”

Being with Jacob had helped a lot. Mentally, anyway. I no longer felt like I was bleeding out on the edge of an emotional cliff. Everything still hurt, and Edythe was definitely avoiding me – maybe forever – but I was as numbed to that pain as I could be. I hadn't even cried yet that day.

Physically, I had already thrown up both eggs and coffee that morning. My knees felt weak, my head pounded, and it was shockingly hard to focus on any of my lectures for more than a minute at a time.

“Jessica said you and Edythe fought?” Angela put a hand on my arm, gently guiding us to a quieter spot of hall and lowering her voice. “Bruises, Bella?”

I closed my eyes for two long seconds. It was crucial that Jessica did not keep prying. Rosalie made sure I knew that before sending me off into class that morning. I was used to trying to learn the secrets, not protect them from outsiders. Edythe’s approach, way back when, had been to gaslight me into thinking I was going nuts. _Sorry, Jessica, you didn’t see any bruises on my arms. You’re the crazy one._

“Edythe did not give me those bruises,” I said anyway. Angela believed it, but Jess’ eyes narrowed. “It was – “ I cast my eyes around, trying to look embarrassed. “At the party Friday night. This guy sort of…you know. Grabbed me.”

Angela put her hand over her mouth.

“Who was it?” Jessica asked, eyes falling to my throat to search the marks out. I’d worn a turtleneck. “I knew, like, everyone there.”

“I didn’t see his face. It happened so fast, and I just…wanted to go home after that.” I squirmed, feeling gross telling this kind of lie. It was the only thing I could think of that was semi-believable. That a big, strong guy had attacked me, instead of a frail little girl with red eyes.

“Oh, my God, Bella.” Angela stepped closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I leaned into it, glancing at Jessica.

“That’s what you fought about?” She asked skeptically. “You said you and Edythe fought.”

“Jess…”

“No, Angela! She was a _mess_ the other night and she didn’t explain anything!”

“It’s okay,” I said, squeezing Angela’s hand. “I do need to explain.” Jessica set her hip. “When Edythe found out what happened, she was mad. Really mad.”

“At you?”

“No. Of – of course not. Um. She was being all protective and pushy – “

“Pushy how?” Angela asked softly.

“She wanted me to report it. To the…police.” That worked. Carlisle had been acting kind of police-y.

Angela made a noise of sympathy. “And you didn’t want to? That was worth fighting over?”

“I was the one who started it, really,” I said, less intent on making up euphemisms now. The truth was just as good as anything. “I, um, said she didn’t respect my decisions.”

The only lie there was that I hadn’t said it – I’d screamed it. “It came up again this weekend, and, um, I told her…” To stop interfering in my life just because she felt guilty. “Some pretty nasty things.”

“Oh,” Angela pulled me into a real hug. Her cheek was warm against my ear. She smelled like almonds and chocolate. “What happened to you is terrible, Bella. She shouldn’t have pushed you to call the police if you weren’t comfortable with it. Did she apologize?”

“Um.”

_Fine, Bella! I’ll never speak to you again if that’s what you want! Just let me take you to Carlisle!_

_I’m not going! _

_You _are._ If I have to drag you out of this city on my own two – _

And then I’d thrown something. Something that shattered. It was a hazy, panicked memory.

“Yeah. I – I think we got it out of our system.” Wishful thinking. I turned my face into the embrace, seeking whatever comfort I could, and then Angela didn’t smell like chocolate anymore.

Olfactory nerve – I smelled it, so a little part of me could taste it, too. I stumbled away from her, wiping my eyes. A shock bomb of horror went off, deep in my chest.

“Ang, weren’t you supposed to meet Ben?” Jessica said.

“Ben can wait.”

Jessica gave me a look, but I stared down at the floor, carefully controlling my breaths so I wouldn’t start hyperventilating.

“It’s fine, Ang, really,” I managed. _I'm not safe to be around._ “I’ve gotta get going.”

She sighed heavily. “I’ll call you, okay? We could work on Chem tomorrow?”

“Maybe,” I said. She turned to go, flashing Jessica a seldom seen Ang-glare.

Jessica waited a second, looking around to see if anyone was nearby. I braced myself as she stepped closer, but only smelled her perfume. “She’s a softie, but you’re gonna have to try a little harder with me, Bella.”

“What are you trying to prove?” I asked, tired beyond belief. “You know Edythe wouldn’t – “

“Look, I believe that part, okay?” She brushed her hair behind her ears. “I just – if I didn’t know you so well, I’d think you were…_on _something. I know this girl in Alpha Chi Omega who was doing coke at a party and it got way out of hand – “

“Okay – I’m _not _on coke!” I blustered, forgetting for a second what I was supposed to be doing.

“I _know_ that! But you weren’t making any sense! If Angela hadn’t gone home this weekend I think she would have had a _heart_ attack!” I tried to interrupt, but she shook her head violently. “And Alice just came to _collect_you. I love her – you know I do – but it was off. Now Jake and Embry are here? Edythe is…I don’t even _know. _Everyone’s acting like – like your handlers or something!”

My headache surged. She was right on the money with that one. “I don’t need you to worry about me. I’m fine.” I tried my best to look angry, trying to deescalate this into some normal friend fight. “Worry about getting into Embry’s pants again.”

I guess it didn’t come off mean enough – a change, for me – because she followed me as I stalked off. I thought I could hear the joints of my knees clacking. “Did he tell you that?”

“No.”

“Oh, my God! He _told _you,” she growled. “It wasn’t like that, Bella. I swear – I-I was yelling at him about – “

“I don’t _care,_ Jessica.”

“Bella!” She called, but she slowed down. I left her behind on the front steps.

Rosalie was there as I crossed the street. “Good job,” she said sadly. We walked to the bus in silence.

“Are you hungry?” She asked on the subway.

“No,” I lied. I’d brushed my teeth twice but still tasted bile. My stomach was empty, my head spinning, but food didn’t sound good at all. Rosalie watched me out of the corner of her eye.

“My mother used to give me ginger tea before bed,” she said. I raised my eyebrows. “Just a splash of bourbon. And my grandmother…if she saw me looking under the weather, she’d give me an oatmeal bath and make me hold teabags under my eyes. For the swelling.”

Rosalie didn’t talk about herself very often. Out of everyone, she was the most distant from me. Not by design, I didn't think. We just didn't click. Though I definitely had received the impression on multiple occasions that Edythe preferred it that way.

“I don’t think that would help. But…thank you.”

She smiled, looking so exotic and angelic I was sure she'd never done something so base as get _sick._ As we walked, she made small talk about the weather. And she didn't follow me into my building.

“Is she here?” I whispered, hovering in the door.

“Yes.” She put her hands in her pockets, glancing up. “She wants to talk about the plan for tonight."

“Plan?”

“Jacob’s idea.”

“What do you mean?” Had they done something already? While I was at school? “Where is he?”

“Don’t worry,” she smiled. “He’s up there, too.”

It was a long slog up to the apartment. I pulled my hands from my pockets to check if they were still shaking. Yep. What could I say to her? How did I apologize for what I did? I would have stopped and tried to collect myself, but she’d hear that.

She was in the kitchen, the source of the wonderful smells on a plate by the stove. I didn’t see Jacob or Embry, but the guest room door was closed and I heard a tense conversation going on.

I set my bag down by the couch and walked forward. Her back was to me, sizzling and popping noises rising in volume as she swished the pan around and slid the third slab of stake on top of the other two. I’d never felt more like Charlie’s daughter than just then – my mouth filled with saliva.

She stuck a metal pin with a thermometer in and turned around, crossing her arms in front of her chest. I looked between her and the meat for a long second before my brain remembered what I was supposed to do.

I took a deep breath. “I’m so- “

“Don’t."

It surprised me. Edythe always held her anger in her arms and jaw, in quiet and moody scowling. Not usually with words. Panic clawed up my chest a the emptiness behind her eyes.

“Are you in pain?” She looked down to my trembling hands. “And don’t lie.”

“My head,” I said, voice cracking. “Um, my legs.” And my stomach, now, but that only started when I walked into the room. I felt like a mannequin with all its limbs unscrewed, ready to fall off at the slightest provocation.

The meat thermometer disappeared in a flash of movement and she stepped away. “Eat.”

_Yes. _I stepped closer to the plate, inhaling. Buttery and salty. I stabbed the one on top with a fork and cut into it, the sawing sound thick and moist. The eggs had smelled like eggs, the coffee sour and burned. There was something _more_ to this. More, but not perfect. It tasted _more_, as well. Flavor burst over my tongue where the eggs and pizza had only sat. The outside was hard and cooked; the middle soft and pungent.

“We’re going to find Victoria,” Edythe said, when my mouth was full. “Tonight.”

My ravenous chewing slowed down for a second. “What?”

“If you want. You really believe she won’t harm you?”

I nodded.

Edythe pondered that. “Carlisle has a theory,” she said, really quiet. “That Victoria was right about you.”

I looked up from the empty plate (when had I finished?). "What?"

She didn’t look happy, or sad, or even anything in between. “Venom. Spreading through you via your immune system. He thinks your bout of flu this summer sped up the process.”

I tried to let the words sink in before I reacted. Was I shocked? It was everything I had been afraid of, all this time. What worried me more was Edythe’s flat tone. She wasn’t panicking…like a punch, I felt the tears well up and spill over all at once.

“The only one who knew what to expect was Victoria," Edythe said without a single change to her expression. So, we’re going to reach out to her. If you’re amenable.”

_Why are you talking to me like that? _“What’s going to happen to me? Am I – Am I – “

“Je_sus_,” Jacob exclaimed, throwing the door open. “You’re crying a_gain?”_

I wiped hurriedly at my eyes. Jacob. He came into the kitchen, angry but not looking at me any differently. Not yet, anyway.

“Those were for us, too!” He said, frowning accusingly at the plate. I heard the couch complain as Embry fell onto it. “You better not throw it up. What a waste.”

I dragged my sleeve over my eyes, relieved he was acting normal, even if it was all for my sake. “I won’t.”

It was true. Already I knew it was settling where the other food hadn’t. I was far from full, though, my mouth still salivating for more. Three steaks. I only ever ate half my burger at the diner back home.

“Jacob,” Edythe said, walking away. “Tell her.”

*************

Of course Bella would agree to it – she loved putting herself in danger. But the plan was her with _me._ Not the Asshole.

“Don’t you think it’d be better to send her with someone who _hasn’t_ tried actively hunting Victoria?” Emmett reasoned when I complained.

Embry was still sulking about Sam’s order to go home. Edythe was catatonic and trying not to let it show – and Asshole was _grinning _at me. Yup, there was no backup for me here.

“Besides," Emmett said. "What are you gonna do? Wolf out in the middle of Freemont?”

“Alice,” Bella complained, walking out of her bedroom in five million layers of clothing. Alice shoved a knit cap over her head, making her look more like a stuffed animal than anything. “It’s not even that cold out.”

“Can’t risk you getting sick.” Alice’s sparky, short hair was all messed up, her eyes unusually free of makeup. None of her movements were remotely human, and she had a permanent frown on her face. She zoomed away and back in a second, throwing a blanket over Bella’s shoulders.

Emmett laughed at her. “Bella, you ever seen that episode of _Twilight Zone_ where that goblin is on the plane wing?”

"Quit." Her face was all flushed – it had to be hot under there – but at least she wasn’t crying.

“Tell them this is ridiculous,” I begged, but she just glanced at Asshole and shrugged, wrapping the blanket tight around her.

“It was your idea, Jake. I’d rather you were safe.”

“Fuck off. I don’t need _you_ keeping me safe.”

“Now, now, wolf-boy,” Asshole said, slinging an arm over Bella’s shoulders. “Bella and I are going to have an absolute ball together.”

If anyone else were touching Bella like that - even me, probably - Edythe would have a big pouty frown. But she was just completely fine with _this_ guy sleazing all over her? I threw her a glare where she was sulking against the wall.

"It's midnight," Alice noted, also turning to Edythe. "Good a time as any."

"I'm ready," Bella said, taking a breath and nodding. Asshole turned toward the wall, and then that was everyone in the room looking at Edythe. Except Bella.

The pressure of everyone's thoughts broke her out of her trance. "Bella," she said tightly. Bella turned her head, eyes wide and hopeful. "Don't do anything stupid."

Alice sighed, Rosalie's mouth went all pinched, and Asshole smirked. "I'll do my best," Bella muttered, clearly disappointed.

We all were. I wanted to shake the both. _What are you doing?_

Edythe closed her eyes. "Three hours."

"Right-o," Asshole grinned, holding his arms out. Bella gave him a very hesitant nod, then the two of them disappeared in a flash. Rosalie pushed the window down behind them.

_You didn’t even hug her goodbye_, I thought to Edythe, incensed. _What if something – _

“Be quiet, Jacob,” she snapped, in her most annoying _I'm much older than you_ voice. Emmett gave me a look that said not to push it.

I paced, for a while, but it was too quiet. It _was_ my idea, and I had faith in it, but I hadn’t planned on just standing around waiting while it went down. It wasn’t my strong suit.

Not even Emmett piped up to try and make a joke. Edythe had crouched down against the wall, holding her face in her hands, Jasper watching her with an upset frown. Alice and Rosalie stared out the window. Embry and I were the only ones breathing. My own heartbeat was too loud. A clock in another room ticked _every_ second.

Once, Edythe made a sharp, scary growling noise, without any visible reason. I hadn’t thought anything too pointed, so I looked around for the culprit. Rosalie turned her head to glare at Edythe’s back, and then there was another sound. Edythe pressed her palms into her eyes.

“I’m going outside,” I announced. No one answered.

It was late as hell, and that meant something totally different in Seattle. Alice’s street wasn’t so loud, but at either side of the block people streamed by in various states of sobriety. Voices and cars and bus horns. The squeaky brakes wreaked havoc on my hearing.

I used the last of Esme’s money to buy cigarettes, only feeling a little guilty. It would be a while before anything happened. Embry would get restless, eventually, and come looking for me, but until then that apartment would be a crypt. Edythe might snap if I pushed a little more, but even that had lost its appeal.

My new lighter blazed at the end of the cigarette until smoke burned my throat. Alice’s massive building, I noticed, didn’t have any kind of fire escape or balconies. Garrett must have jumped straight to the next tower over, past about a hundred windows. How did people not see that shit?

My phone rang. I felt it ring against my thigh twice before giving up and fishing it out of my pocket. “Hello?” I said, hoping my tone made it clear I wasn’t in the mood to talk.

“Hey.” Paul sounded breathless.

I had wanted to call him about a hundred times that day, but stopped myself. “What do you want?”

He took a breath. “I’m here.”

“You’re – “ I stopped under a tree, listening to some people on the other side of the little porch fence have an argument. Yep, I could definitely understand them, but Paul had just spoken in complete gibberish. “What – ?”

“I’m at… Well, I think I am. I followed the address Billy gave me. It’s, uh, 6th Avenue and – “

“Stewart,” I finished, turning onto that very street. I could see Bella’s building, short and small compared to the rest. I threw the cigarette into the nearest trashcan and broke into a jog, ignoring the startled looks of people jumping out of my way. Two intersections honked at me, and then I was running through the public parking lot behind the building, to the section reserved for residents.

He had my bike parked behind Bella’s truck. It switched off when he saw me, and he climbed off and hung the helmet on the handlebars.

“I heard about Bella – “ He started, before I crashed into him at full speed.

Even with Embry there with me, I didn’t realize how alone I felt. Now Paul was here. Bella was still possibly in mortal danger – not to mention the rest of her issues – but I’d given up control of that situation. Evil super-vampires were still coming to burn Seattle to the ground, or something to that effect. But _Paul _was here. He’d come to _me_, for once.

I felt his surprise through the kiss, then his relief. “You don’t have a license,” I pointed out, diving back in as soon as the words were out. “And where’d you get the helmet?”

“Um.” He looked caught-off guard, hair windblown and mouth red from mine. “Old Quil had one.”

“_Old Quil?_ He used to ride?” I kissed him before hearing an answer, feeling his back bend as I closed him in against the bike. He moaned low in his throat, and then pulled away.

“Ugh.” He looked at his hands were they had clamped down on Emmett’s jacket collar.

“I know. Get used to it.” I didn’t know if my sense of smell would ever recover from this kind of leech exposure. “Did Sam send you here?”

He looked angry, then hesitant, clenching his jaw and pushing me back so he could stand up straight. “No. I didn’t tell him.”

_That_ was gonna be a fun conversation.

“I should have been here the whole time,” he muttered, glancing up. “Besides, I don’t answer to Sam.”

“You don’t answer to me, either.”

He exhaled, raising his shoulders in a shrug. “Maybe I do.” He shook his head, kissing me when I tried to argue. “I do. Not the wolf stuff – everything else. I can’t stop thinking about you. Worrying.” He swallowed, adding reluctantly, “Wondering if you were gonna find some stupid city hipster to obsess over.

I pretended to think it over, about to explode from happiness. “I haven’t had time to look at any hipsters.”

He smacked my arm light-heartedly, his smile rueful. “How is she?”

“Right now?” I grimaced, remembering that the rest of the world existed. “Dangling on a hook.”

“What?”

“Come on.” I put one hand on the bike. “We’ll have to put this in Bella’s trunk. …You didn’t even bring a bag?”

********************

It had been suspiciously…not _easy_, exactly, but suspiciously _possible_ for me to go along with Jacob’s plan. As soon as Garrett’s feet left the windowsill I realized why. I’d been thinking about the result before the actual trial. His mind faded out of focus, and they were gone. I wouldn’t see her until, hopefully, they had talked to Victoria.

_How could you?_ My brain pleaded at me, in a voice uncomfortably like Jacob’s. _Garrett won’t hurt her, but he doesn’t _understand._ He’s never felt like this about anyone. He doesn’t understand what this will do to you, if it goes wrong._

Everything else fell away, which was, in a way, what I needed. It was clearer. And more painful. The things I had to say weren’t simple, or entirely kind, but she would have to hear them. I would make her understand.

When she got back.

Embry was very indecisive, hovering between texting Jessica and blocking her number. Ignoring two calls had taken a lot out of him. I knew there would be more. Jessica had always been just a touch too suspicious of us. Now her doubt had taken hold, and no matter what Bella said to her she would be looking for the weak link. Embry.

Not a bad choice. As I was all too aware, infatuation makes people weak.

Jasper was also between paths. He wanted to bolt. He'd wanted it since Garrett arrived, but tonight his own unease was amplified. Echoed by all of ours. He was a remnant of what the Volturi had worked so hard to eradicate in the South, and they wouldn't be happy to see him. The problem, for Jasper, was that Alice would never leave. He felt trapped. 

It was a small relief when Jacob left. I didn't need his guilt, or his blame. There was plenty of my own to worry about.

Bella had been gone for less than an hour. I sat on the floor and counted the seconds by Embry’s heartbeat, steadfastly ignoring the mutiny my siblings were silently planning against me.

*********************

It _was_ cold, but an hour of mortal terror jumping around the city on Garrett’s back had left me sweaty and terrified, heat sticking under all the layers.

I’d chickened out almost immediately and shrieked for him to stop. “Oh, but the fear leaves a better trail,” he yelled over his shoulder, sailing through empty space.

The sheer speed boggled my mind, even though I was fully aware of how fast vampires could be. All I could do was shut my eyes tight and bury my face in his shoulder. Even if I didn’t like him, he _did_ smell good and it was distracting. I held on so tightly my arms and legs had gone numb. Several times gravity did funny things and I would scream at the top of my lungs, thinking he’d dropped me. It was only the next jolt that told me we’d safely landed on yet another rooftop.

Finally, we stopped. Garrett set me down without asking, laughing when I stumbled on unsteady legs. The roof was high enough for my head and stomach to spin when I looked over the side. “Where are we?” I asked.

“Hmm…” he leaned over, looking down at the cars. “Third Avenue. Cherry Street.”

“That’s _it?_” I turned around. Yep, there was the Millennium Tower, rising up into the fog. About a fifteen minute walk from my apartment. We had been jumping around for what felt like hours. I thought I’d hated it when it was just me and Edythe, zipping around the Park scaling trees or climbing mountains in an afternoon. Doing it in the city was somehow much worse. There had to be cameras or _something_.

“Well, I wanted to weave a wide enough web. Best be thorough so our dear Edythe doesn’t implode prematurely.”

I ignored him and sat on a metal rectangle a safe distance from the ledge. Busses and cars passed below, police sirens chirping somewhere in the distance. This building was big. The roof spanned in front of us for what looked like an entire block.

“We’re near the water, here,” Garrett said. The British accent had grown thicker since I met him at the bar. He probably usually tried to suppress it, leaving just enough mystery to reel in unsuspecting young women. “She’ll feel safer where she can escape quickly.”

Getting here had been so traumatic I had to regroup before I could properly worry about what would happen if Victoria actually _did_ show up. Would Garrett’s red eyes put her at ease, or did he smell too much like Edythe’s family? I would hate to think I willingly put myself in Garrett’s company for so long for nothing. I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders as wind ripped over the roof, making a hollow sound against the metal and brick.

“Your stoic tendencies are charming,” Garrett said. He’d been pacing around the edge, looking around at the noises I couldn’t hear. “And apropos. Some might use this time for something so banal as conversation.”

I swallowed. His eyes were hidden in the shadowy sea of the rooftops. Already shades darker than the day he’d arrived. “What for? I’m not going anywhere, and the bars will be closing soon. Go grab a _bite_.”

His laugh was surprised. “So it’s my diet you oppose so strongly. I’m relieved it wasn’t… _just_ my personality.”

“It’s all of it,” I grit out. “But, yeah, mostly the murder.”

“Murder,” he hummed, close to my ear. I didn’t flinch as he appeared behind me, and I didn’t give him the satisfaction of turning. “You _do_ know how your lover and I met?”

I bit my tongue, staring out at the sliver of black past the buildings that I knew was the ocean. Edythe had killed people. Of course I knew that. I also knew that she killed killers, and worse, because she had the precise equipment necessary to see exactly what they had done.

But, no. She hadn’t told me how they met. And I wasn’t so sure Edythe was my _lover_ anymore.

“I see,” he murmured, as if he could divine anything from my expression. He strolled around me in a circle, arms behind his back. “I did enjoy her philosophical phases. Would it change your mind to know I follow her lead in that respect? To my best abilities, that is. _I_ can’t read minds. I can’t do much of anything, except bartend and…well, I have taken up running recently.”

“Ha,” I said.

“That’s why the Volturi had no use for me.”

He smiled when I looked up, having finally caught my interest. “I made my pilgrimage to Italy in – oh, when was it? Some sort of revolution was going on. I think they lost. Well, I wasn’t planning on offering my services, but it does do to make introductions. Carlisle had just left, so I unfortunately didn’t – “

“Left?” I asked.

He made a face, rolling back on his heels. “Do they deliberately keep things from you? Or do you not ask the right questions?”

I didn’t have an answer for him.

“He stayed with them for a while,” Garrett finally informed me. “They were quite charmed by his eccentric…morality…but thirst for knowledge was the only thing they shared, if you understand my meaning.” He paused, waiting for me to respond. “Aren’t you going to ask how old I am?”

Twenty five, I guessed. Thirty at the most. But that wasn’t what he was asking.

“What are you…fifteen?”

“Nineteen,” I said, a little offended. He scoffed at that.

“Close enough.” He sat next to me, crossing his legs and perching his hands on his knee. “Neolithic Period.”

I had no idea when or what that was, but it sounded old. Too old.

“You’re _right_,” he said genially. “I am much too handsome to be a farmer. Besides, the Volturi got rid of the Neanderthals centuries ago.”

He was actually quiet for a while, which was a relief. My blanket flapped in the wind. I was thinking about Neptune Beach when he said something that I missed. At my blank look, he repeated himself.

“Did you hope for this?”

“For what? Being stuck on this roof with a stranger?”

“We’re hardly _strangers_. Not after that Halloween costume.” Blood rushed to my face. “I mean immortality.”

“I don’t feel immortal,” I grumbled. I felt broken, and the fact that I could still blush at all meant I was definitely human. Vampires didn’t have blood, they didn’t cry, and from everything I’d seen they _really_ weren’t scared of heights.

And yet…

I had always been able to smell blood. That’s why it made me so sick. Coppery and sharp. Scraped up knees from falling off a bike, unable to look while Renée patched me up. Dizzy and falling over in Edythe’s arms because of a run-of-the-mill blood typing in Bio.

Carlisle taking a sample had sealed it – I smelled my own blood in the air and it was nothing like it used to be. It wasn’t copper anymore. It was sweet, simmering heat. And Angela. Hers had been better. I was nauseated for very different reasons.

This new sensation wasn’t like Edythe – and, more graphically, Emmett – described. I didn’t _want_ it. I wouldn’t kill Angela for it – not in a million years. But it was there, and it promised a kind of fullness I hadn’t felt, now that I thought about it, for weeks.

I was hungry, and my body had changed its mind about what food was.

“This is different, I will grant you,” Garrett mused. “I suppose even my world is due for an update every millennia or two. Aro will want to study you – Caius will want you eradicated. I suppose your fate hinges on whomever Marcus is feeling the most chummy with that day.”

“Who are they?” I croaked. _Peacekeepers, scholars. Royalty. _Words that meant everything and nothing. “What do they want?”

“Power, blood, obedience.” He sighed wistfully. “It’s all very Gothic. Edythe could tell you more.”

“There are a lot of things Edythe _could_ tell me,” I said without thinking. Garrett latched onto that.

“As I said. You must not ask the right questions. Do you know, we shared an apartment for three months before I asked her if she played piano? I’d been trying to learn, an abysmal effort, and she’d never said a word or offered any help.”

“You shared an apartment?”

“Yes,” he nodded, unabashed. “Oh, don’t glare. She’s like a sister to me. And it was the thirties – no one was having sex.” His smile spread, turning into something friendly and warm. “I did wonder after her. The others I’d met – the civilized ones, that is – were always falling into flings, casual companionship until they settled on someone…or_ made_ them.” I turned away from his wink. “But not Edythe. I knew her particular ship would only sail once. And here you are!”

“She’s never mentioned you.” It still bothered me, almost more than anything else about him.

“That’s hardly my fault. You never asked.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, which he seemed to enjoy. “And what kinds of questions _should_ I ask?”

“Clever,” he said flatly. “I’m not tattling, little girl. Besides, you have all the time in the world to pry her secrets away. Too soon, and you’ll ruin the mystery.”

“You don’t know that,” I pointed out. “I might drop dead on this roof. I might die in my sleep.”

I wasn’t entirely serious, but the words sat in my mouth even after I’d spoken them, crawling back down my throat and settling into the whirlpool of misery and fear. It was getting bigger and harder to think around.

“I’d revive you,” he stated, baring his teeth in a smile. “Even if Edythe killed me for it.”

I shivered, not from the cold, and let the thoughts I’d been ignoring make their way to my lips. “Do you think that would be easier? If you just – “

“Yes,” he said, then tipped his head to the side. “…and no. I’m not sure I would be able to stop. I like to _think _I could… but you smell better than most, I’m sorry to say. Well, I guess I’m sorrier for Edythe. Then there are your chances.”

“Chances?”

“There aren’t many elderly vampires, are there? Why is that?”

“…I don’t know,” I admitted. He made a sound like I’d confirmed something for him.

“Did this hurt?” He asked, reaching over to tap my triple-sleeved wrist.

“Um...” I glanced up from under my lashes, trying to see if I was being made fun of. “Yes. I can’t even put it into words.”

The nightmares about _that_ had lasted a lot longer than the ones about James. And they were scarier, because there was no villain. No monster. Just fire.

“It gets much worse,” Garrett told me. “The point of entry is just foreplay. It spreads to your legs, your chest, your head…your heart. And you feel all of it. Everything gets so much clearer after it’s in your brain – and that’s relatively early on – just so you can fully comprehend how hellish it is. A body too old or too broken will give up at the beginning. It will be your weakest point of either life. Back in my day, the villagers would hear the screaming and kill you while you were insensate.”

I shuddered, wondering if he was telling the truth or not. It had hurt so bad – I couldn’t imagine there being a _worse_ pain. Every second it burned I just wanted to die. “You’re saying I might be...too broken?”

“I dunno. The venom fixed me up fairly well, and I think my neck was snapped. But I’ve never seen it make someone sick before.”

He leaned in, pressing his shoulder to mine. “I would do it, though. If it was necessary. I would _try_. Not to save you, though I really do find you absorbing, but to save her. From the alternative.”

“Yeah,” I cleared my throat. If not even a vampire bite could help me, then…“What a great friend you are.”

He hummed a low note of disapproval. “It _is_ easy to keep things from you.”

“What do you _want_ from me?” I snapped, suddenly very irritated. “Stop talking in riddles.”

He tilted his face toward the light, so I could clearly see his raised eyebrow. Had I missed something?”

“Save her…from the alternative,” I clarified. He gave a slow nod. “You wouldn’t want her to be sad.”

“Sad?” He laughed. “Edythe is always _sad_.”

My teeth ground together. “What is the alternative?”

“Finally! Now _that_, Bella, is a good question.” He tilted his head to the side, and then I was picked up. In the next instant, I was twenty feet from the ledge, arms gripped entirely too hard by Garrett’s hands. Everything hung in limbo for a long second, sound rushing back in as he hissed in my ear. “…with a _very_ interesting answer.”

I didn’t hear him, every sense locked on the crouched figure at the very corner of the roof, lit in outlines of streetlamps and passing headlights. If someone looked up, just in passing, they might see it and mistake her for a carved gargoyle.

“You must be Victoria,” Garrett said amiably, still clutching me. “Hm. I thought you’d be taller.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update 6/29/20: I went through both fics in this series and did some minor/moderate editing. Dialogue changed a little bit, and I tried to clean some other things up. Just a heads up in case anyone needed a reason to reread!
> 
> Thanks for reading everyoneee. Did you know that every song by the Generationals (great band) was written specifically for this fic? Wild!
> 
> Some standouts from their discography:  
Put a Light On  
I Turned My Back on the Written Word Over You  
You Got Me  
Nobody Could Change Your Mind  
Carrying the Torch


	9. Rendezvous

Victoria straightened up in one smooth motion. I couldn't see the details of her face. Just the general shape of her. But my skin prickled and my heart rate picked up, my prey body reacting to her gaze.

Garrett made a _tutting _noise out of nowhere. "You remember how dull human hearing is. Let's be considerate."

So she had said something. I strained my ears, hoping to make it out if she spoke again. I listened so hard that when her high, clear voice rang out I flinched back into Garrett's chest.

"You're not like them. You kill."

My heart jumped into my throat as she disappeared. Garrett's hands dug into my arms, lifting my feet as he placed me an inch to the left.

“Mmhm,” he said, uninterested. “You must know why I brought you here.”

"Why do they allow you to stay?" She asked, perched on the ledge like she'd never moved at all. 

He sighed impatiently. "I never tried to kill any of them, for a start." I felt his chin rest atop my hat. "Or their mates."

The wind blew her hair around the same way I remembered her eyes moving in my bedroom. Wild and ceaseless. Her outline quavered, and I would have thought I imagined it if Garrett didn't move in direct response, shifting so one of his feet was touching my shoe.

"What's happening to me?" I asked, a little desperately. "The venom is still - "

"I did nae a thing," she snapped, accent thickening. "I told James to leave it."

"Please," I whispered. “Just tell me.”

Victoria stepped forward, down off the ledge. Garrett stayed still this time. "The sickness, first," she called. "Food turns to dust in your mouth."

I stilled, listening. She took another step toward us, bending her body at a strange angle that I couldn't comprehend but found alarming. Garrett wouldn't have let me move back if I wanted to. I felt like a gazelle being hunted by a cheetah, held in place by a lion who thought they were helping.

"You'll get weaker." Another step. "And hungrier. And then you'll _hurt."_

She was close enough now for me to see her face. Glimpses of it, anyway. Just as I remembered; devastatingly gorgeous. Terrifying. Garrett took a single breath against my back, ready to snap me up at the first provocation. Despite all my talk about not being scared of her, I was glad he was there.

"And then what?" I asked.

Her chin turned up. She was no longer addressing me. "I want peace. And I want to stay."

"Stay?" He repeated quizzically. "In Seattle? For what?"

"She's curious," I whispered.

Her eyes stuck on me, and I realized why I was so bothered by her. It wasn't just that she looked a little like Edythe, though that was plenty unsettling. While all of her face remained inhumanly empty of emotion, her eyes were afraid. The inverse of James, who had been aggressively friendly on the outside and empty on the inside. Her fear scared me more than his confidence had, though I didn't know why.

"He always became bored of them," she muttered. "I've never seen one through to the end."

"'Them'?" Garret understood faster than I could have. "This was no accident? He's done it before?"

Victoria nodded.

"How many?"

"Tree," she whispered. I guessed that was supposed to mean _three._

"And what happened to them?"

Victoria was less than ten feet away, and coming closer. I thought the salt and brine I'd been smelling was off the ocean, but the wind changed and intensified it to a degree that made me want to gag. _She_ was the smell.

"What happened?" Garrett repeated, growing impatient.

"I need blood, don't I?" I asked, dreading her answer.

Victoria paused, then took a half step back. A dance with choreography only she knew. "You are so weak." There wasn't much light that reached the rooftop, but her teeth glinted brightly as she smiled. "She still does not want you?"

"Don't listen to her," Garrett sighed to me, raising his voice. "Answer the question, love, or we won't play anymore."

"You can have neither," she said. "Food, blood...they will both rot inside of you."

I sucked in a breath. "What about - ?"

Garrett put his hand over my mouth. "Will she die?"

Victoria thought about it, moving to her right in a series of slow, deliberate strides. Maybe she thought my struggling against Garrett was going to distract him. 

“Some faded. Some…were like her.”

“Like her?”

“They satisfied their craving. It was...entertaining. It takes so _long _for them to kill each other.”

"_No,"_ I sobbed against Garrett's hand. "I would never!"

Her voice turned scornful. "You don't know what true hunger is. Not yet." 

She lunged. My body was whirled away with a sharp twist of Garrett's arms; when I reoriented myself, I was tucked away behind his back, his arm curled unnaturally backwards to pin me in place. Victoria occupied the space I had just been, inches away from Garrett's face and looking up at him with a mix of intrigue and tremulous confidence. Some oily mark across her jaw caught the distant neon, reflecting rainbows.

Garrett exhaled a laugh. If they were talking to each other, it wasn't in a way I could hear.

"Tell me what to do!" I pled, struggling wildly to get free. My elbow connected hard with his forearm.

“Yes, Victoria, tell her,” Garrett murmured, taunting. “You want to help, don’t you?”

“I want to stay,” she said firmly.

“You’ve been here this whole time. They can’t catch you.”

“I want them to show me.” Victoria looked to me. “I want to be good.”

I stared, sure I had misheard.

“’Good’?” Garrett’s voice was low and as dangerous as I’d ever heard. He took a step back, hand fisting in my layers of fabric and jerking me sideways, completely out of Victoria's line of vision. "Tell me how to feed her."

“If I do?”

“If Bella dies,” Garrett simply, "You certainly die. You'll be hunted for the rest of your days."

There was another abrupt, defensive shift in position that nearly broke my neck. I hissed in pain and Garrett's arm loosened just enough for me to see Victoria again. She was looking at me. Pleading with _me._

"I don't have anything to offer you," I told her, at a loss.

"Convince them.”

“Of…of what?” If I learned anything from the past year, it was that I didn't have a hope of convincing anybody of doing something they didn't want to do. I had tried already to tell Edythe that Victoria wasn't dangerous. That was going just splendidly.

Her eyes went wide. She nodded her head toward Garrett. “Send him away."

“Okay,” I breathed, just as he said, “Not a chance.”

“Garrett, it’s fine – “

He didn’t give me an inch. “They weren’t exaggerating. You really are thoughtless.”

“Who said – ?” I sighed. “It doesn’t _matter_. Just _go._” All my previous fear was gone, replaced my warm certainty. Victoria was safe.

“Um, no.”

“This is what we came here for,” I argued, even though the battle was lost. Garrett made an irritated sound. “We need answers. Or I’ll die anyway.”

Victoria observed our stand-off, waiting.

“How _do_ you do it?” Garrett asked her, accusing. “What’s your power, eh? Never heard of someone stopping everyone else’s cold. It’s _really_ gotten under their skin.”

I wasn't sure what this new tactic was all about. Victoria's face remained completely blank, for what felt like a long time. Finally, she lowered her gaze back to me. "Only when the pain reaches its peak will you need blood. Before that, it'll only make you weaker.”

No blood. Where did that leave me? Blood had been the one thing that I - deep, in the back of my head - thought would end up being the answer.

"And until then?" Garrett asked.

Victoria moved, doing something with her hands out of view. Then she held it up - something very small and luminous. I only caught a shred of a glimpse before Garrett snatched it away from her.

She gave me one last, indecipherable look, then the wind was blowing through nothing.

Garrett was only still for a half-second. Long enough for me to inhale once and my elbow to throb dully twice. The cold had finally seeped through my clothes, exhausting shivers running up and down my spine.

“Well, that was stimulating.” He blew out a breath and dropped his arm.

“What did she give you?"

"I didn’t hurt you, did I?" He asked, turning to look me over. "Break anything? It’s hard to touch you when you’re so _fragile._”

“Garrett! What did she give you?_”_

He heaved a sigh. "Really, histrionics will get you nowhere."

"I'm not a child!" I yelled, all my latent frustration aiming itself at him for no better reason than that he was there. "Why does everyone treat me like one?"

"Actually, in my day fifteen would be considered of age - "

I jumped him, trying to get my fingers into the pockets of his jacket. He made a startled sound and moved backward, wrapping his fingers carefully around my wrists. “Bella, darling, I’m flattered, but – 

“_SHOW ME!" _I demanded.

“You _really_ don’t want to know,” he said a little more seriously, forcing me to a stop. Tears poured hot down my face, and he didn’t seem to know what to do, eyes wide and bewildered. “Are you unhappy? She did give us something to go on – “

“What. Is. It.”

"Can I get you back safely first?"

I was honestly surprised he would ask instead of just grabbing me and jumping. "No. Now."

“Alright, little girl. If you insist.”

I didn't see where he pulled it from. It just appeared in front of me, white and jagged.

"What is..." I looked at it, then bent double, bracing myself on the nearest solid object (his arm). Goodbye, steaks. 

"Oh," Garrett said breathily. "Oh, my."

After several heaves, I was able to straighten, stumbling away from him. He looked nothing short of horrified at the mess so close to his shoes.

"Is that," I said, pointing in the vague direction of his torso, unsure where he had hidden it, "what I think it is?"

"It is."

“I…don’t…understand,” I said, swallowing thickly. He held out a hand, like he might comfort me, then changed his mind.

“Let’s get you home, yeah?”

It was a much shorter flight back. Less than a minute maybe. Then the warm air of Alice’s apartment enveloped me, as did Edythe’s arms. I was so ridiculously relieved to be held I could only gasp, wrapping my arms securely around her neck and burying my face against her throat. Her hands reassured themselves that I was still in one piece, running over every part of me they could reach. She ripped the blanket away and tossed it off to the side so we could be that much closer.

"You found her," Jasper said, somewhere in the same room as us.

Edythe's arms constricted so tightly my feet actually left the ground. I whimpered and she immediately set me down, breaking my grip on her neck with barely a twitch of her fingers.

"Where is it?" She murmured, eyes crazed.

"...my elbow," I admitted, ashamed. "Just a bruise."

"Not my fault," Garrett was quick to say. Edythe shot him a black look. "She did her level best to break my arm."

"What did Victoria say?" Jacob asked harshly. I heard him snap his fingers impatiently. 

Edythe's hands cradled my face, her expression flickering in and out as Garrett thought through everything before he said it. Her face froze in shock long before he worked himself up to the climax.

"We know he's done this before. Whatever this is was done on purpose. She'll will get worse before she gets better....if she gets better...am I missing anything, Bella? Ah, of course. This little nugget."

I gripped Edythe's wrists before the clattering sound. I could picture the object sitting on Alice's beautiful wood coffee table, completely out of place in such a civilized apartment. "Please," I whispered, not exactly sure of who I was talking to. "Please."

"What is that?" Rosalie asked, tone sharp and demanding. She knew. They all knew.

"It's part of someone's radius," Alice said.

"That's a fucked up thing to know," Jacob muttered. "Where'd it come from? Is it...?"

Edythe pressed her lips to my forehead, then to my lips when I turned my face up. It felt so natural I allowed myself to imagine that I'd been exaggerating our fight this entire time. She had never kissed me so desperately before.

I lost track of the conversation behind me for a solid minute, ignoring our witnesses and their noises of disgust. At us, at the bone shard, I didn't care.

Until I heard a voice I hadn't expected.

Edythe accommodated my sudden turn, pulling me back into her chest when I did. "Paul?" I asked, incredulous. He smiled a little sheepishly.

"Hey, Bella. Good to see you."

"Answer the question," Jacob snapped at Garrett. I tried to recall what the question had been. "Why would she give you that?"

“It was her answer,” Edythe said tonelessly. “Bella can't have food. She can't have blood. What would be the middle ground?”

Everyone looked at me like it was _my_ fault. Especially Jacob. The scrutiny pushed me to a tipping point, where I was able to have the realization that this was all kind of funny.

"She's not gonna eat a bone," Jacob stated flatly, reaching out toward the table. "That's not...you're not suggesting that."

“Don’t touch it,” Jasper warned. “Do we know where the body is?”

Garrett looked away from where he'd been making eyebrows at Edythe. “I've got an idea. I know you smell it; she's been living in the Sound.”

“She's _not_ gonna eat it,” Jacob said again. Embry sat on the couch, holding his head in his hands.

“Yeah,” Emmett seconded, visibly confused. "How is she supposed to...?"

There was a crisp, cracking noise. Alice had crunched the bone like a peanut shell, the two halves splitting cleanly and showing a bleached white, soft-looking center. She glanced up at Edythe and turned her head, answering a question.

I tried to understand, and I thought I might. It just felt so surreal. Floaty. “Um,” I said, preferring to change the subject. "She wants to stay in Seattle." Again, everyone gave me big confused eyes. "I think she would have explained more, but Garrett wouldn't leave us alone - "

“Good!” Jacob paced away from the table, throwing Garrett a begrudging nod. "'Leave you alone'?! _Fuck_, Bella!"

Edythe sighed a little louder than necessary. Probably at me, and my explicit breaking of my promise to not do anything stupid.

"I think she wants to go vegetarian," I added.

Rosalie's red lips parted in surprise. Alice curled her lip.

“No,” Embry said into the silence, with an unhappy laugh. “Uh, _what?_ No.”

Jasper turned his head ninety degrees to peer at Edythe. Whatever he was thinking her direction made his eyebrows twitch together in thought. Rosalie, too, swiveled on her heels to glare, her face much less serene.

When I craned my neck back to try and catch Edythe's expression, I found her already glowering at me.

"Well?" I asked.

“Well, what?”

“Well…” I turned away. “That’s what she wants!“

“She gave us enough to go on with," Garrett said. "No reason to give her anything else."

“She gave us riddles,” I corrected him, grinding my teeth together. "She knows more. She has to."

“She must," Jasper observed, "to be giving us terms."

Silence. Jacob paced back, looking closer at the bone Alice still held aloft. “So what the fuck is this? Huh? A vampire jolly rancher for Bella to _teethe_ on?”

“We should call Carlisle,” Alice said, walking off to the kitchen. I heard the rustling of a trash bag, and then the smell of bleach. “Somebody!”

Jasper had his phone out first, putting it on speaker. Carlisle answered on the first ring. “Yes?”

Jasper's lips buzzed. I figured he was summarizing the night; just barely loud enough for me to catch the tenor of his voice moving up and down in the rhythm of speech. Paul sighed and put a hand on Jacob’s arm to stop his nervous squirming. Edythe stroked up my arm, brushing her fingers across my cheek. I turned into the touch.

“I see,” Carlisle said thoughtfully, about ten seconds later. I heard Esme’s voice, far away. “Yes. Marrow. It can be eaten. Beef, chicken…”

“Why not blood?” Emmett asked, glancing at me - and Edythe - in apology. “Wouldn’t that be the…obvious…thing?”

“Nothing about this is obvious,” Carlisle sighed. I pictured him in his study, surrounded by books and art, Esme at his shoulder. “Is Bella there?”

Jasper nodded at me. “I’m here,” I called, wincing when my voice cracked.

“Bella, if you're keeping any food down and passing it...” I felt my face heat up. “Then we must assume the venom hasn’t touched your digestive tract. And if that part of your anatomy is still human, you won’t be able to digest blood. Actually, it could kill you. If meat is what your body craves, then marrow isn’t very far off. It's worth a shot."

“You don’t think she’s just experimenting?” Edythe called.

There was a pause. he spoke very purposefully. “Bovine marrow contains adiponectin. It’s a hormone that regulates inflammation and immune functions.”

Edythe pulled me closer, breathing hard. “Regulates?”

I didn’t understand the question, but no one else seemed to, either.

“Yes,” Carlisle said. “In theory. I don’t see any harm in trying it.”

No harm, I thought bitterly. No harm at all in cracking bones open like crab claws to try and keep the human alive. She’ll think it’s fun.

“What about Victoria, hm?" Jake scoffed. "You going to adopt her, too? Enroll her in Forks High?”

“No,” Edythe growled. “Stop _thinking about it.”_

He glared at her, then at me, then looked away. If I knew Jacob at all, he was thinking very hard about whatever it was Edythe didn't like.

“I daresay,” Garrett said, very carefully. “Victora wanted Bella to speak on her behalf. If you did extend an invitation to her – “

“No,” Edythe and Jacob said in unison.

Garrett rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. “What about – “

“Garrett,” Edythe admonished, surprised. “No. We can’t ask them to get involved.”

"You mean Tanya?" Alice asked, shouldering past Jacob. The bleach smell was much stronger, and much easier to breath after the stink Victoria had left in my sinuses. "That's not a bad idea."

“You would do that to them?” Edythe continued to sound shocked. Alice shrugged, with a certain open expression that meant she was being difficult on purpose.

“_I_ would do anything for Bella. Which reminds me,” she turned her chin up to stare at Jacob. “Why are you still here?”

“Nice try, Esmerelda,” he shot back. “Your third eye needed a new prescription long before I showed up.”

“They would do it,” Rosalie said, adopting the same stubborn look as Alice. “They’d help us.”

Edythe sighed. “I would ask for their help, if that’s all it was. I won’t ask them to face the Volturi for us.”

“They already know about Bella,” Emmett pointed out. I raised my eyebrows at that new piece of information. “The deed is done.”

“_No_,” Edythe said, more forcefully.

"Who are we talking about?" Paul asked.

"The Alaska family," Jake said over his shoulder. 

I could hardly keep up with the conversation, much less have an opinion. Edythe unwound her arms, holding my hips for a briefly before letting go and appearing on the other side of the room with Jasper's phone in her hand. She took it off speaker and held it to her ear.

"Tell me what to do."

I felt a lot worse when she wasn’t touching me, instinctively moving closer to Jasper. He look down at the contact and happy relief hit me like a shot of Novocain. It drove away the twinges of pain behind my eyes and in my legs and now in my elbow and back. Why didn’t I think of this sooner?

"I told you," Edythe said quietly. "I can't - the same. The same as always."

There was a longer pause. Edythe inhaled, and whatever Carlisle said made Rosalie look at Emmett with something like distress. He shrugged at her, completely serious. Never a good sign. 

"Okay," Edythe said. "I will."

She handed the phone over to Jasper, then that same hand was on my shoulder, startling me. "Bella," she said, dropping a soft kiss to my nose. "I'm going to get you something to eat. I'll be back by the time you wake up, okay?"

"Where are you going?" _Please stay. _

"I'm not sure yet. But it has to be now, and you have to sleep."

On cue, a wave of exhaustion crashed over me, either because of her reminder or through my contact with Jasper. "We'll talk tomorrow," she promised, kissing me again. I didn't even care that everyone was looking. "I love you."

My heart jumped into my throat with relief. "I love you, too."

She stepped back, her hand sliding off my arm. Garrett and Emmett followed her through the door without being asked.

I might have just collapsed if Jacob hadn't rushed me with one of his bear hugs. So warm I almost groaned. "That was a stupid idea," he growled.

Of course he could make me laugh, even then. "It was yours!"

"I don't know about that." He sniffed, then made a gagging sound. "That's fucking rank."

"Come with me, Bella," Rosalie said, holding a hand out. "I'll draw you a bath."

A bath. I started floating after her, my battered body throbbing at the promise of heat and steam. When was the last time I'd actually relaxed?

Jacob caught my arm. "Do you want me to stay?" He asked somberly.

"Go ahead," I urged. He and Paul probably had a lot of catching up to do. "I'm just gonna pass out as soon as I lay down."

"Okay," he said. Some barrier dropped, letting me see just how exhausted he was. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I spared another hug for Embry when Jacob told me he was leaving. "What are you gonna do about Jess?" I asked. 

"Block her number and pray," he said grimly. I couldn't think of anything better to offer. Yeah, it was better this way, but she was going to be _pissed_ if he shut her out like that. Oh, well. At least she'd make it out of this alive. More than I could say for myself.

Every available surface in Alice's room drowned beneath fluffy fabric and clothing samples. As I limped to the en suite she darted in and start gathering things away from the bed. I almost told her it wasn't necessary, then remembered that the other bedroom probably wasn't suitable for guests. Jasper had been in there all afternoon, making very loud noises that sounded a lot like someone ripping a bed frame to pieces.

"Don't worry," Rosalie said, shutting the bathroom door behind me and walking to the bathtub. The bathroom was something to marvel at, but I didn't have the energy. "She won't be gone long."

I stood there while she mixed in some of the substances sitting in glass jars in the windowsill. A light, almost cinnamon smell filled the air as steam rose from the tub. "What did she mean, she was going to 'get me something to eat'?"

"I don't know," Rosalie said, flashing me an apologetic frown. Her white cotton shirt reminded me of the uniform my grandparents' caretakers wore in that facility they lived in near the end of their lives.

"You're being nice to me today."

She paused in stirring the water, giving me a hurt look. "I try to be nice to you every day."

"You - you are. It's just making me feel like a cancer patient."

"That's not my intention."

"I didn't say it was."

She raised an eyebrow. "Do you want some tea?"

"With bourbon?"

That made her smile. "I'll see what I can do."

The door opened and shut, leaving me alone with softly rushing water. Stripping off the layers made the shivering worse, so I did it as quickly as possible, leaving all my clothes in a pile on the cold floor and running to the bath. The tub was only half full, but a solid four inches of bubbles had gathered, rising up to my collarbone. I turned the handle all the way up and sank back. The bruise on my arm didn't look so bad. Garrett's jacket must have softened the blow.

My muscles tensed all at once, then relaxed. Some of my fatigue retreated, as though my body wanted to be awake for this.

The door opened a few minutes later. Rosalie admitted herself with her eyes closed, reminding me so much of a similar scene from last year that I could have cried.

"It's green," she said, holding out a mug. I took it. "No bourbon, but I did add honey."

"Thanks." I stared into the tea. "Will you sit with me?"

"Of course," she said after a tiny pause, sitting on the floor next to the tub and leaning against the wall. Only then did she open her eyes, staring at the toilet while I sipped the too-hot drink.

"You think I don't like you."

I shrugged. "You don't have to like me."

"Well, I do like you," she insisted. "Please remember that."

"What do you mean?"

"Because I'm gonna say something that will make you think the opposite."

I waited, lowering the mug to the side of the tub.

"Not one of us want you to die,” she said. “Or suffer."

"Well, that sounds like good news," I groused.

Rosalie shook her head, seeming to change her train of thought. "Edythe trusts Carlisle more than anyone. Right?"

"Right."

She nodded curtly. "So she's trusting him to know what's best for you. But Carlisle is a _doctor_. His instinct will always be to treat a sickness, even cure it if he can. This time is different. It's not sickness, it's a time bomb, and I don't know why he's avoiding the obvious."

"The obvious." I felt myself smile. "You mean putting an end to my suffering?"

She sighed, confirming it. "I don't know what we're waiting for."

After a few tense seconds, she looked up at me. I took a nervous sip of tea, tasting nothing but heat. "You'd be stuck with me forever, you know."

My poor attempt at humor fell flat. Rosalie wrung her hands together.

"If you want my opinion," she said, her tone making it clear she knew I didn't. "The two of you are making yourselves miserable trying to keep each other happy. And you might lose everything."

She glanced at me again. "I don't think Edythe realizes yet that Carlisle is waffling because he's leaving it up to you two. With me, her, and Esme, it was just him and some person on the brink of death. He didn't have the opportunity to talk to me, to ask me what I wanted. Do you understand?"

My stomach sank.

"And that's fine," she went on, waving a flippant hand. "If you two are that intent on not talking about it, awesome. But the rest of us are starting to feel like time isn't on our side. With your health...with the Volturi."

"What do you mean?"

She was quiet for a while, staring into the distance with a pinched expression. "We've been trying to decide which one of us should be the one to...do it."

I blinked, and then realization crackled across my brainstem. "To do what?"

Rosalie half-smiled. "After what Victoria said, it just seems silly, don’t you think? All of us watching you get sicker when we’re so capable of…fixing it. I mean, is this what you want? Starving to death?”

She sat up, turning to face me. "I know for a fact that I can survive on animal blood. I know what I am. We don't know those same things about you. Would you _want_ to live like this, if you had to drink from humans?"

They had discussed this, I realized. Really and truly. “So you were just going to…?”

"We know she can hear us planning it, of course. If that's what pushes her into a decision, then all the better. But she also knows when we're lying, so it follows that...we're serious."

"You would do it against my will?"

Her gaze turned knowing. "What is your will, Bella? What do you want?"

She knew I couldn't answer. "Garret doesn't think I would survive it. A bite."

"That's not quite true," she said, pressing her lips together. "He thinks it'll be too late by the time Edythe comes around to the idea. He wouldn't agree with us doing it before then."

“So it’s now or never?” I laughed weakly. “You really would w-want me around like that?”

“Yes,” she said, without hesitation. “Yes, of course I would. Human or not, you’re a part of our family. And so is Edythe. I don't want to lose her, too, because we waited too long."

I leaned forward, hoping Rosalie heard every word. So she would stop giving me false hope. "She's never coming around."

She surprised me by rolling her eyes. "She will. Tonight was the breaking point."

“Why?”

“Because I decided,” she said, clearly enjoying my shock. “While she was talking to Carlisle, I decided to bite you this weekend. Saturday.”

I stared at her. “You were bluffing.”

“Ummm…" she chuckled weakly. "No. I’m not bluffing. You’ll thank me, after. I think. Turning is quick, but whatever this is - " She gestured to my body. " - is going to be very drawn out and very unpleasant."

"Do you mean it?"

She nodded.

Against all better judgement, I felt something like relief. "Why wait?" I asked, upping the ante. "Why not get it over with now?"

She didn't seem to understand the question, for a second. "I'd... have to get you out of the city, first. Wouldn't want the neighbors to hear you screaming."

I kicked the faucet off, setting the mug aside and sinking up to my neck. Maybe it was the promise of an end to the pain, but I suddenly felt even worse than before the bath. A wrecking ball slammed into my glass brain with every movement. My arms trembled and there was a pain in my abdomen that pulsed with every breath. Real or imagined, it hurt.

"Would Jacob be safe? From the Volturi? Would they still come?"

"They'll come." Rosalie hesitated. "His chances would be better, maybe."

Not good enough. They said the leader, Aro, was like Edythe. He read minds. No one was going to be able to lie to him. Except maybe me, but I couldn't think of a way to use that to my advantage. And Edythe said there was no guarantee that I was safe from him, anyway.

"Where's Alice?" I asked, perturbed. It made no sense that she wasn't the one telling me this. Or, honestly, that she wasn't the one planning to bite me.

"Talking Jasper down," Rosalie answered. "They're on the roof."

Oh. I wondered if that was the truth, or if Alice was avoiding me. Our conversation the day after Halloween obviously put her on edge. "I've never seen him so upset."

Rosalie raised her eyebrows. "He has his moments."

The roof. Too far for him to have any influence over me, but I still felt oddly calm. The power of an expensive bath. "So..." I sat up. "This time next week, I'll be a vampire?"

My tone made Rosalie suspicious. She sat up, too, her face settling into very solemn lines. Our conversation had become a business transaction. "Are you giving me your permission?"

I looked into her eyes, summoning every false ounce of courage I could. The only reason she was doing any of this was to play it back to Edythe. I didn't want to leave any room for doubt.

"Yes," I said. "You have my permission."


End file.
